


Aomori

by iron_woobie_rwa



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Humor, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iron_woobie_rwa/pseuds/iron_woobie_rwa
Summary: "My assistant's worries are my worries. I'll do anything I can so that you can work in your best mental condition." A promise between was made between two scientists to go to Aomori together, but it was broken. Rest assured, the will of Steins Gate is that it shall be fulfilled. It's a little difficult, though, when two tsunderes are involved, and one of them doesn't want anything to do with the other at all.
Relationships: Okabe Rintarou | Hououin Kyouma/Makise Kurisu
Comments: 87
Kudos: 62





	1. The Sheer Desperation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am back with another Steins;Gate fic. This fic will be updated once every week. Also, if anyone's interested in this sort of thing, I listened to the album If That's How You Feel by The True Blue while writing this whole fic, and I believe each of the songs more or less describes Okabe and Kurisu's romance at some point throughout this fic.
> 
> I don't own Steins;Gate.
> 
> Enjoy.

Kurisu fell asleep, hoping not wake up. She opened her eyes, to her annoyance, at about twelve at night. The lights were off, because she had never turned them on, but the open curtains were letting too much light in. She stumbled to the window to fix it, and dropped back onto the bed. Out of habit, and far too much desperation, she groped for her phone.

No new emails. Upset, she scrolled up and down her contacts list.

 _I'm sorry, everyone._ What she was sorry for, she didn't understand. Maybe she was just feeling sorry for herself all over again. After coming back to her hotel, she'd broken down into pity and self-revulsion. She had called her mother, and agreed to be put on the Friday flight home. Then she had collapsed on her bed without eating dinner, as usual. These days, everything was hard, and brought self-deprecatory episodes with it, and even the absence of an event, or of food in her stomach, could trigger severe mood changes and irritability. Her mental state wasn't the best - well, the only word for it was depression. She understood, intellectually, that not eating made it worse, but she really didn't care.

Hah, that might have been the first time she had really admitted that to herself. Maybe it was just a childish way of saying, you don't care about me, so I don't care about you. An infantile cry for attention, her mother had concluded long back. But here she was, ducts refusing to produce one measly tear. She hadn't been able to cry in the afternoon, either. She was all used up.

Her mother had promised that if she would just go back to America, everything would be normal again. But there was no guarantee. Anyway, she didn't want to do science any more.

That is, she did want to do science. But not for her father.

On a whim, she selected Maho's number and tried to call. The woman had always despised her, but at least she'd had the decency to tell it to her face. What she needed right now was someone who could honestly tell her that she was a self-pitying wreck who needed to get over herself, because even these kinds of adjectives were starting to become tiresome.

She didn't pick up. Kurisu tried again, but there was still no answer.

Her fingers navigated to the email menu of their own accord. _I'm sorry, Maho, but I'm too tired for this and I'm going to bother you._

In the drafts menu of her phone, there was a email, waiting to be sent. She couldn't remember writing it, so she figured that she must have written it long ago. Curious, she opened it.

"Contact me if you have any questions. Esp. about time travel."

In the receiver's address, was Hououin Kyoumb.

She looked back in her contacts, and sure enough, an email address had been saved under "Hououin Kyoumb." She considered correcting it, but she didn't really want to. "Hououin Kyoumb" had decided his own fate. Why should she bother interfering? And anyway, how hadn't she noticed this earlier? Had she really been in such a terrible haze?

She had been about to call Maho to complain. Maho, of all people, was the worst possible person to converse with, whether about everyday things or heavier problems. She navigated back to the draft email.

When she had run out of the cafe yesterday, after shoving his pin back into his hand and yelling at him in front of everyone, he had caught up to her in the street, and stolen her phone from her like some pervert trying to check for nudes. He had typed something in rapidly, and shoved it back at her, saying, "Okabe Rintaro, that's my real name. Email me if you have any questions. Please." She had barely heard his parting words as she ran away, irrationally afraid that he would pursue her, but when she looked back, he was still standing there in the crowd, watching her flee to the safety of her hotel, away from lunatics such as Okabe Rintaro.

_"Contact me if you have any questions. Esp. about time travel."_

For the first time since reading the sentence, the time travel bit jumped out at her. Why time travel, and why now? A million questions swirled about in her head. She wanted to feel angry at him again, but there was nothing left. Now her entire body was betraying her. She shifted her head restlessly on her pillow.

She flipped her phone shut and closed her eyes.

Then she opened them, and picked up her phone again. _You want a question, I'll give you a good one._

**Hello Mr. Okabe,  
** **Why did my father try to kill me?**

She snapped it shut again. The phone buzzed immediately. After a moment's confusion and anticipation, she opened up the new email.

**Dear Christina,  
** **I wish I could answer this question, but I'm afraid you'll have to ask your father. Ask me anything else.**

Christina. Again, with the Christina. Why had he never bothered to actually learn her name!?

**Here's a question you might be able to answer: Why did you save me?**

She snapped her phone shut without sending it. It was way too melodramatic and revealing. No way would she ever be able to send such a message. She changed it.

**My name is Kurisu, not Christina, in case you never caught it. And why did you mention time travel?**

The answer came in a heartbeat.

**Do you believe time travel is possible?**

**No** , she answered quickly, then decided her answer had been too short for something that would obviously require too many qualifiers, and began a second email.

Then she stopped. Those had been old habits, to convince herself, and others, that time travel might be possible, that her father's research hadn't been in vain. It was time to admit that time travel was, and would always be, fringe science at best, and a dangerous obsession at worst. She kicked out listlessly. No doubt, the next email would wonder why she, the daughter of Dr. Nakbachi, self-proclaimed inventor of a time machine, did not believe in time machines, and would speculate that this was why he had tried to kill her. And she would have no answers.

Her phone buzzed again. To her surprise, it was from Maho, and not Okabe.

**I'm in the middle of an experiment. What happened?**

Before she could think about what to reply with, her phone buzzed again.

**Then you will never know all the secrets of the universe. Some things are only meant for believers.**

Believers? What was this man smoking? What with all his mad scientist antics, he was truly a disgrace to her profession. Exactly the kind of person she no longer wanted to involve herself with.

 **Scientists don't believe, they demand proof. And you speak as though you've traveled through time yourself** , she shot back.

This time, there was no instantaneous reply. Was this the limit of his mad scientist fantasies? So weak. She went back to Maho's email and began to compose her excuses.

**I'm not feeling very well.**

No, that didn't work.

**I'm sorry I disturbed you. I just wanted to talk to you. Are you well?**

Too long. Maho wouldn't give her a coherent reply.

Finally, she settled on, **I'm coming back to America. I'll come to work on Monday. Please let Dr. Leskinen know.**

She closed her eyes and waited for the spots from the light of her phone to subside. It buzzed after a moment. She picked it up automatically. It was Hououin Kyoumb again.

**I have traveled through time. It's just that it's difficult to prove. I traveled back to the past using your theories on time travel, and saved your life. You are the only person in the history of the world to be revived using time travel. Rejoice in being the first and last, a product of a truly mad scientist's experiments!**

* * *

He fell asleep at about five thirty a.m., _**And you speak as though you've time traveled yourself**_ , ringing in his ears, thinking, _She knows, she knows, she knows, I hope I'm not imagining this and she really does remember_.

"Okarin! Okarin!"

"Huh? Huh?" He woke up with a start, scrambling for his phone. "Did she message?"

"Who are you talking about, Okarin?" Mayuri was standing over him.

"Uh, uh, Mayuri! What's the time? Answer fast! It's a matter of life and death!"

"Um, ah, ah, it's eleven, um, thirty. Did you miss something for college?"

"No, no." He opened up his phone. A new email. She had replied. He sighed in relief.

"Okarin, Okarin, can you sit on that side of the sofa? I want to sit here and sew."

He grumbled and stumbled over to the window. "Where's Daru?" He asked, peering out into the sunshine. "Why hasn't he turned up yet?"

"He said that there's a new H-game coming out, so he has to go stand in line. Really, Okarin, you weren't paying attention to anything we said last night. Even today, you keep looking at your phone. You look really worried."

He was looking at his phone, but he wasn't really looking at his phone. He still hadn't opened her message.

"Mayuri?"

"Mmm?"

"What if you emailed someone that you hadn't seen in a really long time, but they didn't remember you at all? And they didn't really want to talk to you?"

"Umm, I think I would stop talking to them." He looked up at her, surprised. "Why?"

"It's not good to bother people." She put a finger to her chin, thinking hard. "Maybe I would try again in a little while. But not if they told me not to email them."

Dammit, how had she guessed? She glared at him. "Don't bother people, Okarin. It's bad." He gulped and looked out of the window, pretending to study the shops outside. After he had sent the message admitting that he was a time traveler, she hadn't replied till three. He had fallen asleep, and the notification had sent him and the phone jumping into the air with panic. It had read,

**I'm sorry, but I don't believe in delusions such as this. You clearly can't show me any proof, and so I have to conclude that you either happened to be in the right place at the right time, or that you are a pervert with some kind of blood fetish. Thank you for saving me, good night, and don't message me any further.**

That had terrified him. He almost sent her a torrent of messages, almost sent her a message saying, you have your spoon, now you want your personal fork. But in the end, he'd been too scared to do that. If Kurisu blocked him, it would be the end, and she had already run away from him once. He had never thought she would; it didn't seem like her to just run away. But that was what she had done, and there was no way he could take a chance. So he decided to drop the act, and show some concern.

**I'm neither a pervert, nor someone who happened to be there. I'm just a man who saved you. Let's leave it at that for now. What I really want to ask you, is, are you ok? You ran off so suddenly, and no matter how you looked at it, it seemed like you were about to cry. Did you get home alright?**

He had prayed that this would provoke some sort of a reaction, even if it was something like, "It's not like I want you to care about me, ok?" Apparently, it had. He glanced at Mayuri. She had returned to sewing, so he opened the message.

**Why are you so concerned? Then again, you did save my life, so maybe it's not unreasonable. I'm actually sorry I yelled at you yesterday. I thought that I would be able to handle meeting you, but I'm not in a very good frame of mind right now. I reached my hotel without incident, so you have nothing to worry about.**

She was alright, and she had actually apologised. That was rare. He began to type up a reply.

"Okarin!"

"Huh?"

"Don't bother her."

"Who?"

"Umm, I don't know... But you better not be troubling her, or Mayushii will be angry with you."

"Ah, yeah." He turned back to his phone.

**If you really are sorry about it, come meet me by the bridge by UPX at one. I'll treat you to lunch.**

His fingers trembled as they touched the send button. "Mayuri, you coming to Sanbo for lunch? My treat."

"Sure!"

"My friend is coming too. Then you can make sure I'm not bothering her."

"Yes! What's her name?"

"Christina."

His phone buzzed.

**I'm never going to a maid café ever again, so no thank you.**

He smirked softly with surprise. Kurisu must really be jobless to be replying so quickly.

**It's not a maid café. But it's not your average restaurant either. Anyway, my friend is coming too, and she doesn't have any problems, so you shouldn't.**

Her reply was cutting.

**Well, if your friend is coming too, then maybe I'll be able to tolerate you.**

"It's me. The Assistant has fallen right into my trap, just as I predicted. What? You didn't think I could have done it? What a joke. I have her dancing in the palm of my hand. ...Yes, I'm taking my hostage along, just in case I have to bargain. But I won't have to use her, I assure you.

That's right. I'll keep you posted in case of further difficulties. El. Psy. Kongroo."

The walk to the bridge was filled with anticipation, but he managed to walk without nervousness or hesitation, still, his head was filled with thoughts of her, and not for the first time, he was glad that Mayuri was a little slow about him not really listening to her talk. He had thrown on a new t-shirt, and he had showered yesterday, so it wasn't like he smelled or anything. But he hadn't shaved, as usual. Then again, it wasn't like Kurisu had ever seen him all cleaned up, so it hardly mattered.

She was there, waiting, in her usual attire. He put his hand up in greeting; she merely nodded. Mayuri rushed forward, as expected. He hung back and smirked as Kurisu struggled to form a reply to greet the overenthusiastic girl properly. After a few moments, she put her hands on her hips and stalked over to him. "Well? Where are we going for lunch?"

He turned around, flaring his coat dramatically. "It is an ancient, crumbling building on the corner of this street... Where the workmen of the day come to break their fast. But alas, the restaurant is hardly anything like a restorative."

"It's called Sanbo!" Mayuri added, as they started walking. "We go there all the time because it's only a little more costly than cup noodles."

"That's a shame, I was going to order the most expensive thing on the menu. I might as well get something out of this."

"Oh...do you like to eat? I do too! Let's order two dishes each, and then we can taste each other's!"

He groaned. These two were going to clean his wallet out in no time.

Lunch went fairly smoothly, although there was a slight hitch when Mayuri revealed that she was his hostage. Thankfully, they managed to prevent her from calling the police for long enough to explain. Kurisu even agreed to visit the lab. She had taken well to Mayuri, as usual. He pulled out his phone.

"It's me. My Assistant refuses to talk to me and insists on only speaking to my hostage. That's right, they've become very attached to each other already. What? Are you sure I should use that? But if I break them apart, it could have consequences as uncontrollable as the splitting of an atom." He looked down to see his assistant turning back to glare at him as they walked back to the lab. "Well, if that's the choice of Steins Gate... I'll do it. El. Psy. Kongroo."

"Who does Okabe talk to when he does that?" His assistant asked Mayuri.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!"

"Mayushii has no idea... He says such confusing things, too..."

"Don't pay him any attention, Mayuri." Kurisu agreed immediately. "If you talk to crazy people, they start rubbing off on you."

He gritted his teeth. Of course, he had forgotten how prickly this genius girl could be. "Oh, but Mayushii's been hanging around him since we were in elementary school! I'm not crazy." Thank you, Mayuri. "My parents keep reminding me not to pick up his bad habits." Of course, he shouldn't have relied on her!

"That's right, we should remind each other. That's the only way we'll ever survive his ridiculous antics."

They reached the Braun Tube Workshop and ascended the stairs. Daru had finally arrived, fresh from his latest conquest. He was playing it right out loud and, of course, refused to turn it off. Predictably, he rubbed Kurisu the wrong way. She and Mayuri moved into the development room to see their gadgets, meanwhile, he sprawled out over the couch, tired from sympathy for his broke, empty pockets. Exasperated, he picked up a headset from the table and threw it at Daru.

"What's wrong with you, man?"

"It's too loud. At least lower the volume."

"No way! I gotta play Mononoke-tan panting in full surround-sound! It's so creepy and erotic at the same time, I love it. I'm getting goosebumps all over..."

"Daru, show a little sympathy for a near dead man... Those two zombies have sucked all the life out of me."

"Nice chunnibyou."

He groaned dramatically and slid off the couch and into the development room. Kurisu's voice was low, but animated. "No matter how you look at it, it's junk."

He sighed and stepped through the curtain. "Don't call our precious gadgets junk, Assistant!" 

"I'm not your assistant! Don't go getting ideas because I said it by accident that one time!"

She was standing by Gadget Number 5, Once again, I made something worthless, by Goemon. "What about this one, hmm?" He plucked the Bamboo Helicam from its shelf. "It's a bamboo copter with a camera attached to the bottom."

"May I see?" He tossed it to her. "Not bad, actually." She admitted. "It's a nice idea."

"Oh, but if you watch the video you get dizzy." Mayuri warned. "It spins round and round and round with the bamboo copter."

"Fail." Kurisu muttered under her breath. She looked thoroughly amused. He searched her face, her hands, her motions, for any sort of recall, but there was no confusion, no sadness, no unexpected emotion. If she remembered anything at all, she wasn't showing it. He kept watching her as she ripped through the other gadgets, and for the briefest moment, he wished that he hadn't broken the Phonewave apart, if only so that he could show it to her. But only for a moment.

A little after evening, she announced that she was going back to her hotel. He didn't really have the energy to tease her about living in a hotel, nor did he feel like hoping that she would stay. He had been wishing for some great climax, some grand confession – but none had come, and now he felt like a fool. She wished a sad Mayuri goodbye, who begged her to come visit again, and ignored Daru's greeting. Then she stood in front of him, hands on her hips again. He looked up from his manga with his eyebrows raised. "Okabe." The tips of her ears were slightly pink, and that made him wonder.

"What is it, assistant?"

"I'm not your assistant. Anyway, can you come into the hallway for a moment?"

"Sure," he muttered, sweeping himself up and self-consciously ruffling his bangs, which he told himself was really just wiping the summer sweat off his brow. "Tsundere development for the win!"

"Shut up, pervert!" She shut the door with a bang that made him wince. "Careful, the lock breaks easily and it'll get added to the rent." He settled himself on the dusty stairs. She stood before him, looking very small and nervous. Please, it wasn't as though she remembered anything at all! He wanted to yell at her for making the atmosphere so charged. She began to play with her tie, and the familiar motion put him at ease. "I have some serious questions to ask you." His heartbeat rose until it thudded in his ears. "If you would prefer privacy, let us go up to the roof." He suggested. There was no need for Daru to make perverted comments through the flimsy door. "This time of the day, it won't be too hot." She nodded.

As they climbed up, he could feel her boots clacking heavily in the silence, and his own lighter footsteps, against his harsh breaths. He steadied his hand as he turned the knob. Outside, a slight breeze was blowing, and the sun was just about to set. The view wasn't that great, because they were surrounded by tall buildings all around, but it was achingly familiar. Somehow, that ache soothed his nerves, instead of adding to them. He would always have those memories, even if this Kurisu never remembered them. And maybe it was a good thing she didn't – there were some terrible ones mixed in there too.

Maybe he had been too selfish, wanting to trigger any sort of recollection at all. At least he hadn't gone as far as taking her to Radio Kaikan again. But he couldn't bear the idea that she would never remember, or that she would be scared of him. It just wasn't like her, and he... he wanted to see her face brimming over with curiosity, and affection, as it had been so many days ago. Maybe it was a mere physiological response to the cruel hormones coursing through his veins, but he was as subject to them as any mortal.

"Okabe." He looked up at her, freeing himself of his internal reverie. "Will you answer my questions honestly?"

"Vincit Omnia Veritas."

"The truth conquers all..." She muttered almost inaudibly. "Do you have to be so theatrical all the time?"

"Is that your 'serious question'?"

"No!" She exclaimed. "Any sensible person would wonder about that! That's hardly a question."

"It's a long story I'd rather not get into at this moment." He wanted, no, he needed to cut right to the chase. "Tell me your question. Ask, and you shall be answered." _Ask me about your dreams, your memories, about the lab, about Mayuri, Daru, anyone, anything at all, please._

"Why did you ask me about time travel?"

Of all possible questions, of course it had to be this one. He opened his mouth, ready to speak the golden words: "The thing I most want at the moment is 'my fork'. I already have 'my spoon'."

"Was it because you were a fan of my father's lectures? Did you think I would be more knowledgeable about time travel than him?

"Because I'm not. I'm not, do you understand?"

"Kurisu." He swallowed, surprised at the sudden passion in her voice, and took a step towards her; she took a step away, blocking him with her arms. "It wasn't about that, I promise you that. It wasn't about your father."

"Then what was it about? Why would you bring up that topic with me? You knew that my father tried to steal my research papers. You knew he hated me for knowing more than him!"

"But what I said yesterday was the truth. I did travel to the past to save you. These are facts, and they won't change. As I said, it's difficult to prove, but not impossible-"

"No!" He was surprised at the vehemence in her voice. She lowered her arm and advanced on him, tears flowing freely from her cheeks. "I don't want to hear it! I do not want to hear it, Okabe Rintaro or Hououin Kyouma or whoever you are! I have had enough of time travel! Enough!"

"Kurisu-"

"I came up here because you promised to answer my questions honestly! But now I see that means nothing to you! I don't want to hear your idiotic delusions. Enough is enough!"

"Kurisu." He didn't move away, instead, he caught her arms. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't say that to me! Don't say that." She hiccupped. He was too afraid to touch her any more than this, certain it would push her over the edge. If only...if only he could deliver the proof. But what if she didn't want to hear it? Had she recollected nothing because she'd been suppressing the memories? "I'm so sorry, Kurisu."

"You better be!" She wrenched her hands out of his grasp. He spread them wide in a 'peace' gesture. "I'm sorry."

She said nothing, but neatened her shirt, and hastily wiped away her tears. They turned to gold, and her face, scrunched up and terrible, turned redder and redder with the last shades of the dying sun. He waited for her to run away, but she did not move. Instead, she shut her eyes for a long time, as though thinking about something very difficult. He nearly spoke, but she snapped them open again. "What are you apologising for, idiot?"

"I-I..."

" That's the second time I've yelled at you for no reason." She sounded more disappointed than angry, and at herself more than him. "There's the dere-dere." He almost said, but bit it back at the last moment.

She took the opportunity to continue. "I want to be grateful to you for saving my life, but... you make it so hard." She smiled a little sadly. "Still, I had a good time today. The first time I really felt like myself since...that day. Thank you for that. I'll be going back to America on Friday, so you can consider this my final thank-you. I know it's a little hypocritical of me to be saying that after screaming at you, but, I guess I knew somewhere inside, that you're just joking. Trying to make me feel better in your own way."

His heart stopped. _I'm not joking I'm not joking I'm not joking I'm not joking-_

She sighed. "I won't ever know why my father tried to kill me, but at least you were around to save me, so it works out in the end."

_She thinks I'm joking. After all this time, you won't believe me, and you won't listen to me._

"I'm so sorry, Kurisu." He couldn't think of anything more to say. Her smile widened a little, but it stayed sad. "I told you not to apologise."

He looked away from her shining eyes.

This was it. This was the end.

The sun dipped below the horizon.

It was a being some 153,000,000,000 kilometres away from the earth, but there was none other that could express his emotions as accurately. So close, and yet so far.

"Have a good trip home, assistant. Come back and visit sometime."

"I will." It was the sort of polite Sure, I will, you said when you just wanted to leave. "I'll be going back to my hotel now, if you don't mind. Lots of packing to do, and... I badly need to rest."

"I'll walk you down the stairs."

He didn't say it with the slightest intention of being chivalrous, or even being polite to a guest. He just unashamedly wanted to spend two seconds more with her before night truly settled. She went down, and he followed. Echoes of the hopes he had rung out as he rattled down the stairs, knees weak. Suddenly, a ringtone burst from her pocket, and she answered it.

"Yes, this is Makise Kurisu. Yes. Yes, I am..."

She stoppped short on the stairs, nearly making him bump into her. They were on the second floor landing again. It would be the last time Makise Kurisu would set foot here again...and that too, was, apparently, the choice of Steins Gate. So he would accept it.

She turned back to look at him, and fear flashed across her face. "What's happening?" He demanded.

"No, I will be able to come. I'll be there by tomorrow. Thank you."

She put her phone away, and opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. "Just spit it out." She looked like she really needed some support, but to put a hand on her shoulder would only earn a, "Get off me, pervert." Anyway, he didn't want to upset her any further, so he tried to adjust his lab coat and face into a more serious mood. "Remember when I told you that you're Lab Member number four?"

She didn't reply, but continued to watch his face, like she was trying to decide whether to throw him down the stairs or not. He gulped and looked away. "It still stands. Whether you have the pin or not, that number will be reserved as yours forever. And as the head of the Future Gadget Laboratory, it is my duty to help you in your time of need."

"Okabe. Okabe, will you go to Aomori with me?"


	2. The Seeds Of Supersaturation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two!
> 
> I don't own Steins;Gate.
> 
> Enjoy.

"A-Aomori?"

"A-ah-" His face had turned a pale white, and his expression was that of a kicked puppy. It reminded her of the fact that she had just proposed that they take a 700 kilometre trip across Japan. Tonight. There was no need to take it so personally, though. Really. She wasn't that bad of a travelling companion. "I know it's very sudden, but I don't know anyone else in Japan, and I didn't think I could go there on my own, but - it's okay, I'll go alone, it's not a big deal, I was just feeling scared for a moment, that's why I asked you. Don't go getting any ideas. Okabe!"

His facial expression was that of a person who was watching their lab rat die of a disease they had implanted. Well, it didn't matter anyway. She had better things to do besides take a random stranger on a road trip. Her moment of weakness was merely that. "I have to leave now, I need to book my bus ticket. Bye."

"You're going tonight?"

She nodded her head rapidly as she shot down the stairs. Her adrenaline response had been triggered, the same as when she'd met Okabe by accident in the street. There was a little excitement, at the thought of seeing her childhood home, but she could barely feel it over the pounding of her heart in her throat and her lungs. In all her years, she'd rarely, if ever, felt so much emotion that she felt nothing, as clearly as she did now _. I can't tell what kinds of hormones might be running through my blood right now. Something is wrong._

The world tilted, then balanced - his grip pressed down on her arm, stopping her in mid-air. "Kurisu, wait! Are you sure about this? Think about it calmly!"

"Let go of me!"

"Shut up, you lot, or I'll raise your rent!" A voice roared from downstairs.

The back of Okabe's head swam into focus; he was dragging her back up the stairs. She violently jerked her arm away, but he didn't let go. "Let go of me right now!"

"Kurisu. Are you sure you want to go see your father?"

"I'm not - how do you know my father used to live in Aomori?" Something seemed familiar about this scenario - this had never happened before, she was sure of that, but she was still getting a strong sense of déjà vu, _already seen_. Or maybe it was really déjà rêvé, the _already dreamt._

"I read it in the newspaper," he answered hesitantly. Every cell in his body seemed to be screaming that he was lying, but that was an irrational assumption, because it wasn't like she knew what he looked like when he was lying. "Isn't he still in Russia? But - and do you really want me to go with you? I will. I'd-yes. I'll go."

"Why do you want to go with me so badly? What is your problem?" To go to Aomori, she would have to take the night bus, since there would be no hope of taking the bullet train at such short notice. If she waited till tomorrow, she would have to tell her mother and her mother would forbid her to go, considering everything that had gone on between her and her father. She would have to book the tickets as soon as possible, because if they sold out, she would have to go tomorrow anyway. Which meant telling her mother, which meant not going at all.

_I wanted to make up with my father no matter what. I wanted to tell my father that I love him, one last time. I didn't get to do that before, so I have to do it now. Even...if he isn't there to hear it._

"Why do you want to go to Aomori?" He asked. Apparently, since she hadn't answered the first question, he had moved on to another. She looked for any hint of laughter or ridicule in his voice, but there was none. It seemed like he was trying to be serious - of course, she hadn't known him for long enough to truly understand his character, but...

"Christina!"

"Huh?"

"Stop muttering under your breath and speak out loud."

"I'll do whatever I want!" He locked gazes with her, challenging her. "And I'm not going there to meet my father. The Japanese government confiscated his assets in retaliation for him taking asylum in Russia, since he's wanted for attempted murder. Since I'm his closest relative, they're being transferred over to me. I can claim them any time within thirty days, as long as I show up in person with proper identification."

"Wouldn't his closest relative be your mother?"

"No. They're divorced, and he's an only child."

"So, your house in Aomori..."

"Will be mine if I claim it."

"Why are you going today? Didn't you say that your flight is on Friday? You have plenty of time to plan properly." The tiny bit of annoyance she had felt earlier was rapidly growing into anger. "I want to go today because I know that if I put it off for tomorrow, my mother will do everything in her power to convince me not to go."

"But are you sure you want to go so late? On an overnight bus?"

What he was saying made sense, but she didn't want to be scolded about her safety by a man in an dangerously oversized lab coat. "Don't tell me what I can and cannot do, Okabe Rintaro! I am perfectly capable of taking the overnight bus!"

"That's Hououin Kyouma to you, Christina!"

"If you're going to insist on me calling you that ridiculous name, then at least stop calling me Christina!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

"Who even is that?" Okabe looked thoroughly chastised. "Shh, shh, just come inside, we can talk inside." He motioned to her frantically.

"But I need to book tickets-"

"You can do that at the lab too, we have a PC. Come inside."

The door creaked as it let them in. Mayuri was looking at them with a mixture of curiosity and concern, while the pervert was fast asleep in front of their computer terminal. No doubt the only reason the screaming man downstairs hadn't woken him up was that he had burnt himself out with the eroge from earlier. Okabe woke him up and hauled him out of the chair. "Kurisu, weren't you going to go back to your hotel?" Mayuri asked. She had definitely been disturbed by the argument.

"Oh, I'm sorry about worrying you, Mayuri. I got a phone call, that's all. It turns out I urgently need to leave for Aomori today." She watched anxiously as Okabe turned the PC on.

"Really? I haven't been there, but isn't that really far away? You shouldn't leave so late at night all alone."

"That's what I've been telling her." Okabe agreed triumphantly. "She won't listen to me, so hopefully she'll listen to you."

"Okarin's right, Kurisu. It's not safe to go. Go tomorrow, please?" Mayuri's earnest expression made her feel embarrassed. _Under the extreme stress and fear that going to my old home has caused, I'm no longer thinking rationally. I need to be more cautious. Is going to Aomori really the best option, or am I just acting like a stubborn child?_ "Kurisu, come sit down. Would you like some tea?"

She allowed the girl in the sweet blue dress to lead her over to the sofa. "I would make some of my favourite food for you, but we ate it all up yesterday. Do you know what my favourite food is?" Kurisu mutely shook her head.

"It's Juicy Karaage Numbah One!" _She's treating me like a child, but somehow, it doesn't feel condescending. I wish she could come along, but considering that we just met today and that she's a minor, it would be rude to even ask._

The lab fell silent as Daru rubbed his eyes, Mayuri mixed the tea, and Okabe rapidly clicked his way to the bus website. "Christina, it is now time for you to make the decision that will determine your fate." Okabe said, turning around from the PC terminal. What was he talking about? "One ticket, or...two?"

Why did he want to come along so badly? Why did he even think he had a chance of her saying, "Two tickets, please, please come with me, Oka-kun!" like this was some shoujo manga?

"Or will it be...zero tickets and one for tomorrow's day bus?"

"Pick zero tickets!" Mayuri cheered. "Here, take this, it's barley tea. Careful, it's hot." To avoid burying her head in her hands, she took a sip. It was just the right temperature. She looked at Okabe, who was clearly waiting for her answer. There was a little smile on his face.

She shook her head, and looked back down at her tea. Going tomorrow was not an option, but if even Mayuri was saying that going tonight was a bad choice, then she had to listen to her good sense. But then, the only remaining option was -

No way. She would never go with a boy-!

Was Okabe even-?

That he was so enthusiastic to go with her made her feel suspicious, and irritated. But if he was planning to take advantage of her, wouldn't he have done it before now? It wasn't like he had planned this. It was so sudden, and even she had been shocked.

Besides, when she had asked him, he had looked so hurt. And even now, he looked sad, though he was smiling. Almost cynical.

Maybe, if she could trust him not to do anything, it would be better if he actually came along. It was hard to admit, but it was true. She needed someone, or she was going to self destruct. _I might be a bit of a tsundere, but I hope I'm not entirely stupid for doing this._

"Okabe, book two tickets for tonight."

"Seriously?"

"Just do it." She groaned.

"This is the choice of Steins Gate!" He yelped, with the stupidest of grins on his face. He launched into a tirade about the whims of fate and the sun, but she cut it off midway. "Just remember that if you even think about taking advantage of this situation in any way, I'll kill you and dump your body in the sea near Aomori, got it?"

"Oh, if you're going with someone, it's not that unsafe. But Kurisu, who's the second ticket for?" Mayuri asked in all her innocence.

"I'm asking Okabe to come with me." Suddenly, it occurred to her that Mayuri and Okabe might be in a relationship, or at least friends with secret crushes - she had been getting signals from Mayuri's side all afternoon - if so, she was asking for something terrible. "I mean! If it's okay with you, Mayuri. Feel free to say so if it's not!"

"I don't have any problems if he wants to go, but won't your parents be worried, Okarin?" _Are you sure, Mayuri?_

He waved his hand without turning around. "I'll convince them, so don't worry about that."

"I can't believe you're doing this to me, Okarin...You promised we'd be wizards together."

"Shut up, pervert!" She and Okabe reacted at the exact same moment. "It's not like we're going there for fun, okay? We're going by bus and coming back bus. We won't even stay there the whole night. It's nothing like you're thinking about. And that goes for you too, Okabe. I'm only asking you because there's nobody else in Tokyo I can trust." She stood up and made her way over to the computer. "I'll pay, so move."

"What's the time?" Mayuri wondered. "If it's an overnight bus, don't you have to leave soon?"

Kurisu checked the timings. "It leaves from Shinjuku station at 9:30..." She took a look at the time on the desktop. "It's eight fifteen!" She quickly confirmed their tickets and her email address. "Meet me in front of Shinjuku station at nine twenty, Okabe!" She didn't wait to hear his reply, and was relieved that he didn't stop her this time as she flew out of the lab.

In her hotel room, a heart pounding run later, she took a quick two minute bath, shot off a message to Okabe threatening that she would also kill him and dump his body en route if he smelled, and called up her mother. Kurisu was calling her first for the second time in two days. Her mother was going to think it was a miracle. "Hello Mama, someone from the Aomori Municipality called me up about half an hour ago and told me..." She explained the entire situation.

Her mother was quiet for a few moments. Maybe she was thinking about the years gone by. The silence was good, so Kurisu didn't bother to break it.

"Very well. I'll come to Japan in October and sort it all out, so don't worry, okay?"

"Actually, I'm going there today, and you can't tell me not to go because I am going."

"Makise Kurisu, have you lost it? I've tolerated you acting out this entire past month because I thought you might be feeling upset, but this is the limit. You are not going to Aomori."

"I already booked the tickets."

"I'll put a freeze on your credit card, I'm warning you!"

"I already booked the tickets, Mama. And you can't do that anyway, I turned 18 in July."

"I put money in that account, Kurisu. Don't you dare."

"I already booked the tickets, Mama." Kurisu repeated impatiently, as she fussed over her lack of jackets: Aomori could get cold this close to September, while she had only brought summer clothes from the States, thinking that she would leave before August.

"Where are you right now?"

"I'm in my hotel room."

"You aren't going by those overnight buses, are you? Don't do that. It's not safe. If you feel like you have to go, go tomorrow."

She dropped one of the hotel's free water bottles into her sack. Then she thought about it a little more, and grabbed a Dk. Pepper from the mini fridge in her room. Lately, she'd developed an extreme fondness for the drink, so much that she even dreamed about drinking it sometimes. She had become suspicious and had researched into whether it contained any potentially addictive substances, but apparently not. "I'm going today." Her voice was low, but firm.

"Kurisu, did something happen?"

"What? No. Nothing."

"You've been acting differently since you called me up yesterday. I know you don't like talking about your emotions, but can't you at least trust your mother?"

"Look, I'm not going to Aomori alone, so I'll be safe, okay? I haven't become some sort of adrenaline junkie." She cringed at this. She hadn't been planning on telling her mother that she was taking an overnight trip with a boy.

"Don't change the subject. And who are you going with?"

"Mama, I-"

"Who are you going with, Kurisu? I need to know."

She paused at the door of her hotel room, struggling with the key. This was an old fashioned hotel, so they didn't have smart cards, like they did in America. "Yesterday, I- I mean - I met the person who saved my life, I finally found them."

"Wasn't that a man? I had thought you had gone crazy, before but now I know you have. Kurisu, you are not getting on that bus. I will call them up and cancel your ticket myself."

"I'm sorry, Mama?" She shouted it loud enough for the entire hotel to hear as she sprinted down the stairs. It was quicker than waiting for the lift. "I don't know anyone else in Japan? So? So does that mean I can't go?"

"Kurisu, don't take that tone with me!"

"I have to go now, sorry, bye." She arrived, breathless, at the lobby, and pressed her key into the hands of the clerk, who looked thoroughly amused. Then she switched on silent mode, and threw her phone into her sack. She could take her mother's phone calls again when she was safely settled in the bus.

At 9:22, she arrived outside Shinjuku station, after a half hour long train ride. Okabe was waiting for her. That was just as well, because if he hadn't been there, she wouldn't have known what to do. She didn't even have his number. Well, if he hadn't shown up, she would've gone on her own anyway. Maybe it would have been good riddance, considering how annoying he was. Inviting him along hadn't been a good idea. Hence proved.

She could recognise him easily because of his white lab coat. He still hadn't taken it off, and he'd been wearing it all day. Disgusting. "I told you to shower!"

"You're late, Christina!" He gloated, with his mouth stretched wide to show all his teeth. On one hand, she wanted to apologise - clearly, he'd been waiting for her - and on the other hand, he and that hateful grin somehow managed to bring out her rude, wild side she'd spent her childhood repressing. Her troll side. "Let's just get to the bus station."

"No need to move anywhere. We are already at the sacred grounds where buses arrive." She resisted the urge to call him out on his chunnibyou. She was tired of arguing.

A few other people were standing around, too, but not too many. It was still early. There was lots of late night traffic, and neon advertisements blinked in the sky. In Aomori, things were much quieter this time of the night, though there would still be many tourists and young people going for a night out. Or maybe that was just the Aomori of her dreams, and it would actually turn out to be a roaring, smoking metropolis when she arrived. And the house-what had happened to the house?

She imagined vines growing all over the walls, the gate and the backyard. No, that wasn't right, her father had been living there till recently, so he definitely would have taken at least the bare minimum care of the garden. She tried to remember her own room, and got only fleeting impressions - the time she'd decided that having her walls painted pink like a little girl was embarrassing, so she had secretly bought a bucket of paint and coloured it all red in the night, looking out her window to wave to her mother as she came in from work, the days spent on her bed with a book from her father's study, not really consciously studying the material, not yet, but simply reading it for pleasure -

She hadn't really understood the vehemence and revulsion in her father's voice until he had left. Or maybe she had, because it had hurt her somewhere deep inside. But she definitely hadn't understood what it had meant. She had just been a child who wanted to explore the world of physics with her father.

She didn't feel mentally prepared to revisit that place.

The bus arrived with a jolt and a hiss, as it leaned over on its side to accommodate any elderly passengers. The two of them were only carrying backpacks, so they climbed up without stowing away any luggage. Their seats were near the back - they had been the only ones still available. He demanded the window seat, like a child, so she gave in easily. She hadn't wanted it anyway, because if something dangerous did happen, it would be better to be seated on the outside. Easier to run away.

Their sacks were settled by their feet. Wincing, she reached for her phone, then winced at the inevitable torrent of missed calls. She felt his gaze on her, no doubt wondering who had called her so many times, avoided looking at him and his rude, nosey questions. To her surprise, the last two phone calls were from Maho.

Her phone vibrated, announcing a video call from Maho. She would have to put an end to this once and for all. "Okabe, I'm going to answer this, but if you talk or even move into the frame, you're dead, got it?"

"Not going to introduce me to," he read the name on the phone with some surprise, "your Senpai?"

"No, I'm not." _Why does he look hurt? Who does he think he is, for me to introduce him to Senpai?_ Well, if he had been capable of acting normal then maybe, but he wasn't, and anyway, it wouldn't have been any good in this situation.

"Hello, Kurisu." Maho stated in a flat voice. She looked rumpled as usual, even though it was around ten or eleven in the morning in America. "Your mother called me up to tell me that I needed to stop you from running away with a boy."

She sputtered at the nerve of her mother at telling her Senpai, whom she had always respected, and, who she hoped respected her, this terribly inaccurate summary of events. "No, Senpai! That won't be necessary."

"So does that mean you're going to get off the bus, or?"

"How did you know I was in the bus?" She cried. Maho sighed and looked away. Damnit, was she sitting in the lab? She would die if her colleagues heard this. "I mean! I'm not running away. And definitely not with a boy. I'm perfectly fine, Senpai, I'm just going to Aomori to run an errand. That's a town a little far away from Tokyo. I'll be back at the lab on Monday like I promised."

"Why are you going there so late at night? What's so important about going there that you can't even wait a day? Have you no regard for your own safety? You might have turned eighteen this year, but that's no reason to act all rebellious."

"I'm sorry for making you worry about me, Senpai. I'm just going there today because it's more convenient."

"Good god, I sound like your mother." Maho buried her head in her hands. "And my mother. I hate myself. And you."

She winced. "Are you alright, Senpai?"

"No, no thanks to you. Look, your mother's really worried about you."

"I'm sorry, Senpai." The bus was now running, she realised with delight. Now nobody would be able to call her up and tell her to get off. Well, they could, but she would be physically unable to comply, unless she wanted to die from being thrown off a moving bus at eighty kilometres an hour.

"Get off the bus."

"I can't. The bus left."

"Oho, I see that your senpai is also an intellectual who wears the discerning cloth of the scientific profession. Hello."

"Okabe!"

She wondered belatedly whether he had been peeking behind her the whole time. "I told you not to come into the frame, why can't you listen to a single thing I say?"

"So this is the boy."

"He's just a random guy!"

"A random guy? That sounds even worse, you know that, right?"

"I - he - I -" has stopped functioning.

"I'm the man whom she met atop Radio Kaikan. Seeing as I'm the man who saved her life, I would doubt that I would take the trouble to put it in danger again."

 _Wow_ , Kurisu almost exclaimed. _So you can talk somewhat normally_. "However-! That is what I would say if I were cut from the same cloth as mortal men and women. Fortunately, that is not the case. I bear the mark of the mad scientist's cloak." He flapped his lab coat into the lens and drew a hand dramatically through his bangs. "There is no telling what terrible experiments I might conduct upon this assistant of mine. So you have every right to fear me - no. It is essential for your very survival to fear me. For you are tangling with the great and terrible insane mad scientist, Hououin Kyouma!" Maho looked like Okabe's lab coat had slapped her in the face through the camera.

"He's a little strange, Senpai. That's all. But I know how to deal with him. He actually harmless." Kurisu cut in, the phone shaking a little in her grasp. Okabe muttered the words 'harmless' over and over in a high pitched voice behind her. "Kurisu, are you sure there are absolutely no more stops in Tokyo where you could get off?"

"Even if there are," Okabe interrupted, "she will not be getting off. She has fallen into my trap, and I will not be letting her go any time soon. Expect her on Monday with her brain chemistry significantly altered." He jabbed at the end call button. Her immediate reaction was to pull the phone away, but the damage had been done.

"Why did you do that? That's not going to make her worry about me any less, is it? You're useless." She called Maho up again, shaking her head.

Maho wasn't picking up.

"Are you sure you want to call her again?"

"Huh?"

She tried again. The bus jolted a little. Kurisu waited fifteen seconds, then a minute, but Maho did not pick up, nor call back. "She isn't picking up, is she?" Tears came into her eyes, as though she'd had a fight. "Why? Why isn't she calling me back?"

He burst out into what she first thought was an imitation of a donkey braying and later realised was apparently meant to be maniacal laughter. It was so unexpected that she didn't know how to react. Several people on the bus glanced at them concernedly, turning her bright red from embarrassment. "Because she has seen the evil genius of Hououin Kyouma, and trembles in fear! No doubt she cowers and lurks near her phone, not wanting to provoke me into twisting your arm."

"You chunnibyou..." She growled through clenched teeth. "Shut. Up. Or I will throw you out of this window." He smiled slightly. "I live in fear." She huffed and tossed herself back into her seat. He thrust his nose into the air and leaned back into his seat, closing his eyes.

His phone rang, and she wondered tiredly if it would now be his parents calling to tell him to get off the bus.

"Ah yeah, it's me. I'm on the bus. She is fine. Yes, yes, I'll tell her." He shut off the phone and settled into his window to gaze at the stars outside.

"What did Mayuri want to tell me?"

He snuggled into his seat. "How did you know it was her? Hmph, just to have a good journey or something equally corny."

Mayuri wasn't like that, was she? Sure, she was sweeter than anyone Kurisu had ever met, but that was just who she was. She always wished for the best for everyone, no matter what. Although she had barely gotten to know her, Kurisu already felt a strong affection for the girl.

Then again, she and Okabe were "childhood friends", and based on what she'd seen today...well, who knew what that meant. "You shouldn't say that," she began tentatively. Okabe gave her a sharp glance that made her immediately feel as though she had jumped into dangerous territory. "I mean - I don't really know Mayuri Shiina, but she seems really nice."

"Believe me, I appreciate her the most out of anyone in the world."

There was a mystery there, something she wanted to bring out and test, hypothesis by hypothesis. "Surely you wouldn't say something like that about her if you thought that."

"I-" It had gotten far too quiet between them for her liking. "Mayuri is Mayuri. I know each and every one of her virtues and faults like I know the periodic table."

"So, very badly." She hedged, trying to dissolve the tension between them. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around his head. "Of course I know that perfectly well. I invented half of those measly elements."

"Then recite it."

"Wha-what? Now?"

"Of course. You should be able to say it in your sleep if you're really a mad scientist, Mr. Hououin."

"A-ah..." He glanced around to the left and the right, obviously searching for a distraction, but she wasn't going to let him go this time. "Okabe! Hop to it!"

"Give me a little time. A little time. Okay. Helium, Hyd- I mean, Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine..."

"...Calcium, Scandium, Titanium..."

"...Caesium, Barium, Lanthanum, oh, um-"

_Come on, say Cerium. You've gotten this far. It surprised me, you know? I didn't even think you would get farther than Neon._

"Hafnium-"

_Too bad, Okabe Rintarou._

"You realise that you skipped the entire lower section, right?" She smiled triumphantly as he sputtered indignantly. She had won the battle of wits, and over the periodic table of all things. Even fifth graders knew that old thing by heart.

"Not the entire section. Not the entire section! I said Lanthanum! I said Lanthanum, Cerium, Praseodymium-"

"Too late." She felt a kind of irrational happiness at crushing him, even though he'd never beaten her before in return. He made a face. "You do realise that I'm a mechanical engineering student and I don't need to do much chemistry, right?"

"You're not worthy of being called a scientist, let alone a mad scientist."

His face contorted into a scowl that made her feel an almost childish glee. "You will feel my wrath one of these days. I swear it to Thor, Odin, and every single gadget of mine you have insulted till now. I will avenge you all." Wow, he could hold a grudge. If they were pathetic, what else did he expect her to say?

She turned her nose up in the air, imitating him. "I'll look forward to it. But please, at least make it amusing. Beating you so easily is no fun." That wasn't true at all, actually, but she wouldn't admit to such an irrational emotion.

He sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Alright, I'll try my best, genius girl."

It was said without any ulterior feeling besides respect and affection, and she was so amazed that she turned to stare at him. _How does he not have an ego? I can never get along with men, usually, the moment I gloat even a little, the conversation goes off the deep end._

_Seriously, did I trample over it so much that he gave up all hope?_

_He's turning red. Why is he turning red?_

_Oh god, I've been staring at him for hours and hours._

He turned away to look out the window again, his fingers going tap-tap-tap at the sill, matching the beating of her heart.

_Okay, that's way too corny a line, even for me._

She looked away, covering her eyes with her hands. Thankfully, nobody was looking at them as though they were anything out of the ordinary.

The conductor announced that they were dimming the lights, and she was grateful for the sudden darkness. No need to hide her face any more. Probably.

Now that the lights had been shut off, she could see the stars outside a lot more clearly. Dark shapes whipped by in the countryside, but the stars hardly moved, twinkling peacefully. Okabe, too, was just a dark mass pressed against the shiny window that reflected the light of people's phones.

Phone.

Maho still hadn't called. She checked it, just to be sure that she hadn't missed it by accident. "Don't-"

"Huh?" He had turned back to look at her, about to say something, but now he looked guilty, like she had caught him looking at hentai.

"Ah-nothing."

She sighed. The day had been full of excitement and disappointment, and it would be logical for them to rest up before they got off at Aomori. They weren't going to stop there for tomorrow night, after all - and it was a good thing they weren't - but taking the bus two nights in a row would take a toll on their sleep for sure. "We should sleep now."

"Have you even eaten dinner?"

His question hurt a little. She hadn't even thought about dinner. But so what? She didn't feel hungry enough for dinner these days. "No, I haven't. I'll just go straight to sleep."

"Aren't you hungry?" She saw him smile, the light from the stars and streetlights outside reflecting off his face. It was difficult to tell which one it was: his usual dopey grin, or the gentle smile he had probably been wearing when he had said, "I'll try my best, genius girl."

"I-"

"Or could it be that you don't want any food from me because it's from my 'useless' lab? Or, perhaps, are you trying out a new diet, Christina?"

I can't believe him. "Neither, alright? I'm just not hungry."

"Surrrrre."

He reached into his pack and rummaged around. "Mayuri bought this steam bun for me. She bought one for you too because, apparently, you looked like you were in such a big hurry that you would forget to eat, but that's too bad. I have now reserved both of them for myself."

Well, if Mayuri had bought it specially for her, there was no way she was letting this idiot eat it. "Okabe. Give it to me."

"Not a chance."

"Fine, I don't want it anyway." She leaned back enough to make her seat creak noisily, and closed her eyes. "And Okabe, I'm telling you this again, but for the last time. If you take advantage of this situation in any which way, I will shout loud enough that every single person on the bus will wake up, and the conductor will cart you off to the police station. You have been warned."

"I should never have offered you this." He muttered in a voice muffled by food. "This bun is legendary for sating the rumbling of a stomach like food from Odin's table. Of course you, a non-believer, doesn't have the right to even grasp a crumb." He's completely ignoring me. She genuinely wasn't hungry - she was used to not eating dinner - but his teasing was just so outlandish that she didn't even want to reply. It was the sound of his voice, droning on and on about the bun, that she couldn't tolerate. A lot of other passengers were asleep too, why couldn't she be? She didn't usually sleep this early, but she'd stayed up till late last night, and judging by his consistently instant replies, so had he. He ought to have understood her need for sleep, or at least sympathized.

Eventually, he fell silent while crumpling the wrapping paper, and she sighed in relief. Finally. "You really don't want any?"

Apparently, he still hadn't gotten the hint. "No. I do not. Leave me alone."

"Skipping meals isn't good for you."

"You're one to talk. "Mad scientists must eat unhealthy things," don't you say that all the time? Shut up and let me sleep."

She waited for a good minute, but he didn't say anything back. She wondered whether her words had been a bit too harsh, but they hadn't crossed the line in any way, and he wasn't the kind of person she could be overly polite to anyway. He took advantage of that far too easily.

"Good night, Christina."

"There's no -tina."

"Mmm." He sounded strangely happy. She tried not to think about it. Her breathing slowed, gradually, and she dropped off into a sleep filled with the usual strange dreams, of pink cats and Dk. Pepper and an aching pain, deep in her gut.


	3. The Solution To An Addiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back.
> 
> I don't own Steins; Gate.
> 
> Enjoy.

He didn't regret spending most of the night on atchannel, because Kurisu had woken up in the middle of the night as the bus went over a bump, and quietly watched him type out comments, until she gave herself away by correcting his grammar. In Daru's words, the grammar police needed to explode, and this officer had gotten her just desserts. Teasing her had been delicious.

Well, his eyes didn't really agree, but that was their problem.

He was now struggling to stay awake in Aomori Ward Office No.6. It would have been fine, because Kurisu was the only one who had any actual work there, but he didn't want to sleep at ten in the morning, or it would ruin the rest of the day. "Oi, Christina."

"Huh? There's no -tina. Stop calling me that." She turned around in the line of depressed old people to look at him. It struck him, from this close angle, that she seemed a little thinner than usual. He would make sure she ate.

"I'm going to go grab us some breakfast." He jabbed his thumbs at the WcDonald's visible outside. Hey, it didn't have to be healthy food, did it?

"I'm almost at the front of the line." She protested. He wanted to think a little more about it, but he was completely out of energy. "I'll sit in the WcDonald's, you come by when you're done, alright? Send me a mail if you want me to order for you."

She seemed reluctant - what was she so nervous about, it wasn't like these old people were going to suddenly turn into cannibals and eat her up? - but he stumbled out into the bright sunlight outside, and crawled across the street. The restaurant had its lights turned on inside even though it was the beginning of the day. What a waste of energy. He ordered an egg burger and a bottle of Dk. pepper, and huddled in his lab coat at the only clean table. His eyes were so close to closing that he was sure he would drop off before the order arrived, so he grasped for his phone. The screen burned his retinas.

Mayuri called at the exact moment he was about to put it back in his pockets. It was a video call, but he wasn't registering much. "Hey. It's me."

"Hey! Kyouma! Don't go to sleep! Open your nyayes!"

He made several embarrassing unintelligible sounds as he took in the fact that Mayuri was not holding the phone, but Faris. She was sitting on the lab sofa. "Did they make you drink the dreaded sleep draught of the Seven Dwarves? You're doomed, nya!"

It was too early in the morning for this. "Yes, they did. I can barely stay awake. Prepare to see me again in...ugh... Valhalla."

"Kyouma. Don't lose hope. If I use my secret Voice Rousing power, it might help awaken your soul. But it might be too dangerous, nya! You won't even be able to sleep at nyaight if I use it. "

What on earth was she going on about? Well, he wasn't so clueless about why she did this, any more, but that didn't make it less annoying. "That won't be necessary. I've ordered a restorative at the capitalist prison I currently find myself in."

"Faris, Faris, could you say the whole thing again? Just add an a- sound in front of rousing, please."

"Nyo way! I slipped up and revealed my secret power in front of all you, nya! Now I'll never speak of it out loud again, I promise you, brother. I won't betray your trust ever again, nya." Okabe resorted to burying his head in his arms and making more sounds. A waitress came by in his peripheral vision, and asked, did he want to have a coke instead of Dk. Pepper? He waved her away by sticking his fingers through a gap.

"Kyouma! Don't go to sleep, nya..."

"Sorry." He muttered, not at all sorry. If all she wanted to do was talk about this chunnibyou nonsense, couldn't she call later? Did she really miss his company so much that she had to call the moment he left Tokyo?

"What's this we're hearing, mmm? You picked up a poor peasant girl and ran off with her?" Was she talking about Kurisu? Did she have to make it sound like he had kidnapped her?

"I didn't run off anywhere. She had an errand to run in Aomori, so I came along with her."

"She paid for their tickets." Mayuri added helpfully from somewhere in the back. "Is that true, Okabe?" Lukako wondered, edging into the camera view. "She didn't force you to go, did she? I mean, I didn't think she'd do that, I was just worried when you left so suddenly. I mean, I don't know her at all, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay! As your friend."

He sighed dramatically. "You are my friend Lukako, but before that, we are master and disciple. Address me as Kyouma. Or Hououin Kyouma."

"Ye-yes, Oka-I mean, Kyouma."

"To answer your question, she didn't drag me anywhere. I volunteered to go help her in her time of need."

"That sounds so nyoble." Faris sighed. "What are you two doing?"

He didn't, in fact, know what she was doing. She had been standing in a line, but for what, he did not remember. Before he could deflect the question, the door chimed and Kurisu burst in. "Okabe."

She sound like she was about to make him kneel on the floor and hit him with a book , so he got up, ready to take evasive action. "I didn't do anything!"

"It's not you, you idiot! It's the Municipality. Of course, if they were efficient, we wouldn't elect them, would we?"

"You sound like my grandmother."

"Don't call me old."

"I never called you old."

"Then shut up."

"Kurisu, Kurisu, what's wrong?" Mayuri asked in a tinny voice. The call was still on. "Show me Kurisu, Okarin." He sighed and facilitated the exchange. "It's nothing, it's just a little setback. They said on the phone that they would have the paperwork ready, but they don't, and the man responsible for it is apparently on leave. I guess they weren't expecting me to come over immediately. Even though I told them I would."

"Oh no, now what?"

Kurisu groaned. "I'll probably have to stay the night here. I threatened them into promising that it would be ready by tomorrow, but...I probably scared all the senior citizens in there, and...ah, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's not like I threatened to burn down the place or anything, aha, aha."

"That's really scary, you haven't booked a hotel or anything... Okarin, what are you going to do?"

"Uh, ah..." A waitress stepped in between them to deliver his food. "Where's the Dk. Pepper I ordered? I can't think without it," he added for Kurisu's benefit. "Without the drink of the intellectuals, the entire world order might be broken-huh?"

"I'm saying, I told you last time I came by, sir, we don't have any Dk. Pepper today. Please excuse us for the inconvenience. Would you like to order some coke instead?"

"No, no, no, no. No coke. None at all."

"I'm sorry sir, but we don't have anything else at the moment."

"How can you not have it at the moment? It's ten thirty in the morning. You should have gotten a new shipment by now."

"I'm really sorry, sir."

"Okabe, don't make a scene."

"Don't bully her, Okarin." The chorus of voices made him give in exasperatedly. "Fine, do you have coffee?"

"Sir, this is a WcDonald's. Not a cafe."

"Fine, fine." The waitress walked away with a stuffy air. "What are you laughing at?" He asked Kurisu. No doubt she had caught the "Woman, this is a WcDonald's drive-through" reference. Still, it was fun to tease her.

"Nothing. Don't like look at me like that." She turned away. So she was still fuming over the debacle at the ward office. "Okarin, I'm going to have to say bye-bye because my data is starting to get low, okay?"

He turned the phone back to face him. "Sure, sure. Your parents must not give you a lot."

"Ehehe, it is a lot, but I use it all up so quickly it doesn't feel like much. But Okarin, did you sleep okay on the bus? You don't look well."

He could feel Kurisu's gaze on him. Did she actually feel... concerned for him? Well, that would be nice, but he didn't want to indulge in fantasies. Especially now that they might stay the night here. "A mad scientist has no time for sleep. Nor does he have any need for it!" He gave a dramatic flourish, angling the camera towards his face. Hmm, that looked good. Or maybe just freaky.

"But Okarin, you really don't look well." He lowered the phone, disgruntled. Mayuri was beginning to wise up to his antics these days. She had even brought this up when everyone was present, so that he couldn't just brush her off. He would have to be more careful.

"Okabe, I'm really sorry, but I agree with Mayuri." Lukako chimed in. "The dark circles under your eyes are really concerning..."

"What are you talking about, nya? He always looks like this. But it's nyot good. Brew a sleep potion if you have to, nya."

"Betrayed by my own lab mems? The treachery!"

"Make sure you sleep early. Okay bye, Okarin!" The call ended and he turned to Kurisu, who had apparently placed her own order and received it too. It would have been nice if she had asked him to order for her, he would have tricked her with it by pretending that he didn't have it - a burger wrapped in paper would be easy to hide - and then he'd pull it out so naturally when she would be at her wit's end, and...that was quite enough of daydreaming.

"Hey. It's me. Apparently the Organisation has perfected its mind altering rays. I'm the first to report it? No doubt it's because the rest are still reeling from its effects. I managed to get away, but I'm afraid it's turning me insane."

"Do you ever stop doing that?"

He ignored her. "It's all because I'm in close proximity to a suspected spy right now. No doubt the Organization is trying to get me to submit to her will. But I'll find a way to prevail, so don't worry about me. El. Psy. Kongroo." He put the phone down and took a bite of his burger. He now regretted not asking for the coke. The sugar would have made life easier to deal with.

"Well?" He drawled, trying to get her glare off his person. It did not disappear. He adjusted the collar of his coat nervously. "What are we going to do?"

"I'll have to book a hotel, for starters." She set down her food and groaned. "Mama's going to kill me."

"It was hardly your fault, Christina."

"There's no -tina. And she'll just go on and on about how I should've left on today's day bus, so I would have gone to the office tomorrow."

"Why are you angsting over this now? Didn't you act all heroic on the bus?"

"It's none of your business." Well, she had made it his business by dragging him along. That said, it wasn't as though he didn't feel like he had manipulated her into saying yes.

Still, what had been done had been done. And if it was the will of Steins Gate that they be here...then even if it wasn't how he'd wanted and she refused to listen to him and she would probably never even hear him confess again and he was nearly dead inside at this point... He couldn't let her feel this way about the first ever trip they were taking together. He wouldn't let her feel the same way as he did.

He slid his arms across the table, and rested his head in them, so that he was looking up at her. "Well, you can't change the past," unless you can travel through time was probably a bad joke to make right now, "so don't worry about it. You wanted to come here, so you did. Take responsibility for it."

"I am...I am taking responsibility for it." Her facial muscles softened a little, which pleased him. "I've always been doing that." She looked down again. Great, now he had somehow made her sad. _How do brains work again? Ask the genius neuroscientist siting in front of you, will you?_

"So? Why was it so important that you defy your mother and your Senpai and come here today?"

Her grip tightened around the burger. "You don't need to know, these are my problems. I've dragged you into all this, haven't I? I'm really sorry."

"Tell me." _I want to be right smack dab in the middle of your problems. You are my problem. No. Wait. That sounds wrong._ "I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

"Why would you?" The distrust in her voice stung, but only a little. They'd had this argument before, and he had won. "You're a member of my lab. As I explained to you before, you may have refused the pin, but the pin will never refuse you. We will support you no matter what you do. And as the head of the lab and its founder, it is primarily my responsibility to do so." The pin was actually in the pocket of his lab coat. In case she ever wanted it back. "So, Kurisu." Oh man. Her name. He hadn't meant to let that slip out. Of course, it wasn't the first time, so it hardly mattered. "You can tell me anything. Don't worry about it."

He let her deliberate for a while. He didn't break eye contact, but it felt like she could snap at any moment. She was frozen.

He scooped up his burger and hers, and put down enough money to cover them both. She protested, but it barely reached his ears. He pulled her out of the restaurant. "Let's walk." Aomori had slowed down from the morning rush, but there was still a little traffic. The best place to have this kind of conversation would be somewhere private, like an empty street, so he set off in a direction that aimed towards the residential areas, and slowly let her take the lead. She was still silent, but he waited, walking stride for stride at the brisk pace she set. When she turned into a lane, he followed quietly. When she stopped to turn around and stare at him, he stopped too. She opened her mouth. Despite his efforts, a little smile crept onto his face.

She closed her mouth, shook her head, and continued, into the maze of suburbs. The path seemed to stretch on forever, so he squared his shoulders. He had seen eternity before and this was not it.

At last, they came to rest at a bench. The sun was high up in the sky, making sweat trickle down his back and into uncomfortable places. He tried to get his chest to stop heaving - it felt like they had been running. He stared down into his lap, wondering what to do next. They were now probably pretty far from public transport - or hotels. They would have to walk back, and check each and every place. Hopefully they would be able to get a room - or, rather, two rooms. Tourist season was technically over, so there shouldn't have been a problem.

She been so insistent on coming today. But why?

The store they were sitting in front of was quiet, since it was approaching the middle of the day on a weekday. They would probably be grateful if he popped in. He made up his mind to buy a Dk. Pepper from there before they left.

Why had Kurisu offered to take him along? Was she really so scared of visiting her father's house that she would rather ask him, a complete stranger, to come along? And if he was not...a complete stranger, more or less...then what did she think of him?

Somewhere far off, a steam cooker clattered to the floor - he could recognise the sound - someone got yelled at. A woman exited the steps of the building to their right, a typical normie housewife, fussing over her kid's sunhat. Then they went off, hand in hand.

Why hadn't she been willing to listen to her mother when she had apparently clearly said no? And this Senpai person, who Kurisu obviously respected, had also said no, and despite that, Kurisu was here. Again, with him.

A breeze flew through their hair, ruffling the branches of the tree above them, casting shade on them for a few moments before returning to its still position.

If she trusted him enough for them to be in this position in the first place, surely she would be able to confide in him, about her fears that were making her regret coming here. He hoped it did, because seeing her like this was kind of aggravating, like the whole world had been put on pause.

"My house isn't far from here." She murmured. "Up the road and to the left."

He cleared his throat. "It's a little presumptuous calling it your house when you don't own it yet, but I won't object if you want to sneak in."

"Why do you always think of the most ridiculous things? Why do you want to sneak in? What are you planning? Huh?"

"I never said anything at all like that, Christina, I asked you, if you wanted to go visit your old home."

"There's no -tina." Her voice was terribly high pitched, as though she was trying to stop herself from crying. He peeked at her face to confirm it, and groaned internally.

Maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe it was, maybe she had misinterpreted something he had said, but if she didn't tell him what it was all about, he would have to keep groping in the dark. And if he ended up pushing her buttons, how could he predict what her reaction would be? He was about to say this, but then it occurred to him that perhaps pushing her was the exact sort of stupidity that had lead to this situation, so he quieted himself. And waited.

"I'm sorry about all this, so maybe it's better that you leave. You can go back to Tokyo, I'm sure you have better things to do there. I'll give you money for the bus ticket."

This was starting to get a little too much. So she didn't remember him. So there was no grand reason why she had let him tag along. He could understand that she found it extremely difficult to rely on him or accept his help, but to act like there was no problem at all, to deny her pent-up anger and frustration completely by pushing away the one person who had tried to help her... He needed to cut it off now, before it ended with her actually crying like on the roof yesterday. "There is no need for that, Christina. You put me in this mess, so you better do something about it."

"That's what I am doing." She pulled out her wallet with trembling fingers, and failed to open the clasp several times before she managed to finally pull out a couple of thousand yen notes. "This sh-should cover it."

He turned away. "That's not what I'm talking about. You asked me to come here, because you needed help. Isn't that correct?"

"No, I - just didn't know anyone else to ask! It was out of desperation."

That was answer enough. "Then all you have to do is let me help you on your mission. Don't throw your allies away because it's getting difficult and you want to hide your feelings about it."

She looked up at him. He couldn't stop himself from smiling again. "You're such a tsundere."

"I am not!" She reacted immediately.

"And an atchanneler."

"Gah."

"Nullpo."

"Ga-ahahhhh, Okabe!" She shook her head. Maybe she was really annoyed with him, but that was better than being sad. He resisted the urge to reach out to her, to hold her, to reassure a thousand times that he meant what he had said about being her ally. Going to get a Dk. Pepper from the store behind them was a better idea.

He told her what he was about to do and got up, but she exclaimed to wait. Magically, a certain iconic red soda appeared from the depths of her backpack. If they had announced that the world would be ending in ten minutes, he wouldn't have batted an eyelid. He would have leaned back on the bench and waited for Suzuha, drinking each precious droplet of his beloved beverage with utmost poise.

"Stop babbling and take it," she said, but there was a little smile on her face.

Then it crashed down on him. Kurisu had offered him Dk. Pepper like a nymph offering water from the Fountain of Youth. She had taken it out from her pack. Therefore, it was Kurisu's Dk. Pepper. Kurisu didn't even particularly like Dk. Pepper. She had begun drinking it for the lack of cola in their hot lab.

She remembers. She remembers.

Even though he hadn't packed Dk. Pepper, she had.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Her cheeks grew pink. "Is there something wrong with what I said?"

"I can't take this."

"Why not?" Her brows crossed. "I gave it to with you such pure intentions of helping you out with your addiction," did she just call it an addiction? "And it's hot out here and we've been walking all morning, and you didn't even drink water at WcDonald's - not that I really noticed! I just don't want you to pass out and have to call an ambulance or something. That's all."

"How could I deprive you of your bottle of the intellectual drink of the chosen?"

"I don't even really like it. So just take it. And stop it with your chunnibyou nonsense." She pushed the bottle into his face. His excitement grew by leaps and bounds. It really hadn't been for her. Just to confirm-

"Then why did you bring it along with you, if you don't really like it?"

"Stop interrogating me. How should I know why I brought it? I mean, I thought either one of us would get thirsty at some point..."

_You remember._

_I could marry you right now._

"I will remember this for the rest of my life." He told her, very seriously, as he took the bottle. "So don't regret it in the future."

She burst out laughing. "Yes, yes. Chunnibyou, chunnibyou."

They finished their burgers, and began walking back towards the station. The silence between them was beginning to feel restful. Despite the fact that she hadn't actually told him what was bothering her, while she wasn't cheerful or carefree, she wasn't trying to push him away or putting up a facade. And maybe that was enough to prevent her from sending him back to Tokyo.

"Okabe."

"Mmm."

"What you were asking me about earlier..."

"Yes?"

"It's not an easy thing to talk about, because it's such a mess. Whenever I talk or even think about it, it makes me feel chaotic, and conflicted. Like I'm being pulled in different directions all at the same time. Maybe, as a someone interested in physics, you could think about it as a positive charge surrounded be negative charges. O-Or a planet spiraling towards the event horizon of a black hole."

He shuddered at that particular comparison. "I understand that. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. But I will always be willing to hear whatever you have to say."

No doubt she was wondering why he was so insistent on her telling him things, but... This had been the way it had all begun, after all. It was only right to rebuild from the start (though he was still hoping that once enough of the structure had been put up, the rest would fall into place, but after all, he couldn't say for sure, with the way she was acting.) And, hopefully, it would help her concentrate on her mission. Or they'd be stuck in Aomori forever.

Not that he would mind too much -

"Hey, it's me, I'm giving you a report, I'm under heavy fire, but I've got it all under control. Yes. The Assistant and I are concentrating on the mission. Only the mission!"

"I am not your assistant!"

"What? You want me to call for backup? Yes, I agree, it's the only option, but what use could they be right now?"

He lowered his phone slightly and thought about it. Could Faris, or rather Akiha Rumiho, do him a favour and arm twist city officials? No, she didn't even know that he knew her "secret identity", so that was out of the question. Besides, even if she would be willing to admit anything beyond "Faris is Faris, nya," he wasn't sure what influence she had , if any at all, outside Akihabara. Daru, on the other hand...

"Assistant."

"Don't call me that."

He smirked. "What exactly did they say? About why they couldn't let you sign the papers?" In order for Daru to help, the plan would have to be precise.

"He said that a woman from the Foreign Affairs Ministry was supposed to call him and transfer the paperwork via email, but she never did."

"Did you happen to catch her name?"

"I did, I even tried calling her. She picked up, but refused to hear me out. Apparently, she's on leave."

Jackpot. "Do not worry, Christina. This whole mess is easily fixable."

"What? How?"

"Leave it to Hououin Kyouma!" He dialed Daru's number. "Eh, Daru. I need you to hack into the Ministry of Foreign Affairs."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Hello? Hello? Daru?"

He heard Kurisu say something about him being hopeless under her breath, but he ignored it.

"Eh, Daru? You there?"

"Okabe, do you even register that what you're asking for is a criminal offence?"

"Are you capable of it or not?"

"Of course I am."

"And they won't know?"

"I never leave a trace, you know that, man."

"I knew I could count on you, Supah Hacka!"

There was some grumbling on the other end of the line, but it subsided eventually. "Do you want general access to the whole network, or a specific person's computer?"

"What was her name?" He asked Kurisu.

"Wait. Okabe. You can't be seriously doing this." She stopped dead in her tracks. "Why do I even believe you when you say you could do it?" His heart leapt at that little admission.

"What's her name? Tell me quickly!"

"It was Yamada Aoi."

He quickly repeated the name into the mic.

"Okabe, don't try to hack into the Government. It's dangerous." Her tone was strained. But he had asked Daru to do far more dangerous things, and he had never failed the lab. It didn't matter now, because he knew for sure that Daru really was a Super Hacker. Even if Daru himself didn't really remember why.

"Okay, I'm in."

"What? I know you're good, Daru, but you must have only reached the government website by now. Don't joke with me."

His Favourite Right Arm snorted and guffawed. "It's the government, Okarin. You know how it is, they use super cheap old computers with barely any protection. Even Mayuri could figure out how to hack in if she tried."

That was hopefully an exaggeration. Well, no matter. "There should be a file there regarding the transfer of property from a Makise Shouichi to a Makise Kurisu."

"How do you know my father's real name?" Kurisu interrupted. She had stopped walking, to face him, in the middle of the empty street. Disbelief, confusion, and fear all flitted across her face. "I read it in the newspaper," he muttered, before turning back to Daru. "Daru! Did you find it?"

"Still running a search, their computers are really slow... Okay, I got it. There are two hits. One is a pdf, and the other is on the network. Let me see... It's a draft email with the same pdf attached. The receiver's address is kkkatsuo at aomori dot gov dot ja."

"This is the will of Steins Gate, it seems. Our work has already been done for us. Alright, Supah Hacka! Send the email."

"It's hacker, not hacka, how many times do I have to tell you?"

"Just tell me if you sent it."

"Done before you started speaking."

"Terrific, Daru. I'll buy you an iced coffee at May Queen when I get back."

"Buy me two."

"No way." He put his phone away. "Between you, Mayuri, and Daru, you're going to eat so much food I'm going to miss this month's rent."

Kurisu did not reply. She tugged at her tie as she asked, "Did you really hack into the government? You didn't, did you?"

"Well, let's go see." He walked confidently towards Aomori Ward Office No. 6. "Wait here, Okabe." She said slowly. "I'm going in."

"And this better not be a joke."

He leaned against the side of the building. His eyes drooped again, even though the late summer sun was burning him. He was tempted to walk into the WcDonald's again, but there would be no point to having to buy another burger. Anyway, Kurisu would be done soon, and they would have a little time to kill before the bus to Tokyo left at 9:30 p.m. He opened up Goodle on his phone, and typed in "things to do in Aomori".

Nebuta Museum. Hmph, neither of them had much of an interest in art. Hiking in the Oirase Gorge. Way too physical for his liking. Speedboat tours on Lake Towada, half price since it was off-season. Not bad, maybe they could do that if they absolutely ran out of other things to do.

"Visit Aomori Bay Bridge, a spot that is practically reserved for couples." Heat rose to his face. Absolutely not. Anything else would do.

"Are you kidding?" Kurisu's voice floated out from the building. "I came all the way here from Tokyo. Do you just want to waste my time?"

That didn't sound good. He stowed his phone away and listened. The voices inside were no longer shouting, but they were still loud enough to hear, though he couldn't make out the words. What could have possibly gone wrong now? Was there something they had missed in the email? Had they found out that Daru had hacked in? Were they now questioning Kurisu about it? Were the men in black coming to haul them away? He shook his head. If Kurisu was in trouble, he would have to help. No matter how many men in black there might be.

Before he could step in, though, she emerged, wearing an upset and strangely guilty look on her face.

"What happened?"

"They received the email, so I have to admit that Daru can hack into the government. But that nincompoop refused to accept my ID because apparently I insulted him in the morning. Who does he even think he is? I'll attach electrodes to his skull and fry his brains!"

"So now what?"

"I'll have to go there again tomorrow."

"So..."

"We're going to have to stay here."

_Is it the will of Steins Gate...?_

"That is, if you don't have anything to do in Tokyo tomorrow. I could give you the money for tonight's bus ticket, so you can go home tonight like we planned originally."

"I'm staying, as I told you before."

"I knew you were jobless." She seemed resigned, but at least she didn't look troubled at the thought of them staying.

"Again, if you're getting any ideas, let me inform you that we will be staying in two different rooms-" He tuned out the rest of her tsundere nonsense.

"Let's go to lunch." He cut in. "But you're paying."

"I'm paying for everything, you idiot. I know." Well, it might be a start. To her beginning to place her trust in him all over again. Or so he could only hope.


	4. The Strategy Fails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chappie!
> 
> Enjoy.

**I'm sure we have a Fatty Gero Froggy somewhere, I'll have to dig around the lab. Goodnight** , he typed out, and sent it. He had forgotten to reply to Mayuri, with how much he and Kurisu had been talking and all. They had talked so much his throat was raw. And to think that this was just the beginning.

He was now sure that she remembered. The Dk. Pepper. The " "Mad scientists must eat unhealthy things," don't you say that all the time?" The "You speak as though you've time travelled yourself." Even if he disregarded all of these as mere coincidence, there could be no mistaking her expressions and subtle enthusiasm as he told her about the lab and all its members. It had been so hard to avoid mentioning time travel, but it was worth it, if only to see her reactions. In the end, she had left his hotel room at twelve for hers, claiming that she needed sleep.

His phone rang, and he wondered who could possibly be calling at two in the morning. The caller ID was Mayuri's. His heart responded immediately, a new wave of sweat breaking out over his palms.

 _She's not dead_ , he repeated to himself, as he picked it up. _Everything's going to be okay. This is Steins Gate. And if not, Suzuha will appear and we can sort it out. But she won't. Because this has to be Steins Gate._

"Okarin, Mayushii's very disappointed in you."

Well, that was better than her being dead. "Why are you awake right now, Mayuri? Doing some last-minute summer homework?"

"I was sleeping. When you sent me the email, I woke up."

"O-Oh." He cursed under his breath. "I'm sorry, Mayuri, I should have sent it to you in the morning."

"Okarin, I'm really scared."

"What? Why? Did something happen?" He nearly got up.

"You're not sleeping at all."

He had nothing to say to that. How could he say that every time he slept, he dreamed of her?

"I think you need to go see a doctor, Okarin. Otherwise, you're going to get really sick. What if you got a fever like you did when you were little? That would be really bad."

"Mayuri..." She was so pure, so sincere in her worry, that it was like he had been shot in the shoulder. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. It's time for us to be sleeping, right? So go back to sleep. You have to go to May Queen in the morning,." There was no reason for her to stay up worrying about him, while _he_ stayed up worrying about her non-existent death. He stretched out in the easy chair in front of the coffee table in their hotel. Maybe sleeping here would be a little better than sleeping on the bed. It was so hard, he would never actually sleep until four or five. That would be a good thing.

"Okarin..." Why was she hesitating? Was there anything more he could to say to convince her? "If your parents catch you talking to me at this hour, they'll be upset, won't they? So go back to sleep, hostage. I order you to."

"That's right, they won't be happy with Mayushii if they find out." She whispered, apparently considering this seriously. "Okay, but go to sleep soon too. Please."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Okarin. Go to sleep soon."

He sighed and curled up, wishing that he could just tell someone everything, wishing that he hadn't hurt everyone he trusted. If only keeping this all secret hadn't been the sensible, the correct choice. If only things were easy like that.

When he had seen Kurisu on the street that day, it was as though...he had found a solution at last. But then why was it so difficult? Why did Steins Gate have to feel like this?

Of course, Mayuri and Kurisu were alive, and that was all he could ever ask for, but his own feelings were hurting both of them now.

If, even after all this talking, and hinting, and, if he was being honest, him torturing himself, Kurisu didn't even recall enough to ask him about the things that didn't add up, then what was he going to do?

Or what if she just ran away from him again? Because even after all the talking they had done, she still hadn't told him what was bothering her.

In the end, despite all of their conversations today, she had only given him reactions that were so minor that he was probably just making them up to comfort himself. He would have to tell her the truth about time travel if he wanted her to remember.

But he could not force her to remember anything; even if he gave her the fork-spoon password, where was the guarantee she would want to hear him out? What would stop her from running away?

It would be even worse if, rather than returning to Tokyo without her, he returned with a girl in tears.

He had pushed her far too much. He had forcefully given her his email ID, tricked her into eating lunch with him, begged her to visit the lab, and insisted - almost manipulated - her into taking him to Aomori on a trip she was paying for.

He had made her cry twice already.

If she was crying tonight because she was having a nightmare about Mayuri due to him triggering her memories, that would make it thrice.

This had to end somewhere. Before he ended up doing something truly terrible, like dragging her to Radio Kaikan. No more hinting. No more stupidity.

He could cry by himself, for all he cared, or rather, he wouldn't, because he wasn't going to sleep, and that would be that.

* * *

Daru hacking into the government seemed only natural after Okabe had admitted that they had hacked SERN before. SERN was dangerous. Maybe it was because Okabe's face seemed to distort when Kurisu thought about him talking about SERN, and she noticed the sweat glinting on his forehead like the light reflecting off of the top of a gun. The gun was held by a traitorous snake, who wore glasses. Kurisu's physics teacher pushed those glasses up her nose, and admitted, "We haven't been able to create a naked singularity." Daru sniggered and asked her if she could explain that with cute girls.

Well, it was easy. Mayuri and Luka were being fed electrons, and everytime they sent a text message with the electricity generated, Mayuri died.

She awoke immediately. The snake. The girl in white and red. And Mayuri. Mayuri had died.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the first time she had dreamed about Mayuri dying this morning. She had barely been able to get any sleep. Groaning, she tried to burrow into the covers again. She had never thought she would be the type to feel so jealous of a person that they dreamed about them dying - and woke up with tears on the pillow, no less.

There was someone pounding on her door. She yelled at them to go away. Apparently, they did not hear, and kept banging away. She rolled over.

It was a hotel room, but an unfamiliar one. It had been easy to get a reservation, since tourist season was over. And cheap, too. She wished that it was a little more comfortable. Her mother had insisted on booking it herself.

"Kurisu!"

Okabe, acting like a lunatic as usual. Still, at least this time, he had called her by her name. "Give me a moment, I just woke up."

"Quickly!" He yelled, stopping the pounding.

"Don't you have any manners? You don't have to try to break the door just because I'm sleeping."

"Check the time," came the annoyed reply. She picked up her phone. It was 1:11 p.m.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!"

"Because I also woke up half an hour ago, obviously." Exasperated, she pulled on her clothes and freshened up, and finally opened the door. That smirk of his was a strange way to start the morning.

He was still wearing the labcoat.

This was the absolute limit.

"Did you actually not shower even though we are in a hotel? What are you waiting for? Do you want to smell so bad your own thalamus shorts out from oversimulation?"

He held out a hand, and she recoiled at the sight, her toes twitching. "Sniff."

"No way." But there was actually nothing there except perhaps a hint of sweet chemicals and slightly burnt cotton. He smelled like warm laundry. "How...?"

"I was unable to wash my pants or underwear, for obvious reasons-"

"TMI."

"Atchanneler."

"Die, Okabe."

He chuckled nervously. "However, I did manage to do some laundry here after you left my room." So he hadn't slept well either. Maybe it really was the bed's fault. "Namely, my shirt, and my labcoat, which is, by the way, Daru's, since my spare was in the wash when we left-"

"That's even worse."

"Don't worry, he's never worn it."

"I wore it. You stole something of mine, Okabe?"

Why did she say that? She had never worn any labcoat of Daru's. Nor would she ever do such a thing willingly. "I mean -" What did she even mean to say?

"I said something strange, didn't I?"

"No, not at all-"

"So please forgive me, I must still be sleepy." She locked her room and rushed down the hallway. "Where are you going?" His voice echoed from behind her. "To the ward office, of course." Where else was there to go?

"Can't we eat before that? I don't know about you, but I'm certainly very hungry."

Fear rippled through her. She had been sure, last night, that when she stood in the shower, she could feel her ribs. It was probably like what touching a dead body felt like. Okabe had touched one. He had cradled Mayuri's head as blood poured out of it, her eyes permanently open.

_Enough of that._

"You know, we haven't had breakfast or lunch, and I would rather that my stomach didn't crawl up and strangle my oesophagus."

"Wha-what?"

"I may be a mad scientist, but even I need fuel every once in a while."

Oh. So he was actually hungry.

"Aren't you hungry too? Or did you have something to eat?" He was smiling like he had no cares in the world. "Let's have cup noodles. It'll be cheaper than eating at the hotel."

She let herself be led out, and said yes robotically when the clerk asked them if they wanted to check out. The card was pulled put of her backpack, and the fees were paid. They walked to a convenience store a few minutes away. A cup of udon and a cup of pudding was pressed into her hands, along with plastic implements. The udon was finished, bite by bite, in time with Okabe's, or maybe a bit slower. He finished off his pudding far too fast for her to follow, and reached for hers. She snatched it away immediately.

"It's mine, so don't even think about it." She growled. "And don't you even dare pull the old line about my name not being written on it like a five year old." How dare you assume that my name is the name of a company, she wanted to add, but that wouldn't have made sense. He looked at her mournfully, as if he agreed with her.

Her phone rang. She picked it up automatically. "Hello?"

"Hello, Kurisu. Are you done with the ward office? Did they give you the documents?"

"No, Mama... I actually woke up late."

"Did you stay up too late?"

"No, I just couldn't sleep. The bed was weird." She added, just in case her mother was thinking about her and Okabe staying up in the night... Which they apparently had, but separately, thank you very much.

"Oh, that's too bad. Good thing you're leaving tonight, right?"

"Yes." She couldn't wait to leave. "By the 9:30 bus, same as last time."

"Okay, but could you visit the house? I want you take a few pictures in case we want to get insurance."

She snorted with surprise. "I thought you didn't want me to come to Aomori because it might worsen my mental state. So why this now?"

"Kurisu, you agreed to go, didn't you? And if you do that, you have to accept all the responsibilities that come with it. That's the way it works. If we had taken possession in October like I was saying, the government would have been liable until I could take care of everything. But now that it's been done, it's been done."

She got off her chair and paced around in front of the store, rubbing her spoon against her arm. "Mama, I really don't want to go to the house."

"I already talked to the gardener when he called up to let me know that he had thrown all the food out when it started to smell, so you won't have to worry about that. Oh, and you'll also have to find a locksmith to replace the main door lock, since I'm sure your father didn't conveniently send his keys to the government when they announced they were taking the house."

"There's a gardener? I'll just get a copy from him. If he threw out the food, he'll have a key."

"I already called him up to ask about that. He's out of town. Last chance to go somewhere with the kids before school starts, apparently." Too many people were going out of town lately. What was their problem?

"Well, it's fine. I can call up the locksmith and ask him to make the key. No need to go there."

"No, you can't, because it's going to be an empty house until we can rent it out, and we need to be careful."

"So then the renters can take care of all these things." Her mother repeated that they could not leave it to a bunch of people who they probably wouldn't even see in person to do all these jobs properly.

"I don't want to go, please, Mama, I can't."

"I told you that I would sort it out myself, didn't I? Who asked you to go to Aomori? Who insisted that she go all the way, 700 kilometres, on an overnight bus?"

Something slammed down on the table next to her, making her jump. Okabe was offering her a bottle of Dk. Pepper. Confused, she hovered over it, but didn't grasp it. "I'll help you," he explained. "So don't worry about it."

"It's not something that I need your help to do, so don't randomly say that." She moved away to sit down at another table. "Kurisu, are you going to do it? If not, there's only one other option."

"What?"

"Go back to Tokyo without claiming it, and let me finish it off in October."

She buried her head in her hands. If she went back to Tokyo now... Nothing would change. It would all go back to normal. Why had she wanted to come to Aomori, anyway? It was because of the desperate rationalization that visiting her childhood home would bring her some closure. And if she didn't see this through, she would lose any tiny chance of that being true. "I'll do it myself. No need for that."

"Are you sure, Kurisu?"

"I am."

"Okay, then. When you go to the house, don't stay there for too long. And be careful."

"Yes."

"Bye, Kurisu."

She shut off the call and got up slowly, stretching her joints. It was time to go to the ward office. "Let's go."

He nodded. They threw away the trash, and plodded over to the plain rectangular building, Ward Office No. 6, that she had come to hate. Her steps were heavy from the irregular sleep and strange brunch, and her hair kept irritating her as she brushed it to this side and that. She told Okabe to wait outside, after which he took the stance of a local hitman, leaning 'casually' against the building. She took a deep breath and walked inside.

The usual line of seniors waited patiently, so she stood behind them for the third time. The room was dimly lit and depressing even though it was afternoon, making her spirits sink even lower. She clutched tightly at her tie.

She expected another fight - this time she was ready to cajole instead of threatening him. The man behind the counter narrowed his eyes and lips into thin lines. "You again, huh?"

She produced her ID and passport. He checked it over and looked at her to confirm that she really was the same person as in the picture. "This looks a little different from you."

"It's because it was taken when I was fifteen. I'm eighteen now." She wondered what Okabe would say if he saw it, and resolved to never show it to him. Well, he would laugh at her, but he had always kept her secrets. Even when he had caught her browsing channel on the lab PC, he had promised not to tell anybody. He had said that it didn't matter because it was nothing to be ashamed of. He would probably say the same thing about this.

"Hey." The man passed her the documents. "Check all the spellings of the names, it's an important document." She nodded and skimmed it over. _That didn't happen. Why am I thinking about things that didn't happen? Am I daydreaming?_ "It's all correct."

He took the file and flipped through, stamping each one. She held her hand out. "I hope you've learned how to behave in public places."

Her face heated up. "It won't happen again. I'm sorry." She didn't mean it at all, but there was no need to admit that. She bowed awkwardly, and stumbled outside.

"Are you alright?" Okabe, waiting for her, asked.

"Completely fine. I have to go see the house and arrange for a locksmith. Are you coming?"

The locksmith was hard to find, but they managed to locate one after an hour of asking people on the street. She had to show the papers stating that she owned the house, and sign in a ledger with the address and the number of keys. The man took a car to the house, while they walked for almost an hour, since it was close to the sea. It was hot at first, but over time it grew cloudy and windy.

She expected that Okabe would complain, but he was strangely silent. Her few attempts at conversation eventually died down. _I wonder if he's worried about something. I wonder if he's worried about me._ That couldn't be it, that was just her brain trying to rationalize her hormones - still, she wished he would say whatever what was on his mind. He had been alright in the morning, till she had said that she didn't need his help. He had no business reacting to that or taking it so personally. And here she had been thinking that he didn't have much of an ego.

She wished that she could call Maho up, and tell her about everything that was going wrong on this stupid trip, but that was another terribly desperate idea, so she discarded it.

At last, they arrived at the house. It was western style - her father had been fond of Americans until they had rejected his time travel thesis - with an upper story. She could see her bedroom window from the driveway. The curtains were drawn tightly shut. In front of the door, the locksmith was hard at work, sitting on a rickety little stool. He waved and she nodded back.

"You have a garden."

"Don't pass comments." She muttered, hugging her arms tightly. Okabe shook his head and crossed over to the garden path. "Oh, you can go down to the beach from here."

She nodded. "You can't really call it a beach though, it's about a foot of sand even during low tide." They stood at the top of the cliff her house was built upon, gazing down at the waters. Her father had tried to catch time in the palm of his hand, but he had failed, over and over again. Sometimes, when he was in a mood, he would go down this path, stumbling and cursing at the dark rocks, and would stand to watch the waves crash and break.

It was at times like that, that she had truly admired him: his ability to stare the world in the face, and keep working to justify his position, keep retorting with another hypothesis, another experiment, another research paper, despite the lack of anyone willing to peer review. She had wondered what it meant to stare at the waves like they held all the secrets of the universe. She had wanted to stand with him there someday.

"You want to go down? It looks dangerous." She shook her head, winding her arms and wringing her body. The waves were best seen from far above.

"Did you plant these?" Okabe was crouching next to a couple of bushes. "No, they were always there, ever since I can remember." Her mother had taken care of them, back when they lived here. The rest of the garden died under her touch - she didn't really have the time or the energy to look after them. But somehow, these were alive even today, though yellow and sickly. Maybe it was courtesy of the new gardener.

"They even have some flowers, look."

She nodded, still staring out far, far away, towards the sea, fighting to smile. _This is mine now. I have to take care of the things my father left behind, even if it hurts. Because this is the only way I can speak to him any more. Daga kotowaru. I refuse to break down._ With shaking hands, she pulled out her phone and opened up the camera. _You want pictures, Mama, I'll give you pictures._

"Hey, I got in." The locksmith called. "You can go inside now, if you want. I'll install the new lock now."

"I'm coming." She didn't turn, even though she knew she should. It was one thing to say that she was going to be brave, and another entirely, to do it. She couldn't even begin to think about, what to think about, the shut curtains, or imagine what state the house might be in. The furniture - would it have changed? And if it had, would that be better or worse?

Her breaths made her hands tremble and the arcs of her feet pulse with energy.

"Kurisu?" She couldn't bear to look at Okabe as he approached. "Are you upset?"

She didn't reply. It would have been nice to scream at him, to tell him that just because he asked her to trust him, didn't mean she could or would. It didn't mean that she could bear him being here, when all she wanted was to be alone. How dare he even ask for such a thing when even her own mother -

"Go inside the house."

"I'll wait." His very voice was a noradrenaline trigger, as though it were anger itself. When was he going to understand that she had only asked him to come here out of desperation? When was he going to understand that she didn't want him to taunt her one second, and ask for her faith the next?

So what if she would have self-destructed if Okabe hadn't been here? Wasn't self-destruction the purpose of this trip, anyway? What insane part of her mind had agreed to bring him along?

" _Go._ " Her emotions boiled, threatening to bubble over. She couldn't afford to lose her cool with the locksmith, a stranger, watching. She couldn't afford to cry in front of Okabe again. She would have to be strong, again. _Even if I didn't understand a single word I was reading, I never let myself cry out of frustration. I never burst into tears if I couldn't even begin to understand how to solve a proof. I never let myself feel angry when I was awake at three in the morning reading papers on biochemistry. I kept pushing ahead, no matter what._

_I never stopped._

_I can't stop._

_If I stop, you'll just hate me all the more, won't you?_

She turned towards the house slowly, imagining that neither the locksmith, sitting far away on the porch, nor Okabe, standing next to her, could see her face. She was not so weak as to show them her face.

"It's alright to feel scared."

She could not show him her face.

"It's only natural, Kurisu. You have a right to feel that way."

She started towards the house, if only to escape his words, that pierced too deep.

"Do you want to go in alone? Should I stay here?"

She continued walking, not wanting to test if her voice was too hoarse and watery to speak. She reached the steps of the porch, and turned.

It was as though he was playing a game with her feelings. She thought he would follow her, because he never listened to a word she said, but he was waiting, respectfully, hands behind his back, between the nearly dry bushes in the garden. He smiled lightly at her, again. It wasn't the dopey Hououin Kyouma smile. He raised his hand at her, as though giving encouragement.

Her gut twisted painfully. He didn't deserve to be treated like this. He had saved her life. He had accompanied her here. Maybe he hadn't been the best companion, but she had asked him to come. She had asked him along so that with him watching, she wouldn't be able to break down. She needed him now more than ever, and she couldn't treat him like this. But she couldn't find the courage to call out, or to raise her own hand.

He cocked his head to the side, confused, as she held his gaze. That made her even more upset. He was so sincere at all the wrong moments.

Slowly, he took a half-step towards her. She couldn't even permit herself to nod, so she put all her strength into looking at him.

He ambled to a stop, eyes wandering. He bit his lip. She clenched her fists, wondering what he had been so upset about since they had woken up. That smile as she had come out into the hallway - fake. The cheeriness with which he had teased her about being an atchanneler - fake. Still, he had put on a real one right now, just for her. She was sure of it.

He began stepping forward again, gravel crunching under his footsteps, until her shoulders were level with his. He almost passed her. "Coming?"

She swallowed. "Yes."

They climbed the steps up together. The locksmith, seemingly oblivious, nodded them in. She shut her eyes tightly as she stepped into the entranceway and took off her shoes. If only this had been a normal home, with a normal family, where the kids shouted, "I'm home!" at the end of the day. Maybe then the mother would emerge to scold them for coming back late, and urge them to take off their socks and get ready for supper. She wouldn't know, because this house had been silent for far too long. She couldn't even hear the echoes in her memories.

"Don't be afraid." Okabe repeated. "Everything will be fine."

She almost wished that he would transform into Hououin Kyouma and make some ridiculous joke again. She searched for something to help him along, a word, a phrase, to trigger one of his ridiculous rants. "Aren't you going to give this a mission name?"

That didn't make any sense. A sweat inducing pit grew at the bottom of her stomach.

"Wha-I-" Sweat glinted off his forehead.

She had said something wrong again, something terrible, so why did his eyes look so alive, like they hadn't been all day, why did she feel excitement rise, bloom in response - "I declare this Operation Láa Ogus Oidhche! Commence, faithful assistant!"


	5. The Storm Of Potential Difference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a day late! This is what happens when you get complacent. *sigh* But I think you'll have a better chapter for it, so all's well that ends well, eh?
> 
> Enjoy.

Láa Ogus Oidhche. The spell of trickery cast by Aengus, as he set out to stake his rightful claim upon the wealth and land of his father, the Dagda. Even though he was pretty sure he had mispronounced the words, it suited the air well.

The house was grand, with two stories and a large living room, and accents of faux gold here and there, but the furniture was drab and tired. It was easy to compare the look of the house and its furniture with Dr. Nakabachi's ragged appearance on TV and in the conference - it was plain that all the wealth and fame Nakabachi had ever had, was squandered away. Okabe hung around like a bat, fingering drawers and taking books out of shelves, unable to mask his nervousness, as Kurisu didn't say even a word more about the mission name, or if she remembered anything at all, fully focused on taking pictures. She lingered in the kitchen and the dining room; in the living room, she brushed her thumbs against the TV cabinet and the old, worn out CRT TV inside. Perhaps Steins Gate had played a cruel joke on Kurisu's father.

"Everything's the same." She said under her breath. He wasn't sure if she was speaking to him or not. At last, she nearly bumped into him, lost in her own world, and he grew conscious about his useless drifting. He decided to give her a little space, and went to sit on the carpeted stairs.

To his surprise, she followed him, holding up her phone to capture the stairs. He chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"You remind me of-"

"The snake."

"Huh?"

"I remind you of...the snake." She knew Moeka, since he had told Kurisu about her yesterday, but not these sorts of details. She was remembering again, and this time, she even seemed conscious of the fact that these memories were not entirely her own, unlike other times where she had barely acknowledged the idea. "Who is M-who is the snake?"

"It's someone from my dreams. She holds a gun, like... This. Am I correct, or am I speaking nonsense?"

Finally. She was finally beginning to question her memories. For once and for all, she could fall back into herself, the person she had been and was, and was becoming.

But if he pushed her over the edge, if he forced her into it, like he had been doing for these past few days, she might run away. Or collapse. Her cheeks - no, even her arms, had turned red, inflamed, and sweat glistened through the frazzled strands of her hair and on her forehead.

It would be so easy, to tip her over - no, to push her.

But he couldn't do that.

But maybe she wanted him to.

"Earlier, when I said something wrong, you responded." His heart constricted painfully at the word wrong. The mission name had been out of his mouth before he could wrest it away, or maybe that was just an excuse, and he had really wanted to say something to those almost-hints.

Even now, he could get out of this. He could tell her that it was a joke, that he had responded with nonsense to her nonsense.

"So tell me what it all means, or tell me that I dreamt that, or perhaps that I am dreaming all this too, that I am actually stuck somewhere in a hospital bed, or perhaps in a mortuary." She smiled sardonically, the muscles of her cheeks twitching with effort. "I must consider all the possibilities, seeing as my brain can no longer tell the difference between reality and illusion."

He burst out with sarcastic laughter. "This is no illusion, is the real world. You might hypothesize that this is a memory, but since you are not an Observer, you won't be able to prove it." That was an important hint, Observer. He avoided saying Reading Steiner, for the fear that she might dismiss it as his delusions again.

"Then am I mad? I must be, mad, to be asking you, of all people, but have I gone mad? Are you making up delusions to go along with the odd things that I'm saying?" Her tie had come loose, her jacket was askew, her knees were clattering and her sock covered feet were biting into each other, driving her into the floor. She plainly needed an answer, but he could not cross the line and speak about time travel, not again. Her eyes narrowed, as though she knew what he was thinking about. "Well?"

The fear of saying the wrong thing leaked through to him, freezing him in place. His mouth and throat locked, hardly leaving him room to breathe, though his chest heaved in and out.

"All I ca-can s-say..." He forced himself to swallow. "Is that you are in Steins Gate. If that means something to you, you will understand. If you want to call it nonsense, then that is fine. I cannot force you to believe in anything. Think whatever you feel is right. But this is what I think to be the truth, that I can say, that is all."

She looked incensed. "What does any of that even mean? How can I feel something to be right? You and I are - or at least I am a scientist, Okabe. We operate on proof, and only proof." He wished desperately that it didn't sound so ridiculous, and searched for a better way to say it.

"Even proofs can be accepted as truth only if you are willing to believe that they exist. That we, as the Observers, exist in this world, and are performing an experiment."

"That is a questions for metaphysics, not science. As scientists, we make the assumption that - or rather, it is taken it as axiomatic proof that we exist. To do otherwise is to sink into pseudoscience."

An opening. He took it with trembling hands. "That's not true, Christina. It has been proved. Light may be observed as a particle or a wave based on whether or not there is an observer. If the observer exists, it is a particle, if not -"

"That is only true at the quantum level. At the macro level-"

Of course she would interrupt his climatic speech. He interrupted her in turn. "It is true at our level as well. If an event has occurred, until it can be proved to have occurred, the past is mutable as long as present events are left unaltered. _I_ have proved this."

"Again, with the time travel!" She cried out, exasperated. He fought not to grimace. "Decide, Christina. Are you a particle or a wave?"

"Stop it with the chunnibyou. What, exactly, are you talking about? Do you know what's happening to me, or not?"

This wasn't working. He took a moment to look away, and think. Kurisu would not believe him if he said that he had traveled through time. A classic case of the boy who cried wolf. If only he could call up any of the lab mems, make them remember, and use that as proof, but that would be the most cruel thing he could possibly do to any of them. In short, Kurisu would never believe that time travel occurred. Not unless she proved it herself.

The only way for her to prove that he had time traveled...would be if she questioned the things that had changed between Radi-kan and now. Each discrepancy would have to be carefully examined, and then pinned together, in such a way that it would clearly show that time travel was the only solution that made any sense.

"Who are you, and what have you been doing this past month in Tokyo? Why are you here with me?"

"I've been in Tokyo for all of August," she said softly. She wiped her forehead and sat down in front of him on the dusty floor. "You know why. I told you as much when we met. Did I not tell you that? And you were in the hospital for all of that time, so I couldn't find you."

"And why was that? Why was I in the hospital?"

She averted her eyes. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Humor me."

"If you weren't so theatrical, I might actually take you seriously, Okabe."

"The theatrics are an essential part. I am a mad scientist, and this is the way I operate to keep my madness contained. Now answer my question."

"Why should I? Why can't you ever stop your mad scientist act and give me a straight answer?"

The conversation was starting to move in the same frustrating direction it had when they had first met in this worldline, in the cafe. "You won't believe me if I do."

"Because what you say doesn't make any sense, Okabe!"

"No. It's because you're afraid of the truth, Christina. You are refusing to look beyond what you see with your own two eyes! And even when you do see it, you ignore it. You run away."

She rose to her feet, as though trying to tower over him. "I do not run away from anything or anyone, so don't you dare say that to me. Do you even know-"

"You ran away from me in May Queen." He said finally. There. That. That despite everything - despite being here, with her, now, it still smarted, and at first, he had desperately wanted to avoid feeling that again, but now, he was angry at her for doing it in the first place. Sure, the things he had said were fantastical and hard to believe, and, he might as well admit it, they were the words of a madman, but he also had feelings. His hand drifted to the pocket in which the rejected badge was nestled.

"Because you were talking nonsense about time machines!" She dashed up the stairs, her feet echoing. On reflex, he scrambled up to follow her. There were only so many times they could go through this charade. "Kurisu. Kurisu! Listen to me!"

"Don't call me that!" She opened the door at the far end of the landing, only to slam it into his face when he caught up. "Then what should I call you? Christina? Assistant? You don't like that either!" She used to love it when he called her by her name. Everything was going terribly wrong. Just like in the cafe. "You only use my name when you're trying to get me to do something. Every. Single. time."

He dropped his head against the door. "That isn't true." _I use it when I'm trying to be serious. When I'm trying to tell you that I care for you._ Still, if he kept justifying himself, only the fight would progress further. They needed to get back on track: it was do or die now. The first pin was the most obvious contradiction in his story.

"Listen, you perverted genius girl."

"Wha-what?" The shock in her voice gave him a vindictive sort of pleasure. "I was in the hospital for a wound caused in the last half of August. Yet, the wound for which I was admitted should have been caused at the end of July. Why do you think that is?"

She was silent. He tried to dig his nails into the his side of the door, like a dog begging its master. "Why, Kurisu?"

"You could have gotten stabbed a second time, and gone to the hospital only the second time."

"A second time? In the same place?"

"Unlikely, but not impossible."

He groaned. It was impossible to deny outright - after all, who would accept that a fresh wound in the present might be caused by a weapon from the past? - moreover, it was impossible to prove that there was no weapon in the present that could have caused it, even if the police had investigated, upon the fears of his parents, and found nothing.

The second pin, then. This one had to stick. It was easy, if uncomfortably personal. "Sure, let's take that as a possibility for now. But why are you here with me? Can you answer that?"

"I'm here because I need to claim my father's property. Nothing more and nothing less."

"And why am I here?"

"I asked you to come, as you know. Admittedly, it was a bad decision, but I didn't see any alternative at the time."

"Doesn't it seem the slightest bit illogical to you, Kurisu? Wasn't there something else?"

Silence again. "It was important that you come to Aomori with me." Her voice was shaky, unsure. "Maybe because I saw it in a dream."

Yes. A dream. Finally, they were getting somewhere. "And why might that be?"

"That's easy to explain. You saved my life, and in my moments of emotional weakness, I thought of you as - well, it's none of your business, Okabe!" He let go of the door. Was that-? What was she trying to say? He shook his head. He couldn't afford to press the issue and start fighting over trivialities again. If she wouldn't respond, this wouldn't stick either. So then that left the third and last pin. The most direct and broad one, but also the vaguest.

But first, the door. He needed to see her face.

"Let me in, Kurisu."

"No."

"Going to stay in there forever?"

"Until I can compose myself and stop speaking nonsense."

"Doesn't it at least seem coincidental to you that we both speak the language of nonsense?"

"There are many lunatics in the world."

"It's rare that they're the exact same brand of crazy." He hoped that the silence on the other side of the door was a thoughtful one, and took a deep breath. If she still didn't want to remember, now - maybe he could apologise, and tell her that he had been joking.

No way. He could never say that. Even if that hurt both of them terribly.

The door swung open, and he let out his breath with relief. He watched as she strode over to the window in front to open the curtains, letting the last orange light of the cloudy sky floor, bed and desk were all covered in dust. Clearly, this room had been neglected for quite some time. The walls were red, dulled and cracked with age.

"Kurisu. I know it's hard to believe, but I'm trying to tell you the truth."

"Well, I'm having a lot of difficulty believing in you having good intentions, right now."

He watched her back heave as she looked out the window, and perched over on the edge of the bedframe with no mattress, clenching it tightly. "What's happening, Kurisu?"

She gave no answer, but he already knew what was happening, actually - this had happened to him too many times for him not to recognize it. She was remembering something terrible, and she couldn't handle it. Her harsh breaths ebbed eventually, but it was difficult to see her like this. His most important person. He had caused this.

This was wrong.

He had to stop.

But he couldn't call this a joke. Not again. Not now. Not with her.

"Okabe. I don't understand..."

"I'm trying to tell you that it's real. Whatever you're seeing now. It's real. Always has been. It's just that you don't remember it."

"Because you time traveled."

"Yes."

"I-I can't just believe. What you say. It's impossible."

"Then just listen to me. To what I'm saying. Like you always have. And answer me." The third pin. He took a deep breath. "Who are you? And has that person changed?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just - think carefully, and answer."

"I am Kurisu. I know that. Cognito ergo sum." She looked at him for confirmation. He waited for her to go on. She turned back to the curtain, folding and pleating it carefully, shaking out all the dust. At last, she gave up on neatening it, and opened the window. There was no wind to liven up the atmosphere, nor did any more light come through from the darkening sky. He imagined that all of Steins Gate was holding its breath with him.

"This was my room." She began. He was a little surprised, but it made sense. If she was trying to run from someone - that made him uncomfortable, but it was the truth - of course, she would run to her own room.

"When I was seven. The first time I proved my father wrong. He called me a little girl who didn't know anything about the world. So I looked all around my room and took everything, all my toys, all my glitter pens and character t-shirts, and locked them in that chest." She pointed to a space under the bed. "But I couldn't change the colour of the walls. It was a pink that I began to hate more and more, so one day I went to a store, and bought a can of red paint. I painted the walls, not even leaving a speck of pink. It was my declaration to my father, "I am worthy to challenge you."

"That was me. I did that."

He sighed deeply. No child should ever have to struggle to feel her father's love, and this Kurisu was the same. "But what you really wanted to say was, "Let me work with you. Please accept me." Wasn't it?"

"When you put it like that... Maybe I can sympathize with myself. A bit."

This was another opportunity to prod at her memory, but it would end up as another argument if he tried too hard to prove his point. He would always have to remember that there were no do-overs, now. She would have to come to the conclusion herself.

As he composed his words and points, he discarded each one, feeling like it was too harsh, or too nonsensical. She had the same, pitiful look on her face from when she had agreed to give up her life for Mayuri's. It wasn't really the angry, rebellious face of a child who had wanted get back at her father. It was a small - no, a person who thought she was small, who believed that she would have to throw herself away to gain acceptance, because she wasn't worth anything. At last, he couldn't hold his words back, no longer caring if they were still arguing or not.

"Isn't that why you came here?" He asked, making his voice as gentle as possible. "You wanted to tell your father that you loved him. Unfortunately, things didn't work out, but..."

"You're right." She buried her face in the curtains, which made her sneeze. She wiped her nose messily and turned to stare at him. "You're too right. It's like you're taking the words out of my mouth. I-Is that the answer? Is that what's changed?"

There were a million things to say, but he kept quiet, watching her work it out. "You said that the only way to work it out would be to tell Papa that. That I love him. And if that didn't work, then it would be difficult to mend. It's too late, isn't it? He tried to kill me and steal my thesis, and now he's in Russia doing who knows what, and all I have is this. It isn't fair. It isn't enough."

"You're right."He murmured, before he could stop himself and think logically about what she had just said. Then he shook his head. It was, after all, none of his business. The only thing he needed to be grateful about was that she was somehow alive. Still, what kind of father got so jealous of his 18 year old kid?

"Is there any hope?"

He sighed. "Not likely. It's none of my business, as you keep saying, but my advice is that you let it go, and consider this your final goodbye to your father. Maybe one day, you will be able to see each other again, but it's very unlikely that you will be able to resolve your differences."

"But I need to see him. Because it was my fault." Her voice was very small. "That I argued with him, that he had to tolerate being put down by me again and again, that I tried to help him when he didn't want my help..."

He flashed back to the crazy man with the weapon, and the suddenness of the bloody girl in his arms. It must have shown on his face, because Kurisu winced and drew near. "That may have been why he did what he did. But that doesn't make it right, Kurisu. What he did was his own fault. You are not responsible for it."

Even though they could barely see each other now, and the light hadn't been turned on, neither of them moved towards the switch. He listened to the tapping of the locksmith downstairs, the waves crashing against the cliff, the rumble of thunder. "Thank you for that, Okabe."

He looked up to see her approaching him with measured steps. "It's nothing but the truth."

"You confirmed it, though."

His face heated up. Did she really think so highly of him - and how had she suddenly become so bold as to thank him and complement him in the same conversation-? "It's what I feel; about you... I mean, I don't really know you enough to say anything that you could set in stone, but this is what I think." He forced himself to close his babbling mouth. Her expression had changed to something unreadable. "The truth changes depending on the observer. Isn't that what you said?"

"Yes, but..."

"You responded to me again, when I said something out of place with my current reality. That means that you have observed a different reality, doesn't it? You confirmed it again just now."

Oh. That. "Yes. It's true."

"Then is it that we both have odd dreams? Of a separate reality that is common to the two of us?"

"You could put it like that. But I wouldn't."

"Then how would you?"

How could he possibly describe it without using the words _time travel_? She wouldn't believe him, no matter what he said. He sighed heavily, and walked over to the closet. There was nothing inside, but on the inside of the door, he could feel some tape marks and the remains of posters. He imagined a younger Kurisu ripping them away and stuffing them under her bed, and closed his eyes.

"Okabe."

"Yes."

"It was dark, against the window."

"Yes?"

"You kissed me."

 _I think it was the other way around._ He fought the urge to babble again, to pull out his phone. Of all the things she could have remembered so suddenly, it was this. He rested his head against the wooden door, warm from his touch.

"Is it true?"

"Do you think it could have happened?" Why did she have to remember this? Why? What was the point, anyway, of feeling anything at all about something that had practically never happened?

"The fact that I came up with it myself might point in that direction. Still, I think it's premature to make any conclusions. I'll have to construct a proof. It's simple to do so... But admittedly, it's a bit embarrassing."

He groaned. _Don't torture me with things I can't have, Christina._

"It's simple. If it's true, and I did kiss you, since it was my first kiss, it would have created an emotionally strong memory in the amygdala. Therefore, if I kiss you again and remember, it'll prove that these are memories that I cannot remember due to some sort of amnesia, and not simply dreams, which don't create these types of memories. Of course, if it doesn't trigger anything, it won't prove that they are definitely not memories, since I don't remember them due to any sort of testable stimulus.

"However, since this is an experiment which stretches ethics a little, feel free to back out. In fact, I'll come up with a different one. I can't believe I was so desperate as to say something like this out loud. That's ridiculous. It's all your fault, Okabe."

He turned around, finally. She was framed nicely by her hair, bright against the watery orange rays from the window. "I'll think of something else, so don't act weird, okay?"

"Don't say something like that so lightly. Like it didn't mean anything to you." She seemed a little scared by his raised tone of voice. He turned back towards the closet, facing away from her.

"I... I didn't mean for it to sound like that. The very thought is preposterous - but if I did it, it would have meant something to me, Okabe." Her voice was shaky and unsure.

"That's true." He closed his eyes. "You aren't that kind of person." She reappeared in his mind's eye, clinging to him for dear life. It would be nice to yell at her, now, all the things he had wanted to say over these past few days, but he couldn't do that, in the end. He couldn't feed her white lies about time travel, but at the same time, what she was suggesting wasn't something to be taken lightly. For his sanity, and hers.

Her remembering wasn't worth the price of her companionship, reluctant as it was. He had gone through such great lengths to obtain it... And if she was here, with him, then it shouldn't have mattered, if she ran away from him when he told her things that could hurt her - in fact, she had been right to.

He had been so, so foolish.

He shouldn't have said Laá Ogus Oidhche, knowing that it could hurt her. He shouldn't have forced her to listen to his proofs. And hopefully he could now stop this madness before something terrible happened.

"Okabe, I...I can believe you, when you say that you did this with good intentions."

"Why?" His voice cracked a little. He was ready to cry, in front of Kurisu be damned.

"You're a very annoying person."

He snorted, gulping down his tears. "That's a good reason."

"Hear me out. You're an annoying person. But under that, you do truly care. I understand that now. And when you show that side of yourself, it - it...that is, I..." Her feet shuffled against the floor. "I can appreciate it. So maybe I can believe you, a little."

"Kurisu, I..." He turned around, needing to explain his stupid, stupid actions. "When I saw you in the street, that day, I... I thought that it was my chance to tell you everything. But I wasn't thinking straight. I kept justifying it with the little clues that told me that you might remember, but in reality, I just scared you, once, twice, thrice. Today, I decided, enough was enough."

"And? What happened to that?"

"I couldn't hold myself back from responding to you, in the end. When you asked me to give this a mission name, I felt hope again."

"But it's true, Okabe. I-I've been having these kinds of strange dreams, with the snake, and your other friends, since the day my father tried to - to stab me. Look at me." He turned around slowly. "I haven't been eating well or sleeping properly. I've been trying to hide it, but maybe you've noticed."

There was no easy way to put this, so he decided to go ahead with the truth. "I know - I know you don't believe me, but it's been the same with everyone who was involved, Kurisu. Including me. It's not easy to erase the scars of having all your dreams being taken away from you. In your case, it was your very life. I remember how scared you were back then."

"You vowed that you would never forget me. Is that what you said, Okabe?"

There was no point to playing the game any more. He hung his head.

"Okabe..." Her steps approached him lightly. He released his breaths in small, shuddering puffs. "Help me prove it, Okabe."

"O-Oi, wait." It was too much, too fast. It was wrong. He couldn't do this, not again. "It's fine, there's no need to prove anything - I thought you didn't believe me!"

"I don't." She said slowly. "This is to test whether it could be true. I need to know, I - I'm remembering terrible things, and I need, I need to know if they're true, Okabe. Weren't you the one who wanted to prove that they were true? Or are you going back on that?"

"No, I can't. It did happen, but - please. Don't."

She came to a stop right in front of him, at his toes. He waited for her to say, "Close your eyes," but she did not.

"I..."

She grabbed the lapels of his lab coat and pulled him closer. They both debated, for a long minute, over where it would be appropriate to place their hands. At last, he settled for leaving them by his sides, while she released his coat. She stood on her tip toes. He craned his neck forward to meet her.

"Don't betray my trust, O-Okabe Rintarou."

"No." He agreed softly.

She was hesitant, so he didn't dare show too much enthusiasm at first, and tried to pass it off as being gentle. He felt her hands grip his coat again - maybe for balance - and he tried to steady her shoulders. The he felt a light tug, pulling him closer, and he let himself go. She was so warm. His stomach wouldn't stop fluttering. Suddenly the pressure on his coat was gone, and her palms alighted on his cheeks, tracing the curves of his face. He pulled her closer again.

She let go too soon. He studied her face, trying to guess why she was looking so alarmed. She bit her lip, clearly struggling with something.

"Say it." He reached to catch her face in his palms. She shook her head. "Whatever you remembered, it's okay. We're in Steins Gate now."

"Hey, Ms. Makise?" A voice echoed through the house, finally reaching them.

She pulled away. As her warmth left, he felt another pang.

"Ms. Makise? Could you come down for a minute? I'm done installing the new lock, and I need my payment."

"C-coming," she called. He grasped her hands tightly, afraid of her expression. "Will you be alright?"

She nodded shakily. "I'm going downstairs."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll be fine." He released her. "Okay. I'm here, alright?"

"O-of course. I'll be right back." She walked out the door with loud steps. He crossed his arms, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. She was going to be alright. He settled himself back down on the bedframe.

The voice of the locksmith eventually stopped echoing up the stairs.

The room grew fully dark.

She still did not reappear.

She had run away.


	6. The Storm Breaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, how's it rolling? I managed to get this one up in time, happily, but only just. Completed editing it at 12.:29 a.m. Pure fun.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> EDIT: Unfortunately I was swamped with schoolwork this week, working on an animation (yay!) so I was unable to work on the next chapter to my satisfaction. It is ready, but some changes still need to be made...which is why I will put it up next week. Sorry about that.

The sun had long since set, even though one could expect to see it for a little longer at sea level. A star or two could be seen in a tiny gap between clouds. Kurisu didn't know any of their names, except for Polaris. Her father had not been interested in astronomy.

She hugged her knees tightly, at the bottom of the cliff. In a few minutes, it would become dangerous to attempt climbing back up for the lack of light, but she barely registered such petty details. Instead, she waited, shivering, for the waves of fear to slow. For a few minutes she even gave up thinking, reduced to only her heartbeat, then she was brought back by a wave splashing over her boots, and she edged as close to the cliff as she could.

In an effort to distract herself, she dug her fingers into the gravelly sand, to confirm her own existence. The muddiness of the sand barely affected her as she wiped her hand on her trusty jacket, and drew it more tightly across herself.

She was feeling scared right now because she had felt scared back then. That should have been the logical conclusion. But she could reason no further; she didn't want to know why she was about to retch up her stomach again, nor why she still could not cry, only bite her tongue and at her teeth.

She had been about to do something suicidal. Okabe had tried to stop her? By kissing her? Hah, that would have been nice and convenient, wouldn't it, just perfectly perfect, she should go back up now and everything would stop, the whole world would stop.

His terrified face as he melted, flashed across the dark waves. It had "meant something" to him. It hadn't been a desperate ploy to stop a friend from destroying herself. It wasn't a rash decision, but something more.

Were they lovers in her memories? Was he her boyfriend? But then why the extreme fear response?

She was forced to admit that her memories had really happened, at the very least, since they had created explicit emotional memories.

But then which were the real memories? She could, after all, remember the month she had spent searching for Okabe very clearly, and she had never seen any of the people from her dreams before she visited the lab, so there was no way they could overlap.

And if both sets of realities had been "lived" by her body, creating sensory perceptions, likes and dislikes, and muscle memory, then which one was the right one? Was there such a distinction at all?

Worse, if she never remembered them completely, there would always exist a possibility that there were more than one alternative set of memories. In one, she had told Okabe, "Forget me." In the other, she had said, "Never forget me."

And in still another, he had stabbed her.

How was she ever supposed to know which one was real? How could she ever even think that had been real, no, she didn't want, shouldn't have to believe it, how could a person as scared-

as caring-

as Okabe do such a thing, to anyone, at all, no, it made no sense.

Or maybe they were all true, but had occurred at different times.

Time.

Time travel.

Okabe had been talking about time machines-

The idea of time machines was completely illogical. It was impossible to make one. Her father had proved that. Heck, she had written a paper proving that.

Her father's rage proved that.

Her mental state proved that.

She wanted, desperately, to laugh, so she considered which time travel theory Okabe would have used. Exotic matter? String theory? Wormholes? How could Okabe Rintarou, a man of limited means (so far as she knew, of course, but the man had run out of Sanbo without paying once and had insisted that Daru-

She was merely proving the truth in his words over and over again. What a farce her denials were becoming.

If only he could see her now.

It was all because she had asked him to prove it. She even had feelings for him, how disgusting, well, she might as well admit that when he looked at her, or smiled at her, she felt too pleased, but really, it was just a passing fancy, a trifle, a silly thought, nothing less or more.

He had been so scared.

She had done it anyway, and he had fluttered like a dying bird, unwilling at first, but then not...quite...unwilling.

She had left, even when his trembling hands begged her to stay. It ached, now, that she had done that, how stupid, how hypocritical, how dare you.

In her haste to prove that her memories were not real, she had taken advantage of the fact that he clearly had feelings for her.

Yet again, she hurt someone to satisfy her ego.

She just never learned.

Her mother's voice, muttering words that had never been said aloud, filled her ears, drowning her.

_No, it isn't true, it isn't true-_

_Oh, but it is, you know that it is, you are old enough to understand what you did, both back then and now._

_I didn't, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to-_

"You knew perfectly well what you were doing!" Her mother roared. "And you hurt both of them!"

She had argued with her father, over and over, because he just wouldn't admit that he was wrong. She had written papers trying to prove him wrong and presented them to him. It was too much fun to care about her father's feelings about it. When she had turned seven, he'd had enough. He lashed out at her for the first time.

She had formally applied to work with him at the age of thirteen, keeping the unanswered letter a secret from her mother; at age sixteen, she had tried again, this time armed with a bachelor's degree in both biology and physics, and he gave her such a tongue-lashing in the rejection letter that she switched to neurobiology for her graduate degree, wanting nothing more to do with him. This year, she had convinced herself that she was over the debacle from two years ago and prepared a joint paper for them to publish.

She had been asking for him to lash out again for years.

She had it coming.

And even though, somehow, someone had saved her from that, she had hurt that someone, in the very same way.

Again, and again, and again, she committed the same mistakes, how hopeless, how worthless, how utterly pathetic.

She wished now, that instead of him seeing her, even if he was ready to laugh at her complete and utter destruction, he could just be on the other side of the planet, anywhere else, well, it didn't matter, he lived here and she lived in L.A., so it wouldn't matter anyway, soon enough they would be separated by thousands of miles and she wouldn't have to see his face ever again. For the rest of her life, as she went on tormenting and destroying everyone in her life (maybe this was why Maho said "I hate you." when they first met.)

She couldn't believe that still hurt, but it did because Kurisu was stupid and Kurisu didn't deserve to have friends because she couldn't even keep them properly, she kissed a guy, what a joke, how was she supposed to deal with someone else's feelings when all she knew was to prove herself right, even at their expense, how dare you.

The same thoughts came up again and again, as they had for so many nights this month. Her boots and slacks were soaked by the sea spray, but the wetness and cold was only something she had brought upon herself, by sitting here. She didn't revel in it anymore, nor did she try to shy away, but quietly accepted it.

_It's cold._

Tears pricked her eyes, but they refused to fall, and she accepted that also.

The pit in her stomach grew as she closed her eyes and buried her face into her warm collar bone.

What if she was never able to make a good friend? What if she kept hurting people in every friendship she ever had? Surely, one day, even Maho would grow tired of her antics, and she would be all alone.

It wasn't like she had many to begin with.

She hugged herself, rocking gently.

Her father's specter would follow her everywhere, even if she was the one who was supposed to have died. So would Okabe's. By the time she was old, she would have a small army. She laughed, even though it wasn't funny, as she picked at mud and fragments of shells.

If Okabe really had killed her, could it have been for the same reasons as her father? She had betrayed him, and he'd had enough. Maybe that was really a future event, not a past one.

She tried to dismiss these overdramatic, tormenting thoughts, but she was tired, and they continued to swirl around in her head. She pulled out her phone, scrolling up and down the short list of contacts.

If only Maho would pick up.

If only Mama would understand.

If only Mayuri wasn't so attached to Okabe.

She didn't have Okabe's number. They had never exchanged numbers, for some reason, it had never seemed necessary. She looked at their emails, sniggering at her naivete.

She had imagined that he could solve all her questions. That the "are you ok?" was a sign that someone was looking out for her, somewhere. That the "Did you get home alright?" meant something to him. Of course, no matter what it had meant, it was useless now.

Her phone clattered out of her hands and lay vibrating on the gravelly sand. She picked it back up. "Hello?"

"Kurisu! Are you two on your way back from the ward office? Did it go alright?"

"Y-yes. Mayuri."

"Oh! Okarin wasn't picking up when his mother tried to call him, so she called me, and..."

"Oh." Did Okabe's parents even know he was here? How did he convince them to let him go?

"Where is he?" Mayuri asked softly, breaking her out of her reverie.

"He's not here. Right now." She couldn't even begin to think of excuses.

"Kurisu, is something wrong?"

She waited for Mayuri to ask if they had a fight, waited for the accusations, that somehow, Mayuri knew, that she had died in her dreams. She watched the faint reflections of the moonlight on the water, wishing that she could throw the phone in and some wave would be kind enough to dash it against a rock.

"You know, Kurisu? I was kind of happy when you and Okarin met. Because - don't tell Okarin I said this, okay? It's a secret between us. I saw that when Okabe looks at you, he shows you that he's sad. And these days Okarin is happy, but he looks sad when he thinks nobody's paying attention. So when you two started talking, Mayushii wasn't worried about him anymore."

That was...nice, but...

"Ehehe, I just wanted to say... I hope you can take good care of him."

_But I...I just hurt him, over and over. This morning, he was sad because of something I did. When I asked him to come to Aomori with me...he looked like I had stabbed him in the back._

_He did cheer up later, but...the truth is that when Okabe looks at me, most of the time, I don't really understand what he's trying to say. And when he tries to explain it to me, I push him away._

_Is it because he feels guilty that he stabbed me? Is that it?_

"You have to get on the bus home in around an hour, right? Tell him to call his mom when he comes back, okay?"

_I should just tell him...that I didn't remember anything. He looks tormented enough, and I don't want to hurt him any longer for something that may or may not have happened... And even if it did, I should move on and let it go. He did save my life, so he paid the debt._

"Kurisu?"

"Ye-yes. I will."

"Okay, have a safe ride home."

"Mmm." The call clicked closed.

_What a base way of thinking about it. A human life can hardly be summed up by a word like debt..._

All that time they had spent together, just talking about their lives. It was so easy, and, most of all, it wasn't like with Maho, where every word was a struggle to catch the other's attention.

He was there for her, when she was falling apart day before yesterday. True, that was why she had brought him along in the first place, but...even when she refused to talk about it, he still reassured her that he would be there.

He waited for her, sincere at all the right moments.

A person like that couldn't possibly be a murderer.

No matter what, unless Okabe admitted it himself, she couldn't believe it.

And her saying that would hurt him again, in some strange, twisted way. But it was the only conclusion she could come to, in light of all the presented evidence. And they both deserved to move on comfortably, so she would be kind while saying it.

She wished that he would be able to accept it. If he was, then she could try emailing him once she was back in the U.S., and...maybe he wouldn't stop being her friend, after all. And maybe she could visit him, sometime, or he could visit her.

That would be comforting.

She imagined his arms around her, and her cheeks grew red. It was more than she deserved, and most likely Okabe wouldn't even want to look at her now. But it was nice to imagine that someday, someone might be waiting for her.

She stood and nearly fell as blood rushed back into her thighs. The wind was strong, now. The storm was about to break. The moon could no longer be seen, not even as a faint halo through the clouds.

"Perverted genius girl!"

She looked up. A cellphone torchlight streamed into her eyes. "I knew you would respond to that one."

She shielded her eyes, and managed to glimpse the man holding the phone. "Hououin Kyoum-b."

So he had come searching for her, after all. He was a nicer guy than she gave him credit for. Or maybe he was just looking for an answer. She would have to disappoint him then. A lump grew in her throat.

The first droplets of rain pattered onto her head.

"What?"

"Nothing." She registered belatedly that she had called him by a nickname. Her face grew warm again.

"Finally, you acknowledge my one and only true -"

"Shut up!" She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them, hoping that he would stay, that he wouldn't give up on her.

"Come up," he encouraged, shining the torch onto the rocks. "It's probably going to rain now."

She moved forward to place her hands and feet on the stones, then hesitated.

_Will he be angry at me?_

_I should tell him now, before I go up._

"About the-" She couldn't continue, and the silence was forcibly filled by the sea and tiny droplets hitting her hair. It was a lie, really, because the kiss had happened. But this was necessary. For both of their sakes."-what if I can't believe you?"

"Forget it. It'll be for the best." She was so surprised that she looked up, directly into the torchlight. She wished that she could see his face. It would be easier if she could reassure him, somehow, that it was okay.

"You can just ignore it." He sighed. "I'm pretty sure that's what Mayuri and Faris do. I have to do that all the time. But if you're ever disturbed by it, you can talk to me. Psychologists aren't going to be of much help, trust me."

His voice was flat, but tight. He had decided something. If only he could smile, a real smile, the way he smiled for her, eyes wide and warm.

"Okabe?"

"Mmm?"

"Are you...are you, um, alright?"

"I'm fine." He said, a little gruffly. "Mayuri called me about ten times."

"Did that cheer you up?"

"No, she called me because she was worried about you, Assistant."

"Did she tell you? Your mother's been trying to call you."

"I know. I talked to her, too."

She bit her lip, looking down.

"It's...fine. Like I said, don't worry about it. Just come up, it's raining. Let's go home."

This wasn't very...mad scientist of him. He strut about, fluttering his lab coat, and when it came down to it, he wasn't ready to go the final length to prove his hypotheses.

How...unlike her father.

This wasn't going to play out in the same way. So she could dare to hope. She pressed her forehead against the cool, slippery rock. "Okay."

She could see only about a foot in front of her. She had made this climb far too many times, as a child, for her mother to be comfortable with, but never had her legs and arms been shaking with the overproduction of lactic acid, and never had she felt so numb from utter mental exhaustion. Besides, she had never been any good at physical activity, except maybe swimming, but even then, it wasn't like anybody could call her a good swimmer. But if they wanted to go home, she would have to go up.

Also, she was getting wet.

It was almost surprising that Okabe had given up so easily. She had expected him to put up a bit more of a fight.

She could see his lab coat now, whipping around in the rain and wind.

It had been bloody, that day.

She shook her head. It wasn't real.

She looked up into the torchlight. She still couldn't see his face.

She had been looking up, straining to tell him something.

To apologise.

Because it wasn't his fault.

She froze dead.

"Kurisu."

It wasn't his fault - but how?

It was in that same supply closet in Radi-kan, that was for sure.

Therefore, her father must have also been there.

Was it possible-?

That maybe he had been aiming for her father, and had caught her instead?

"Are you stuck?" He sounded panicked. She resisted the urge to laugh. "I'll go get a rope-"

"Okabe! I'm not stuck, don't move."

"O-okay." She wished Daru was here to make the that's-what-she-said joke for her. To make it herself would be a bit too embarrassing.

_What if it's real?_

She resumed climbing with renewed vigor. The wind mocked her, pushing her wet bangs into her mouth, and she spit them out vengefully. The universe really did hate her for being alive; it always rained whenever she was having an epiphany. She was completely drenched now.

_It's real, it was always real._

He crouched and offered her his hand as she came closer to the top. She took it; it was warm and alive. He pulled her up with difficulty - evidently he wasn't the greatest at physical activity, either.

"Okabe." If she told him that she believed him, what would he say?

She had to give him a chance. To explain, or to sort it out, it didn't matter. But they were connected too deeply for either of them to give up like this.

"You told me. In your email. You said _you_ had proof."

"Kurisu..." He sounded crumbly, like a house of cards someone was about to kick over.

"Is it a proof... different from the earlier one?"

"I - let's get out of the rain -"

"It doesn't matter, we're both soaked anyway."

"That's not how it works!"

"Okabe!"

"What?"

"I believe you."

"What?"

"I believe you!" Why was he so bullheaded sometimes, she didn't understand.

"Kurisu..."

She gripped his wrist and pulled him into a run towards the house. He stumbled and tumbled, but she didn't let go, and pulled him up the steps to the tiny porch. She fished in her pockets for the key, hoping that it hadn't fallen out while she had been climbing up - now that would be fun - thank goodness it hadn't - and let them in. The hallway was dark, so she began looking for the light switch.

Okabe found it and turned it on. Her chest heaved, as they looked at each other.

"Give me the proof, Okabe."

"No."

"Okabe."

"It would make the world order collapse, _Assistant_."

" _Okabe_."

"I will not."

"Why not?"

"Kurisu."

She reached for her tie on reflex. "What?"

"You."

She looked away with a sigh. So he had given up on her, after all. She raised her eyes again, stealing a glance. His eyes were shining, which scared her even more than the idea of him yelling at her. "Okabe, I believe you. Just tell me the truth. I'll be willing to accept it, whatever it is."

She drew closer, conscious of the tiny distance between them, but not stopping. He closed his eyes.

"I can't hurt you again. I don't want to risk it, I-" He looked down, and took a deep breath.

"I've been too selfish, Kurisu."

"I feel the same way."

He sighed and raised his eyebrows. "How could you possibly-"

"Just listen." The look on his face told her that he would. "I went too far trying to prove that I was right, Okabe. I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took advantage of you. I'm sorry I kept looking away from it all, and I allowed my ego, and my past experiences, to get the better of me. But I believe you now, so just show me the proof. Please."

She wrapped her arms around him.

"You know it's going to hurt you, I know it's going to hurt you, so why do we keep doing this?" He croaked.

"It's not going to hurt me. I promise you, Okabe, I'm not going to run away. I ran because I was afraid, but I...I'm not any more. I trust you."

His clothes were cold, everything was cold, but his hands were warm. His chin rested lightly on top of her hair. "Tell me honestly, Kurisu. What conclusion did you get from the experiment?"

There were so many answers to that question. Regret. Rage. Loss, longing, existential fear. Depression and desperation. Sacrifice, and determination, and love.

"It was a memory. And it was real. That's my final answer."

He giggled, and she realised that she'd carelessly let an atchannel term slip out.

He didn't tease her, though.

"And this is really what you want?"

"Yes."

"Promise you won't run?" It was a whisper, and she found herself whispering back.

"I promise."

"If you get hurt by it - or by the memories -"

"Okabe," she interrupted, "If you can prove this to me, I'm very interested in hearing exactly how you built this time machine. And how did we become friends? And the rest of the lab - I want to get to know them too. Properly, the way I did before."

"But if you -"

"I told you, I trust you."

"Then I have to tell you, Kurisu, that some of these memories are going to hurt you. Do you still want to know?"

If she said yes, she would have to accept whatever he told her. This proof that he was talking about sounded final. Perhaps it was illogical to think this way about a mere statement of fact, but it sounded dangerous in its finality. Maybe because it wouldn't leave her any ground to stand on.

But as a scientist, there was simply no way she could give up pursuing it.

And if it hurt her, she could always trust him. He wouldn't...he had proved, over and over again, that he wouldn't abandon her.

"Tell me."

"Okay." He heaved a sigh. She stepped back a little, waiting.

"It'll be easier to show it to you. Wait here." He murmured, before starting through the corridor. She followed him into the living room, and watched as he disappeared into the kitchen, wondering what on earth this proof could be.

Well, all the food was gone, so it was anyone's guess as to what he was searching for.

If it was Dk. Pepper, she was going to kill him.

If it was a banana, she was going to bury him alive.

If it was chicken cutlets - Wait, what did they have to do with anything?

He peeked out, looking very cheeky. She smiled back, in spite of herself. "Well, what is it?"

He strolled over, hands suspiciously deep in his pockets. "It's eating you up, isn't it, you experiment loving genius girl."

"You stall any longer, and I'll be forced to stick electrodes in your hippocampus and shock the answer out of you."

He sighed dramatically. "Unnecessary."

From the pocket of his lab coat, he pulled out a shiny steel spoon and fork.


	7. The Stuff Of Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I is back, FUAHAHA, after conquering an animation and a lack of sleep that were, strangely enough, unrelated. This is a ridiculously long chapter, but I hope you guys like it.
> 
> Enjoy.

They threw the umbrella in the convenience store stand, and entered. Okabe stretched, trying to get the feeling back in his legs, as Kurisu stalked off towards the cup noodles. The clerk was grumpy about them tracking mud and water in, but they both ignored him.

The lights were bright, way too bright after coming in from the stormy night. He trudged towards a darker corner, where they sold tourist clothes, and selected a shirt and shorts his size. What a lucky find - now he would have something dry to wear. He brought it over to the cash register, where the clerk proceeded to rob him. "Ah, I should also get one." Kurisu said, and returned with a set for herself. He couldn't suppress a snigger. She didn't even blink. She was numb, and he...found everything funny now, apparently. The laughing had begun when she finally understood what the spoon and fork meant. Not even a mad scientist laugh. Just laughing.

Oh, but the incredulousness, and that little bit of annoyance in her expression - that was too funny to pass up. And there was a hint of amusement, as well. She found it funny too. She just wasn't willing to admit it, as usual. And the way she didn't even need to ask, if he understood that she understood...

"We're going to look like members of a pop band." He chuckled. Her phone rang, so he took their purchases from her, leaving her free to answer. "Hello? Mama? Yes, we're on the bus."

He continued to laugh, silently. Of course they had missed the bus. By the time they had resolved things enough to think about getting on it, there were ten minutes to it leaving. Steins Gate was officially conspiring to keep them in Aomori forever. It was probably convergence.

"No, that's just Okabe, he's put on some annoying music..." So now his taste was easy-listening trash. His reputation had been sacrificed at the altar of Kurisu's mother.

"What? Senpai really said that?" She suddenly looked troubled, and he wondered, again, who this mysterious senpai, who had never been mentioned in any other worldline, was. Perhaps a colleague? They had seemed close, but not really. The mask that Kurisu put up in front of that senpai person seemed a little counter-productive. "I'll just talk to her when I get back to L.A."

He wished that she would hurry up. He was starting to shiver, now that they were properly out of the rain, and the clerk wasn't cheering up any, either. "No, Mama, I'll just talk to her later. It's fine. I'm telling you, I'll talk later. Bye." She shut it off forcefully, and eyed him as though she was waiting to pounce on any comments he passed. He snorted. "Let's go."

They walked out of the store, holding the umbrella together because they couldn't agree on who should carry it. "I really am going to talk to her later. It'll be fine. You know."

"Huh."

"And it's not as if she cares if I don't call her up. She'll just assume I'm busy. She doesn't really care."

"Huh."

"And I'm going to meet her in a few days anyway, so calling her right now is just a waste of money. Really."

"Really now?"

"Yes."

He pulled on the umbrella a bit, wanting to catch her off balance. They were both soaked, so it made no difference. She glared at him anyway.

Her phone rang, and she let go of the umbrella to fumble for it. "Hello? Senpai?"

Interesting. Kurisu's mother had apparently decided to run interference. How typically mother-ish of her. Exactly like his own, when he was little and Mayuri grew exasperated with him. "I - yes. I just - I was busy."

Well, it wasn't exactly a lie, but surely even Kurisu-level tsunderes should realise that people tended to worry when they weren't given an occasional ring. Especially with the way her senpai had been cut off. "Nothing happened to the weird guy. I just finished my errand and we're coming back to Tokyo, that's all."

The weird guy. First the music, and now weird guy. Kurisu was on a roll tonight. "Yes, Senpai. Of course I'm coming back to the lab. On Monday. Like I promised."

_Not if convergence keeps you here forever. FUAHAHAHA!_

"No, Senpai." Kurisu grew quiet, and, to his surprise, moved closer into the umbrella. "Nothing like that."

She gave a sudden, sarcastic smile. "Yes, I am looking forward to that. Talking to intelligent minds like yours. Goodbye."

She shut off the call, breathing heavily, and he wondered if he should take her hand.

"I hate her."

He blinked. "Doesn't seem like it."

"I said something terrible to her just now. She's going to worry about that for weeks, I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have - why am I like this?"

"If you're feeling that bad about it, the best thing to do would be to call her back and apologize sincerely."

"You don't understand. I can't, she'd take it even worse and it would stick in her mind forever. She's obstinate, in that way." He realised that she sounded frustrated. "Why do you care about what she thinks, then? Let her stew, and prove that you're sorry through your actions later."

"I've tried that too. So many times, I... I mean, I've never said anything this bad to her. But every time something happens, she makes it worse, and ignores me for a while before deciding to forgive me. It's exhausting."

"Why are you friends with her, then?"

"Because-" She cut herself off, and looked up at him. At last, she was opening up to him - being tired made her talk, apparently. She sighed and rolled her shoulders, kicking a couple of stones out of the way. "You wouldn't understand. You have so many friends..."

"Most of them were Mayuri's friends, originally." Kurisu chuckled. "Of course."

"So you can be friends with them now, too. You used to be. It won't be difficult." Mayuri and Kurisu got along like they had been best friends all their lives. Of course, she was like that with everyone. But Kurisu had managed to make friends with Suzuha too, despite her open hostility. And her relationship with Lukako and Faris hadn't been bad, either. Her relationships with Moeka and Daru were questionable, but that was understandable. They took some getting used to.

"I..."

"Don't give it a second thought, Christina. They'll be happy - no, Mayuri will be ecstatic, to be friends with you again."

"I hope so."

"If there's any reason for them to be unfriendly with you, you can simply wear them down with the stubbornly friendly true nature of a tsundere."

She groaned. "I am not - just - Okabe, you're the one in danger of me being unfriendly to, got it?"

They walked through the gates of the house, and up to the porch. It was dark, far from the last streetlight, and Kurisu turned on her cellphone flashlight to get the key. At least they had somewhere to stay, even if it was this dusty old place. The various things he had suffered across worldlines hadn't included being homeless, and he wasn't eager for it to be added to the list.

He realised that the door hadn't opened yet, but it didn't look like she was having trouble with the key. He wanted to ask what happened, but he remembered her stricken face in WcDonald's, and on the porch today, and closed his mouth.

"I don't want to stay here." She said it very strongly, in her typical way. He waited for more, but apparently that was it.

"Why not, Christina?"

"I don't want to stay here. I don't like it."

"Where do you want to go, then? It's past ten o'clock at night." He sighed. Not only would it be difficult to find a hotel, it would also be a waste of money, and they were going to have to buy tickets for tomorrow's day bus too. Of course, it was all Kurisu's money, so it wasn't as though he had any right to say anything about how it was spent.

"There's nowhere else, I know."

He patted her wet hair in sympathy. "Let's just go in and take a shower." They would feel better once they were out of these cold clothes. She twisted the key, and they stepped in. He switched the light on again. They should've left it on. It would have felt a little less gloomy.

"Kurisu?" She stood still after taking off her shoes. "Are you alright?"

She snapped out of it. "Bathroom's to the left of the stairs. I'm using the one upstairs. Think about peeking and you're dead." He waved his hand lazily. It wasn't like he hadn't seen everything there was to see already.

He undressed quickly. Dust had accumulated on the bathroom floor, so he ran the water for a while before it was clean. The hot water was a relief. Sensation returned to his toes, and the warmth washed away the pain from the day's walking. He wished he could stay in the bath forever. After all, he would have to tell Kurisu everything now.

He hadn't explained anything beyond how the Phonewave worked on the way to the convenience store. The science was the one thing Kurisu couldn't let wait, even when he warned her that they couldn't discuss this in public. Typical. She knew the theory well enough to complete his sentences, and ruin his grand proclamations with her deadpan insults. He had to admit that it was refreshing. A relief, actually.

Her face in the hallway floated up with the mist, and he wished that he could comfort her, somehow. It wasn't going to be easy for her to let go of what had happened to her, no doubt, but it hurt to see her like that. He loved her, after all.

It was difficult to admit, but even seeing her that day had made his hopes bloom out of the absolute nothing that they had been during the weeks in the hospital. When she had stormed out of May Queen...it was downright embarrassing, but it had only made his feelings grow sharper and more poignant, as though he was grieving her death all over again.

What ridiculous thoughts he was having tonight, despite suppressing them for these few days. It didn't matter what he felt, because she was leaving on Friday, or rather, the day after tomorrow, morning, and he would not see her after that. Unless convergence kept her in Aomori somehow - but no, that was an even sillier thought. He began to hum a soft, sad song.

In a few moments, he reluctantly switched the water off, and pulled on the tourist trap t-shirt. He wiped the mirror and peeked in. If only Daru could see him now, he'd have a good laugh...which was why he was very glad that they were going to run the washing machines so they could wear normal clothes on the way back. He tucked the shirt into the shorts. Upon finding that it didn't improve, he pulled it out, and sighed.

She had said that she trusted him. That was a big responsibility. He would have to make this as painless for her as possible. If that meant glossing over certain details, that was fine. And that was final.

He raked a hand through his hair, flattened as it was by the rain and the shower, and turned the knob, still humming.

He heard the padding of feet going up the stairs. Evidently Kurisu had finished showering as well. "Oi, Christina."

She didn't respond. He thumped his way up, and found her in the first room on the landing. She was sitting on the floor, between the open doors of a closet, in a large bedroom. She was also wearing the tourist clothes. "What are you doing?"

"I was looking for a futon for me to sleep on."

There was clearly no futon hidden under the pile of moldy notebooks and clothing. How had she managed to make such a mess in the five seconds he had spent in coming upstairs?

"Your quest is easily fulfilled, Christina." He strode over to the bed and pulled off the bedsheet. "Just use this mattress for now."

She sighed. "You don't know, but that's my father's bed, and I don't want to use it." Well, if there were no other futons there were no other futons, but he wasn't sure he wanted to press the issue. She flipped through a couple of pages.

"Alright, alright." She sighed again. "Using it is the only choice I have. But I draw the line at sleeping in this room." She began to roll up one of the mattresses of the double bed. He attempted to help, but she swatted him away, saying that he wasn't going to so much as think of touching her bedding, and if there was any suspicious business, he would be sleeping outside instead of on the couch that had been generously lent to him. He rolled his eyes.

The mattress was too wide for the bed frame in her old room. It hung off the edge. She tried to fix it by folding the excess, which predictably failed. She turned to him with a huff. He shrugged. "It's just for one night, right?"

She followed him out, clicking the light off, then lingered at the threshold between the hall and the bedroom. "What?"

"You know what? I can't sleep here either." She walked back in and rolled her mattress up again, and proceeded to toddle downstairs with it, nearly flattening him into the wall in the process. "Oi, Assistant, watch where you're swinging that!"

"Didn't I tell you not to touch it? Didn't I?"

"Where are you even going to - o-oh." She was not, indeed, sleeping in the kitchen, or on the dining table, or atop the CRT. She looked so defiant that he didn't know whether to tease her, welcome her or chase her out.

"I don't want to sleep upstairs, so I'm sleeping here. It's just for one night. Isn't it?"

"Are you sure?"

"Don't make me regret this, Okabe."

He snorted. He hadn't anticipated this. Still, there was no need to let his imagination run away with him. Kurisu had slept over in the lab before, so it wasn't like this was some completely novel situation...for him, at least. So why was his mind so blank?

"Okay." He noticed that she was sitting down, cross-legged. "Tell me about your experiments now."

He shook his head. "I'm hungry. Let's eat first." He crossed over to where they had left their plastic bag of triumph, and pulled out...one cup of noodles. "Not eating, Christina?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Doesn't sound like it."

"Shut up, Okabe. I'm not in the mood."

He sighed. "A Dk. Pepper, then? Come on, you should drink something, at least." She said nothing, so he pulled out a bottle to drink now, and put the other in the starkly empty fridge. He washed out a glass cup to heat water in the microwave. At least this one was usable, har-har.

He sat on the sofa, right opposite her mattress, as he waited for his noodles to cook. She held the bottle of Dk. Pepper, but didn't drink.

She didn't use to be like this. She said that she'd been having trouble eating and sleeping, but he never really processed that to mean this. Not only did it hurt to see her like this, it was a little scary.

_This must be how Mayuri feels._

_Ouch._

"Eat a little bit of mine."

"You don't understand, I can't."

"Why not?"

"My body has gotten used to not eating dinner, so if I do, it makes me feel sick the next day. Besides, you must be hungry. You eat your food."

"Then that's all the more reason for you to eat. You need to get your body used to it again."

She looked...scared. But she needed to hear this - or maybe this was just Mayuri's voice , speaking through him. "Eat a few bites today. A few more tomorrow. You'll be eating a three course dinner like you did at Sanbo in no time."

"That was lunch."

"Don't nitpick. Just eat a little."

"What if I get sick tomorrow?"

"You won't get sick the day after that."

She crossed her arms. Her fingers reached for her tie. It faintly amused him that when she couldn't find it, she began to play with the neck of her shirt instead. "Fine." She murmured. "But only a bite."

He grinned and let loose a truly mad laugh he'd been itching to get out all day. "Fallen into my trap yet again, I see, dear Assistant. You are only useful to the lab in full health, and so I will gladly emotionally blackmail you into eating a little more for the progress of our lab."

She groaned. "Shut up and eat your food. Or it'll grow cold." He checked the cup, and saw that the noodles were cooked. "Here, take this." He got up to get her a fork.

He attacked the food with a vengeance. It was delicious after eating nothing but that weird brunch. She took two bites, and no more.

He paused before the last bite, just in case. "Want it?"

She looked at him fearfully.

"It's okay." He ate it up, and patted her back awkwardly. It was like patting a rock. He put the cup down, out of sight. "You're going to be fine, Kurisu. Don't worry about it."

She made an odd noise.

"Feeling nauseous?"

"Yes, though I think I'm more afraid of the sensation than actually feeling it. Possibly a conditioned reaction."

He felt the same way about his nightmares. This - exactly - the same. "I understand."

And now he was going to, willingly, revisit those scenes tonight. And to think, that he had sat in his hospital bed and agonized over whom to tell and whom not to tell. Mayuri was an obvious no-no, since he didn't want to confirm that her nightmares, if she was still having them in this worldline, were real. Lukako had just lately gained the confidence to try cosplay, and he didn't want to say anything that might mess that up. Telling Faris would only cause her more pain. Moeka was out of the question - she was working directly under Mr. Braun now, but that was no excuse to trust her. And Daru had just dismissed him as being chunnibyou as usual.

He had been a little relieved, when Daru had brushed him off. It meant that he didn't have to talk about this. And he had never even considered what to tell Kurisu, since he had never expected to see her again. The events of the past four days hadn't left him much time for thought about what he would say, either. His only guideline was to omit things that could cause Kurisu pain. She definitely had enough of that to deal with.

Maybe they should skip this and talk about it tomorrow -

"Tell me about the experiments, Okabe. Enough stalling."

He closed his eyes, preparing himself. "I told you this once, but I'll tell you again: you cannot tell anyone about this. Not your American colleagues, not your senpai, not even the other lab members - in fact, especially not them. And Suzuha -"

"Has to remain a secret, I know."

"I'm serious, Christina."

"The moment you call me Christina, I stop taking you seriously." He gave her a look. "Fine, fine. Go on."

He began with the very first d-mail he had sent, then went on to Kurisu's arrival in the Future Gadget Lab, then sped through the experiments they had conducted on the members, trying to downplay their effects. Lotto Six had been so...innocent, in comparison with the final one. It was like a curse that grew worse with each iteration.

Kurisu interrupted occasionally, when he forgot something and she remembered, or when she wanted some additional explanation for an odd memory. As he fell silent, she didn't speak either, probably digesting it all slowly. Just this far, and his breath already wheezed in his chest. He didn't want to go any further, but he would have to. He hung his head.

"Okabe." Her voice was shakier than he expected.

_How could I forget? She's grieving too._

"Let's talk about the rest tomorrow. Enough, now..." He nodded. "It's past twelve already, and we need to catch that bus tomorrow. It's at nine, isn't it?" She continued, talking to herself more than him. "If we miss it, that's it. We can't afford to sleep in like yesterday."

They turned off the lights, and the room was soon dark, silent and still. He was filled with nervous excitement, and it was difficult to even close his eyes. He reached for his phone, out of pure habit. The usual muck floated around on atchannel, ready to conveniently divert his attention. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he spotted another prick of light, coming from beneath Kurisu's many blankets.

_We can't bear to sleep, but we can't bear to continue, either._

It wasn't fair, no, it was practically evil. It was the malicious air of this old house, that would never let them rest peacefully. Not as long as he lived, not until he paid for his sins. Kurisu was innocent, though, never mind what she thought about her father. He snapped his phone shut. "Kurisu."

He heard a rustle of blankets and assumed that she was listening, because he couldn't see a single thing. This place needed some porch lights. "Let's go to sleep. Don't mess around on your phone. It's no good."

"You sound like my mother." She muttered.

He snorted. "I'm just giving you a bit of advice."

"Which I highly doubt you're going to follow yourself."

"I am, look? No phone." He sighed. "Let's just try. To sleep." He lay back down and closed his eyes, knowing full well that nightmares would follow.

* * *

His phone was tightly clenched in his fist when he sat bolt upright. The room was still dark, but not as much it had been - the sky had cleared, and the moon was out. He checked the time. It was getting round to three. He scrolled through Mayuri's old emails, trying to reassure himself. Then he tried to relax his fingers, one by one.

Three meant about two hours of sleep. That was pretty average. He looked down to see a light emitting from Kurisu's blanket. She was awake, too then. He wondered whether she had woken up, like he had, or if she had never even fallen asleep.

He got up and went to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, tugging at his shirt to air out all the sweat. There was nothing to do but to drink, and hope that it would calm him. This was how they would have to live, now and forever, in little pieces between laughter and tears. His glass shook, and he placed it on the counter, afraid that he would drop it. Even if this was the worldline he had worked so hard to reach, there would always be a part of him that would be looking around corners, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Mayuri to fall, for Kurisu to disappear again, for Suzuha to appear.

For him to mess it all up again.

He wound his arms around himself. Waiting for death was a tiresome business.

He downed the rest of his glass in one gulp and stalked outside, to where Kurisu lay on her father's mattress. The light from her phone could still be seen, but the cocoon of blankets was unmoving and unrevealing.

If only Kurisu was magic. If only she could cure him of these terrible visions, of the fear that never stopped. Maybe she had gone to sleep while looking at her phone. Or maybe she was dead.

He raised the corner of her blanket, terrified.

"Okabe!" She roared. He felt like he had thrown a rock into a tiger's den and scrambled to the couch for safety. "What do you think you were doing? Huh?"

"I thought you were awake." He said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. She bared her teeth at him. They glinted oddly in the moonlight visible after the rain. "So that doesn't mean you can just look inside. Pervert!"

He groaned and buried his head into the couch cushions. It was too early in the morning for this.

"Why are you awake, Okabe?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Seeing as the order of conversation is from beginning to end, you'll have to answer my question first."

"I did answer."

"That was not an answer."

He sighed. "I just felt thirsty, so I got up to drink some water. That's all."

"Okabe... I know you're not going to want to hear this, but I think you might have PTSD. You were crying in your sleep."

He bit back a harsh retort. She didn't deserve that. "I might have had a nightmare, but that's hardly an entire syndrome."

"The S stands for Stress, not syndrome. It's a disorder."

"Do you have a degree in psychology too?"

"Everyone knows what PTSD stands for!" She hissed. "Maybe I don't have a degree in psychology, but I still think you need help."

He felt like throwing the couch cushions at her. "And what am I going to tell them, huh? That I traveled through time? They'll think I have dementia."

"You mean schizophrenia. Or maybe maladaptive daydreaming disorder."

"Look, I told you. I warned you. Going to a psychologist won't help. You'll never be able to tell them why you're feeling what you're feeling. Worse, what if they put use hypnotherapy and SERN listens to you reveal the entire theory? Steins Gate will crumble. It cannot stand even the slightest of pressure. One mistake, and we could be finished."

She fell silent, relieving him. If she knew what he had been thinking when he flipped open her blanket...

"My senpai..." She murmured. "Her name is Hiyajo Maho." He drew his blankets close around himself, wondering why she was thinking about this now - if the fight between them had been that serious. They hadn't even yelled at each other, but sometimes words could hurt more than, or as much as actions. He thought of Lukako, and he flushed.

"If I tell you about her, will you listen?"

"Of course," he murmured, before he could stop himself.

"Alright. The day all of this started - the day I almost got stabbed, she called me up, crying. The police had just let me go, after questioning me for over two hours. She called me, asking if I was alright - and I don't know why, she just started crying. She also didn't know why she was crying. At the time, I thought it might be some strange coincidence of her hormones acting up the day I got stabbed, but now I can't help but wonder if she saw something from the worldline where I was dead. The one you saw at the beginning."

"She must have felt concerned after coming to know that you had almost been stabbed, Kurisu. She is your senpai, after all."

"I-" She stopped abruptly, and threw off her blankets, so that she could sit up. "I didn't talk to her for a month after that. I wanted to, but I was just afraid that she would hate me. Maho hates to be weak, and especially in front of me - I really thought she would hate me. When we talked on the bus - that was the first time we talked in a long time."

"She doesn't seem to."

She nodded. "If she didn't then, I guess she does now. I'm tired of it. Tired of constantly stepping around her like a minefield. I didn't mean to say something that I knew she would take badly, but I don't think she's going to forgive me this time."

He sighed. When would this girl learn? There were few things that couldn't be mended if both parties were sincere - as long as one side didn't keep intentionally agonise the other. If they weren't sincere, such as, for example, Kurisu's father, then it was better to walk away, at least for a while. But Maho didn't seem like the kind of person who walked away that easily. "Just call your senpai up tomorrow, and tell her that you're sorry."

"She won't even like that I mentioned it."

"Then don't mention it. Just show her that you're sorry, and it may take a little time, but she will forgive you."

"Why?"

He closed his eyes. "Because it seems like she really wants to be friends with you. No matter what you say, or she says, you both have managed to put it aside and keep being friends, if only out of necessity. There's no reason to assume that anything would change now. Just trust her to accept your apology."

He heard her get up, and she walked over to the window, shimmering against the moonlight. "How do you always know what to say, Okabe?"

He blinked. It wasn't as though he was some all-powerful know-it-all, it was just that he was, somehow, for some extremely weird reason, that he did not understand, at all, whatsoever, the only person she could bear to confide in. Completely illogical, irrational, incomprehensible, but that was who Kurisu was, too, no matter what she prided herself to be.

"Okabe. Tell me the rest. What happened after the party with Suzuha?"

He took a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to know right now?"

She turned around slightly with a soft smile. "I don't think either of us are going to be able to sleep until you do."

"Kurisu..." She walked back to the mattress.

"Go on."

He began with how Kurisu herself had converted the Phonewave into the Time Leap Machine. His palms were sweating, so he got up and walked to the same window to lean against the cool glass, trying to slow the pounding of his heart.

_It's getting worse._

"Another party?" Kurisu asked, interested.

"Daru ordered pizza, and..." It had all gone so wrong. "Lukako and Faris were busy, so they weren't there. It was just you, Mayuri, Daru and me." He remembered the defiant way Kurisu had half-raised her hands in the air; the way Mayuri's were earnestly terrified and straight up, as if a teacher had punished her.

He turned and held Kurisu's gaze for a long moment as he gathered the courage to speak. "Moeka broke into the lab and killed Mayuri."

Her stare was heavy, boring into everything as she looked away. He turned back to the window, not really looking, but trying not to remember. His heart beat wildly in his chest. "I went back in time."

"Did it not work?"

"The time leap machine worked perfectly, but convergence prevented me from saving her life. No matter how many times I tried, she would always die." He remembered Kurisu hugging him in the doorway, and wished he had the courage to do something like that. Right now, all he wanted to do was melt away, or preferably, faint. It was all such a mess, such a mess. And it didn't end. Why couldn't it end?

"How - no, don't answer that -"

_Sometimes it was Moeka, sometimes it was a car. Once, Nae pushed her into a train. Once, SERN turned her into an experiment. Once-_

"Stop!" He was surprised at how ragged his breathing was. It felt like he was melting into the windowsill. He gripped it for dear life. "Stop, Okabe." The tone of her voice matched his emotions. He wanted to run but didn't know where to, or why, and this, this was why he hadn't told anyone, and he had been secretly relieved when Daru had laughed him off as being chunnibyou as usual, and he wanted to melt, so that he could slide under the windowpanes, instead of trying to break his nose against it. His legs were wobbly anyway, it would be easy.

"Okabe. Calm down. Your fight or flight response must be in overdrive right now, but there's no need for it to be."

It would be so simple to collapse. It made the most sense.

"Okabe!"

He felt her trembling fingers on his back. "Listen to me. You're not in a dangerous situation right now. So don't panic."

"It wouldn't end." He was vaguely aware that this would make no sense to Kurisu, so he tried to explain it again. "It wouldn't end. Even now, it doesn't end."

"It's over." She said more firmly, pressing into his back. "So snap out of it, Okabe."

Her pulse through her palm was warm, and that helped. Her heart was beating, and that was all he could ever ask for. She said more things, but he didn't hear, instead, concentrating on their heartbeats. Eventually, his breaths slowed, and the room came back into focus around him.

"-This is why I said you need to go to a psychologist." Kurisu was saying. "Come on now, let's go sit on the couch. Just relax your hand. Let go."

He let go of the sill, taking what seemed like an eternity to move his fingers. She guided him back. Unwittingly, he put his arms around her, and she grew quiet, holding him tight.

"You don't have to talk about it, if it's difficult." She murmured. "It's alright, so don't worry now. It's all over." He closed his eyes again. She was magic. She had to be.

He almost fell asleep, until Kurisu shifted, and he blinked his eyes open, pulling away awkwardly. "It's alright." She repeated. He took her hands in his, to remind himself that she was still here and this was still Steins Gate.

"What does that mean, Steins Gate? You keep saying that."

It startled him. He must have said it out loud. "It's the name I chose for this worldline. 1.048596."

"The other one was named something sensible like Alpha, so why something so chunnibyou for this one? Even a Norse mythology name would have been better."

"It has no meaning yet. It has plenty of room for whatever meaning we want to give it. Infinite possibilities."

"That's weirdly...deep, for you."

Maybe it was a bad time to mention that he'd had no such intentions when he'd actually named it.

"What are you mumbling?"

"Nothing."

"Let's go to sleep, Okabe, you've lost all coherency." She began to rise, but he pulled her back down. "Let me finish telling you what happened." Kurisu obviously knew that the story didn't end here, because Mayuri was alive, but she was holding off, for his sake. There was no need. "Okabe..."

"Just listen. Let me finish." He took several moments to gather himself, and went on with how he had looped through time, coming closer to the answer, and to insanity, with every iteration. Sacrificing his friends' dreams. All for Mayuri, always for Mayuri, forever for Mayuri.

He intended to skip Kurisu's part in it entirely, but she was too smart for her own good. He tried to summarize it as briefly as possible, when she pressed him. He pulled her close when she became unresponsive, hoping that this was enough.

"I must have really...We must've all really...truly loved Mayuri." She whispered. "We did. We do." He agreed, closing his eyes again. She was the one thing they hadn't been prepared to sacrifice, no matter what.

"Why am I alive?" He tightened his arms around her as she trembled. "I shouldn't be alive."

"Don't say that." He growled, surprising even himself. "Don't ever say that. If that were true, you wouldn't be alive now. You're alive, because Steins Gate is only _possible_ because of both you and Mayuri. If either one of you die, the worldline plunges into chaos. The world begins to fight over time machines, and dooms mankind. You're the most important person in the world, Kurisu."

"How are you sure?" She shuddered. "What if my being alive dooms the worldline in the future?"

"I'm sure, because after you died, I - or rather, the Okabe of that worldline spent fifteen years trying to find a way to save you. Fifteen years. You're my most important person, and you'll always be. So don't ever say that you shouldn't be alive. You deserve to live. The world wants you to live."

She stayed still in his arms for a long time. Her hair tickled his chin, so he brushed it gently to the side. He wondered if she had fallen asleep, and kissed her hair lightly. Her breathing was soft and even, warming him up on the inside.

"How?" She whispered.

"Mmm?"

"How did you save me?"

He explained the final mission with the time machine. She curled in on herself as he did so. He stroked her back. She was responsive this time, relaxing slightly at his touch. When he was done, he breathed a sigh of relief, and buried his head into her shoulder. An evil voice whispered that this was all an illusion, and she would soon leave, taking her comfort with him, leaving him alone, just like he had been for all those weeks in the hospital, like he would be for the rest of his life, but he pushed it away.

"I understand now. It all...seems to make sense, and I'm sure there are other things I want to confirm with you, but I'm too tired to think of them at the moment." She sighed. "Perhaps it's best that we get some sleep."

He winced, drawing her closer, wishing that this could last forever. "Okabe?"

He didn't want to go back to carrying the burden of the entire lab on his shoulders. It was a burden he had resigned himself to, over those weeks in the hospital, and one that he hoped would dull eventually, but he didn't _want_ to have to get used to it. He wanted her to stay.

"What's wrong, Okabe?"

How could he tell her that he felt so wretchedly alone?

It was easy. It had always been easy. It was Kurisu. "I have memories from every leap, so it sometimes becomes a disconnect between me and the people around me. It's strange that I don't live in the same reality they do... And so I have to be careful, for their sakes and mine. They might actually haul me off to a mental hospital, one day."

"That must be difficult." Her voice was full of understanding. He pulled back, wanting to see her expression. "Do you feel any different now, since you told me all this? I don't remember all of it, so you can't say that our realities are the exactly the same, but they are very similar, probably enough to call them SG and SG'."

"Yeah, I -" _You know I always feel better after talking to you. You know that, right?_ "-I do."

"I know what it feels like to be disconnected from the people around me. But to tell you the truth - from what I remember, of course, and what I remember feeling in the lab when I visited it - I didn't feel like I had to hide myself there. No matter what I was worrying about or thinking, no matter if you didn't like it or even understand it, I never felt like I wasn't a part of the lab. You never made me feel unwelcome." His face warmed a little, and he was suddenly glad it was dark. "So don't worry so much about things. You have good friends to help you. Like you said, just a little while ago..."

It was natural that she would think that. Kurisu's 'thoughts she wanted to hide' were mostly innocent sentiments that she was embarrassed about, such as "I want to see my father again," or "I actually enjoy acting my age." But his problems were more along the lines of "I've caused the people closest to me terrible pain, and I can never tell them about it or they'll face even more terrible pain."

"I wish it were that simple."

"It is, look..."

"Wha-wha-"

"Close your eyes."

She kissed him deeply. For a moment, he didn't know what to do, then, he responded. She was still here, like she had always been.

She pulled away. "I'll - always -" He chased her, kissing her again, holding her tight. That he was here, reliving this memory yet again, was a perfect miracle, unworthy of his luck. Her warm palms cupped his face, tracing his cheeks tenderly.

They stared at each other in the aftermath. Some things could not be said accurately in words, yet - he had to tell her, because he wanted her to know, at this very moment. "I love you, Kurisu."

"I know." She said quietly, looking away.

"What does that mean?"

"You've been painfully obvious, Okabe."

He sputtered for the lack of retorts. "It's not like you were any better!"

"I didn't display anything of the sort, thank you very much-" There she went, off into tsundere-land again.

"How do you feel about me?"

He watched her catch her breath, eyes just barely lit up in the pale moonlight. "I don't know, I can't say anything for sure all at once. I - I've barely known you for five days."

"You've known me for about three months, actually-"

"Of which I can barely remember a week."

Disappointment curled up in his chest. "But! But. I definitely feel. Something."

"About me?"

"What you said."

The corners of her eyes were pulled up in an embarrassed smile. He tipped her chin up and pulled her close again. It was enough. For now. The delicate corner of her nose bumped against his, and she pulled back, giggling.

"Get to know me again."

She squeezed his hands. "You'll have to reply to my emails, then."

He took a deep breath. "I might."

"You better, Okabe Rintarou!"

"Will you come back to Japan if I don't?"

"I might if you do." She corrected. He kissed her again, reveling her fingers intertwined in his hair, and pressed his forehead against hers, the warm darkness of her breath washing up against him. His heart fluttered erratically in his chest as she kissed him yet again.

"I wish you could stay." He whispered. "I'll show you all of Akihabara, and you can get to know the lab members again, and we can sort this all out."

"How ironic, that once again, you're running out of time."

"Don't say it," he groaned. "Daru's been teasing me about time travel since I got back, just because it's the one thing I take seriously."

"Oh, alright." She tugged at his shirt.

"Mmm?"

She pressed her head against his shoulder. He rested his chin on top, feeling a little more at peace. Maybe this magic was, in fact, magic of a kind, that would need a little patience, and effort to work, but it did work after all. Because he felt like trying again. To sleep, to get better.

"Can I say something about relativity? It feels fitting for the situation."

"Go ahead."

"Okabe! That tickles. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that time passes fast or slow depending on the observer - I've said this before, haven't I?"

"You have... But go ahead and say it again."

"What I wanted to say... What I wanted to say is that since you're the observer, Okabe, I hope all your days pass at whatever pace you wish."

"That's not what you said before..." He couldn't resist whispering, like a secret.

"Does it matter?"

"No. I... I like them equally."

"So you say."

"As long as it's you, I don't care."

"I'll accept that as you trying to be romantic, like the theory of relativity, and ignore the fact that you completely disregarded what I said."

He chuckled, running his hand through her hair. It was unexpectedly soft. His fingers made her squirm slightly against him, and he was suddenly nervously aware of all her breaths; every soft caress. "You...really are just a normie obsessed with romance at heart."

"All scientists are mere romantics, Okabe. Trying to prove the impossible, trying to say something concrete about the world against all odds...to change the world with the power of their knowledge. You're the same, I know."

"Mmm."

"But that gets hard sometimes, to struggle all alone. So you rely on your lab, you rely on your friends..."

"Yeah."

"So rely on me. The way I rely on you."

"I will."

She squeezed his waist. "Promise."

"I promise."

"Alright, now go to sleep." She extracted herself from his grip, ignoring his pleas for one more minute. "What we were going to talk about, and what we ended up talking about are two completely different things. This is all your fault."

"I delight in it being my fault, it is, of course, the choice of Steins Gate after all, FUAHA-ow!"

"Go. To. Sleep."

"Yeah, yeah."

He settled onto the couch, smiling from ear to ear, and closed his eyes, feeling, like this really, truly could be Steins Gate.


	8. The Simplicity Of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another overlong chapter, perhaps? But I managed to complete this one well on time, so that went well. I started writing on the 28th of August, and I finished today. *sigh* What a journey. At any rate, this is the last chapter... It was a fun ride with all you readers, and I look forward to writing more in the future...
> 
> But wait! Don't go! It's not too late for a little show! A chapter nine, legendary and rare, all on its own! *pulls rabbit out of hat* Bloopers! It'll be fun, I hope. Tickets nonrefundable.
> 
> Enjoy.

She stared through the bus window at the outskirts of Tokyo, readying herself to wake Okabe and get out soon. She had told him not to go back to sleep, but since when did he listen? His sleep cycle was going to become worse than it was already, if that was even possible. Not only had he ignored her warnings, but he was asleep on her shoulder. He hadn't been, originally, but it was only logical that he sleep comfortably. Even then...

She decided not to wake him up till the last second. He could consider this her pity for his dark eyebags and thinning hair and squinting gaze. Maybe if she gave him this, he would be alright. Maybe he would wake up restored tomorrow.

It was probably the same logic Okabe used when he had asked her to eat dinner yesterday. It was too quick, too easy to be true. But it was difficult to not want to believe in, because, as she had said, she hoped that Okabe's days would pass as he wished. It probably wasn't too difficult for that wish to come true for an ordinary person. What a foolish thing she had said.

She tried to ignore her other foolish thoughts, such as her fantasies of him waking up again, with that lost look in his eyes, and comforting him, like she had done when he woke up when the bus stopped at a food mall. It was nice to give affection and to receive it - an idea that she had always preferred to ignore until now. Her mother had been relieved, at first, that she didn't seem to be interested in romantic pursuits, then vaguely concerned, but Kurisu didn't take it seriously and she would have been glad for it to stay that way. When Kurisu admitted her curiosity, Maho implied that she considered it a weakness. Her reactions were possibly jealous, rather than contemptuous, now that she thought about it.

The words she had said yesterday made her squirm uncomfortably. Maho had said, "You'll be talking to intelligent minds again, instead of that pretend scientist. Look forward to that when you come back."

And Kurisu replied with, "Yes, I am looking forward to that. Talking to intelligent minds like yours."

Any person other than Maho wouldn't have taken it as a slight. But Kurisu had said it - she didn't mean to say it - or maybe she wanted to say it to hurt Maho. She didn't want to know which of those was true. The stakes were too high.

She noticed Okabe's phone buzzing. He didn't stir. After pulling it out of his backpack - which was an awkward movement, with the man on her shoulder - she picked it up. "Hello, Mayuri."

"Tutturu! Kurisu, it's you? Where's Okarin?"

"Okabe's asleep, actually. I picked it up since it was you. Is it anything important, or do you want to call him later? Should I wake him up?" The familiarity with which she had taken the liberty of picking up his phone ought to have made her more embarrassed than this. Traitorous brain. She wondered what Mayuri thought about it.

There was a short silence on the other end. "Uh, it's okay, don't wake him! I just called to say we're all set up and everyone will be here soon."

"A-already? I'm sorry for springing this on you on such short notice... I told Okabe not to do this, but he insisted and wouldn't listen to me. He doesn't listen to a single thing I say, I swear. I'm really sorry for causing an inconvenience."

"Don't worry about that! We're going to have lots of fun. We haven't had a party since June. So we're all really happy. I hope it'll be fun for you too, Kurisu!"

"O-Oh. That's a relief." She wondered what it would be like when Mayuri realised what she and Okabe had been up to last night. What would Mayuri think when she realised that Okabe was asleep on her shoulder? She didn't want to hurt Mayuri like she had hurt Maho.

...Thank god Daru didn't have a window into her thoughts right now.

"What time will you reach?"

"We'll reach Tokyo in about ten minutes. So we'll reach Akihabara at about seven thirty?"

"Okay, we'll be waiting. I'll say bye-bye, then. Have a safe ride home!"

"Sure..." She sighed and pushed back into her seat. It was very nice of them to hold a party, but she was too tired for all of this. She had told him that she had been wishing to meet the lab members properly again, and he had granted that wish, so maybe it wasn't entirely his fault.

She reached for his hand, hoping his dreams were unlike hers. There wasn't much else she could do for him, anyway. If she wrote her next thesis on dreams...would he agree to be a test subject? Or was it too risky? If neither of them could get help, they would have to rely on each other, no matter how dubious it was. He certainly needed it.

She woke him up as the bus slowed, patting his arm. He stared around like a child, and she resisted the urge to laugh. From Shinjuku, they took the metro back to Akihabara. He was half asleep, dragging his steps through the station. She threatened to pinch him if he fell asleep on the train, so he agreed to wash his face. His face was still thin, but his brows were relaxed and open in a way she hadn't seen before. She wondered what she looked like, so she made an effort to catch a glimpse in a mirror near the turnstiles. To her disappointment, she couldn't see anything different. But he pulled on her hand insistently, so she let it go.

As they approached Chuo Dori, the amount of people gradually increased to a crowd. It wasn't long now, to the place she had been dreaming of. The way was lit up by restaurants and electronics stores welcoming the customers of the night. They passed into a residential area, with fewer stores, and a small park filled with the shrieks of children. The air was warm with the last breath of summer. A light wind pushed them forward.

At the entrance of the lane to the lab, she stopped.

"What happened?" He said, yawning.

"You need some sugar and caffeine, or you're going to fall asleep again."

She felt his curious stare as she made him buy a Dk. Pepper, but didn't elaborate. They sat on a bench so that he could drink comfortably. She sighed and looked down to her feet.

He nudged her with the bottle. She took a small sip, making sure not to touch her mouth to the edge. Actually, did things like that even matter at this point? To get worked up over such a small thing had to be illogical, after all...the other things that they had said and done. "What are you smirking at?" She demanded anyway.

"I thought a pervert like you might have something to say."

She rolled her eyes. "Seeing as I didn't say anything, it's clear who the real pervert is."

"But you imagined something, hmm?"

"So what if I did? I-is that a bad thing?"

He looked a little surprised, then, he leaned into her shoulder. "I guess not. But you are a pervert, that's for sure..." They were too close. Too close to him, to the others. She turned away, wondering how to say this without hurting his feelings. It wasn't that it was happening too fast. It wasn't that she didn't want to go to the party, even if it meant waking up to pack at 5 a.m. tomorrow. It was just felt like it was going to fall apart the moment she walked through that door again.

Everyone hated her in the end, anyway.

"Kurisu?"

That was too much, she had already given it all away, all the things she didn't want to say-

"Are you tired?"

"Yes." A convenient excuse. What good luck. All she had to do was take it.

He sat up straight, and fear dashed through her heart for a few moments. "Clearly, you are feel it just the same as I, Christina."

Wait - did he actually understand? Could he read her mind? Or was he feeling nervous, too?

"There is a malicious presence that has followed us home."

Maybe he was feeling afraid, afraid to introduce her to all his friends. She imagined him blushing, something she hadn't seen him do yet, unfortunately. Perhaps their emotions were in sync -

"Undoubtedly, it's an Organization spy!" He whipped out his phone.

"No!" For once, she didn't care if the entire street heard her yell. He deserved it. "Stop it." He considered her, then the phone. He put it away, but not before sneaking in an "El. Psy. Kongroo."

"Give me that." She snatched the Dk. Pepper from him and choked down the rest in one gulp. It was all because she had given him this stupid beverage. To think that she had encouraged its consumption. To think. She crossed her arms and glared at him until his expression changed to apologetic. "Oops. I just remembered - I left one of our bottles of Dk. Pepper in the fridge. In your house. In Aomori."

"Okabe!" She had warned him not to forget anything there. He grinned. "Let's go back."

"Are you kidding me?"

He laughed, and she felt a little silly for believing him. She permitted herself a small smile. The bottle wouldn't rot. The worst thing that could happen would be it expiring. It reminded her that Okabe was harmless - or at least, he was supposed to be. He might understand. If she tried to explain.

He stood. "Shall we go?" She didn't move, and he frowned. "What happened? Kurisu?"

"Okabe, can I tell you a secret?"

_I must be crazy to think about telling him this... He's going to look at me like I'm pathetic._

"Go on. Spit it out."

Her voice choked a little, but she managed to begin. "Before today, that is, until this week, I haven't had many friends. Actually, let me be clear: I haven't had any close friends since I was eleven. Or maybe even before that. Seeing as they never bothered to keep in touch, we must not have been...real friends."

"What about your senpai?"

"She's...alright. But she's a very competitive person, so she tends to push me away every time I try to get closer to her. It becomes tiring after a while."

"Nobody in the lab will do that to you. You know that."

"I - What if they don't like me?"

"Kurisu -"

"Seriously, Okabe. I can't do this whole socialising thing, I can't. I'm not capable of making friends with people so easily, and it makes me feel pathetic to admit that, but I have to face reality. Nobody will like me to be there, I'll just ruin the mood, and there's no use going."

"That's not reality, even you have to admit-"

"That's exactly how it is." She gripped her tie tightly. "I should just go back to the hotel now. It's getting late, anyway." Now that she had said so, she would have to leave. She gathered up all the folds of her jacket, wishing that she didn't feel like a hypocrite, that she had the courage to do the thing that would hurt the least, that wouldn't result in a confrontation with the sweetest girl in the world.

"Are you afraid that you won't be able to eat in front of them?" He said. His voice was gentler than she thought it might be. "You can say that you're sick. They won't hold it against you."

At the party, there would be dinner, and she wasn't sure she would be able to eat anything at all. Yet another reason why this was a terrible idea. The cola was already sloshing around uneasily, and she shuddered. "That also."

"Listen to me. In all the worldlines I've been to, there was only one where you weren't part of the lab."

"If I was dead before I met you, obviously not."

"No! Alright, there were two worldlines. In this other worldline, you were alive and well. But we weren't friends-"

"What if this is a worldline just like-"

"The reason we weren't friends, Kurisu, was because the lab didn't exist."

Such a worldline...actually existed? Of course it must; if you diverged far enough you would observe all kinds of anomalies. The lab not existing was tame compared to the possibilities.

"Kurisu, as long as the lab exists, you will have a place in it. This has been proved by convergence. Do you finally understand the choice of Steins Gate?"

A preposterous claim, but it made sense. Somehow everything had added up to her coming back here. First it had been against her will, then, against her better judgement, now, it was against her natural bent of mind - but she was still reluctant to leave. In the end, she wanted to believe that she could stay, that she would be allowed to stay. This wasn't Victor Chondria, where people watched her for a slip up, waiting to prey upon her hard work. It was okay to want to stay, to fight for it, even.

He pulled out something from his pocket and presented it to her. It rolled around in his palm, the streetlights catching in the letters. "Take it, or don't, but we'll always be here."

She looked up at him. He was as serious as he had been while saying "I love you." Of course, she could run away again. But even if there had been a point to that, she didn't want to anymore. So she took the pin.

He muttered something to himself in a relieved tone. She searched for a place to put it on. Her shirt? Her collar? Finally, she settled on her tie, her favourite red tie. Her jittery fingers fumbled with the clasp. "Don't be afraid. Even if it wasn't the choice of Steins Gate, it couldn't possibly turn out any other way."

Maybe he could tell what she was thinking, after all. "I-I believe you."

"Good."

He stood again. "Coming?"

They had lingered here for far too long, and she wanted to escape the stares of the passerby as fast as possible. "Let's go."

"Wait!" He called, scrambling to throw the bottle in the recycling bin as she took off down the lane. "Why were you so upset, anyway? Didn't you say that you feel really comfortable in the lab, yesterday?"

"I know, but talking about it and meeting them with all this pressure is different."

"Since when has there been any sort of pressure?"

She increased her pace, more angry at herself than at him. "I want to be as good friends with them as my other self was, and I'm well aware that meeting them like this is hardly going to be the ideal first impression."

"Why-" She cut him off. "And as if that wasn't enough, there's the whole problem of you."

"What problems could I have possibly caused?"

"Seriously, Okabe? Are you completely socially inept? You do realise that your friends are going to be seeing you for the first time after a three-day trip with me, right? After which you asked them to throw a party, with a few hours' notice, to say farewell to me? At which I won't be able to eat a single morsel of food?"

"So? They'll be glad to meet you."

"Okabe. You idiot. They're going to think that there's - something - of some nature - going on between us, and-"

"Well, isn't there?"

She stopped short right in front of the CRT store. "I-I suppose there is."

He slowed to walk up to her. "Then that's it, then is there anything else? Any problem?"

"Can we not tell them?" It would be too much for tonight.

"Why-" He cut himself off, looking away. Then he sighed."Okay. We won't tell them anything for now." He didn't look very enthusiastic at the idea of hiding it like this, but he understood, right?

"Thank you, Okabe." He put his hands on her shoulders. "Of course. Now let's go."

She wouldn't be able to tease him too much now. And she definitely wouldn't be able to feel his touch again. Or have a long, heartfelt conversation. She would have to keep him at an appropriate distance.

It seemed impossible. Hadn't they _just_ been talking about how they would always be together?

...Or something like that?

"Wait." She gripped the lapels of his lab coat. "Just - because." She pulled him into the first kiss of the day and the last kiss of the night. He wrapped his arms around her, and how easily it escalated was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

"OKABE! STOP MAKING OUT IN FRONT OF MY PRECIOUS INNOCENT NAE, OR I'LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY!"

He scrambled away. She was sure that she would die of embarrassment. "Mr. Braun - couldn't you have held off for a minute?!" He demanded.

They started arguing about the rent. She shook her head and looked up.

The lab mems were staring through the open window.

They burst into cheers. "Finally! Daru, you owe me two hundred, nya! Moeka, you owe me five. Tough luck."

Of course they had made bets. What had she expected? Still - she couldn't read the expression on Mayuri's face as anything but happy.

Okabe stomped into the building after she pulled him away. She followed him up the stairs, heartbeat thudding in her feet.

"Welcome back!"

It was too familiar to be anything but comfortable. The food was delicious, courtesy Luka - Mayuri had helped a little - and to her surprise, though there was pressure to eat, it wasn't too difficult to swallow a little and then excuse herself. Faris chattered non-stop, Daru made ridiculous comments, and Moeka took way too many pictures. They all teased Okabe soundly. He ran to the development room, yelling about "treachery", loud enough for Mr Braun to yell back. They showed no mercy, and instead invited her to join in on the teasing, which she did wholeheartedly. It was easy to fall into the group, as though they had never been apart.

 _Okabe was right_ , she couldn't help but think.

At nine, Moeka, Luka and Faris left, because they had to get up early the next day, and in Luka's case, had strict parents. She could have left with them - they even offered to walk her back to her hotel, but she reasoned that this was her last chance to hang out in the lab, so she might as well stay for as long as possible.

Besides, it was nice to clean up with Mayuri, to know that Daru was going downstairs to the trash can, and that Okabe was sulking in the shower. Cleaning up mostly consisted of rinsing glasses and throwing out the trash, of course, but it was still nice, to play at being there with them, and taking care of the lab as though she did it every day. She collapsed on the sofa with Mayuri when they were done.

"Kurisu? Can I ask you something important?" _Here it comes._

Mayuri peered up at her with wide eyes and an intense expression. "Was Okarin really asleep?"

She had not been expecting this question. "When?"

"In the bus. You said he was, right?"

"Yes, it's true. He was asleep the whole bus ride. I think he was trying to catch up on his sleep. I told him that's not how it works, but he wouldn't listen to me. You know how he is."

"Ah..." Mayuri looked down. "It doesn't work like that?"

"I'm afraid not. It's not like exercise, where you can burn off a couple of days' worth calories in a few workouts. You have to sleep for six to eight hours every day to stay healthy."

It was difficult to know what to tell her. She was so pure - her love was so deep that it almost made Kurisu want to hold her and never let go - because she would never know how deeply Okabe loved her back, and that she could never know was a testament to that.

"Kurisu, did you notice how Okarin isn't sleeping much? Do you think he needs to see a doctor?"

Considering everything, there was no way she could ever say yes, no matter how true it was, but what came out was an _I don't know_. It was weak, too weak. Mayuri went on. "I've been telling him, but he won't listen to me, so I thought he might at least listen to you."

"I'm sorry, Mayuri."

"Don't worry, Kurisu. Okarin might act a little foolish sometimes, but I'm sure he'll get better. He'll definitely get better, so let's do our best, okay?"

She was glad that Okabe was in the shower. He didn't need to hear this. His face last night had been tormented enough. "I think we should give him some time. He's going to make an effort to sleep properly from now on." He hadn't actually said that, but she would have to make him do that now, somehow.

"Really? I'm so glad." Mayuri's eyes were shining. "It was so bad when he didn't want to talk about it and he kept pushing everyone away. It was really painful to watch him thinking that he was all alone. I tried to tell him that he could talk to me. At first, I tried to give him hints, then, I told him directly, then I tried scolding him..."

Kurisu found herself grabbing Mayuri's shoulders. _He wanted to. He really wanted to. Don't ever doubt that,_ she wanted to say. But it was too revealing. Even if Mayuri wasn't the kind to pry, she would definitely wonder where this had come from, and that was a rabbit hole nobody needed to go down. Instead, she said, "He told me a lot about you. He said that you're the kindest and most compassionate person he knows, Mayuri. So if he didn't listen to you, that's his fault, okay?"

Mayuri shook her head and fell silent. Kurisu tried to think of something more to say, but this was really a conversation that Mayuri and Okabe needed to have with each other. There was no point to acting as the interpreter. All she could do was give Mayuri the courage to hold that conversation once again. And smack some sense into Okabe. "He's going through something... difficult right now. And a lot of the time - I mean, you said that he tells me when he's sad, and he does, most of the time, but the truth is - the truth is that he needs you too, Mayuri." _If you hadn't called us yesterday, I don't know what would've happened_ , she almost said.

She remembered his unashamed statement that she was his most important person. If she was - that - then Mayuri was equally important. Without her goodness, the whole world would fall apart. And Okabe couldn't bear to taint that with his own pain. "You keep him walking on the right path, just by being there. So don't you lose faith either. He'll be fine. As long as this place exists, he'll be fine."

Or so she hoped, but she liked to think that it was a reasonable hope. His face lit up when he talked to Mayuri, and that smirk of his that showed up when he prodded at Daru, the warmth with which he spoke to Luka, the pleasure with which he bantered with Faris, and the understanding with which he treated Moeka told her that he would be alright. One day.

"Mayushii didn't understand everything you said, but I think I understood what you were trying to say. Thanks for cheering me up, Kurisu. I'm going to tell Okarin off again." The determined look on her face made Kurisu laugh with relief.

To her surprise, Mayuri hugged her tightly. "I'm glad you came here. Until now, I didn't realised that I was missing you, but now I do. So come back soon, okay?"

"I would love to, but it might be a little difficult to get more paid leave this year..." Mayuri made a sad noise.

"I'll try! Christmas, how does that sound?"

"Yay!" _No, I can't even compare this to Victor Chondria. And Mayuri's nothing like I imagined, either. Fear made such a fool out of me._

_Could I be doing the same thing with Maho? Maho's actually a nice person, it's just that we tend to overcomplicate things. Even if she's mean to me, that's not how she really feels. I know that it took me a while to figure that out about her. With everything that went on, I allowed myself to think the worst._

"What are you thinking about, Kurisu? You look sad."

"Oh no, I'm a little confused. There's this friend of mine, and I want to call her, but I'm a little afraid."

To her surprise, Mayuri took her hands in hers. "Don't be! You can do it!"

Maybe this was what it was like, to be a normal person, with friends who cared for her.

 _I better call her right now. Before I lose my nerve._ She moved to the development room to talk. Maho picked up on the third ring. "Hello, Senpai?"

"Kurisu." Maho's voice was flat. Even after all the time they had spent together, she wasn't sure whether Maho was angry, sad, or, well, normal. Maho was a friend she had made out of desperation. She had hoped that because they were Japanese American neuroscientists, women, and roughly the same age, they would both want to relate to the closest thing to a peer either of them had ever found.

"Why are you so quiet?" Kurisu winced, backing into the development table. "Did something happen?"

She was definitely being overly critical of Maho, considering her prickly nature. But it was only after being amongst people like Mayuri and Okabe, who could love without limits, that she could admit to herself that all those rejections from Maho had hurt somewhere deep inside.

"No, Senpai..."

"Forget it, then." Maho sighed. "You are coming back, right? You aren't calling me to say that you're taking another week off?"

"No, no-"

A head poked through the development room curtain. "Oh. You're here." Okabe looked for her when he didn't see her, huh.

"Kurisu? Are you there?"

"Huh? Oh. Yes. I mean. No. I'm not."

"Are you talking to your senpai again?" Okabe asked.

"Who is that?" Maho was confused. Too many people talking at the same time. She hastily motioned for Okabe to shut up.

"Oh, he - I mean, it's -" The TV. The radio. An anime. A voice message. A video online. She said nothing.

Maho sighed. "Anyway. Just come back to the lab next week."

"I'll - yes. I'll come back."

"Sounds like she misses you." Okabe grinned at her. He was still peeking out from the curtain, and she very badly wanted to tell him off for that dramatic pose.

"Okay, bye, Kurisu."

"No, wait, Senpai. Senpai! Are you still there?"

"Y-yeah! Don't panic."

"I just wanted to. Tell you. About-" About what, exactly? She looked at Okabe. He smiled and raised his eyebrows comically. "Tell her about Steins Gate."

"No!" She hissed.

"Who are you talking to?"

"I'm talking to the guy. You know. The weird guy."

"What - why?"

She ignored Okabe muttering in the background. "I met his friends. They're really nice people."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line. Okabe gestured for her to give him the phone. She mimed cutting her neck. He gave her a sulky look and closed the curtain. Now he wasn't around to distract her, she could concentrate...on Maho's silence.

"I mean, I don't know how much you might like them..." And it wasn't as though almost all of them weren't some kind of weirdo. But even the non-weirdos interacted peacefully with the strange ones, supporting them and being supported by them. And that was something that she wasn't sure Maho would be able to appreciate. "But they're all very good friends."

"Are there any girls?"

"Oh, most are girls."

"Oh."

"And I'm going back to the hotel soon, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Yeah."

"And I had a lot of fun with them."

"Huh."

"I-I don't know why I'm telling you all this, Senpai. I'm sorry."

"Well, ah, you do always tell me everything whether I want to hear it or not, so."

That was true.

"Kurisu."

"Yes, senpai?"

"Let's go out for a movie next weekend, if we don't have too much work. To celebrate you coming back unhurt."

She couldn't help but react with a squeaky "Why?"

There was another silence on the other end of the phone. Kurisu groaned internally and plopped into the chair, holding her head in her hands. "You know, when I heard that...that you had almost died, I did feel bad, you know."

"Oh. I remember, you called me up."

"I - thought that it would be best to give you some time."

"It was a good thing that you did." Kurisu assured her hastily. "It was a mess. Um. Very difficult."

"To tell you the truth, I wondered a lot about whether I should just call you up again. But you didn't seem like you wanted to talk about it. Even more than usual. And I thought that it was different from your usual 'pretending to be unaffected so that you can get me to pester you about it'. I have to apologise for that. If I misread you."

 _Because talking to you is so hard._ "I'm sorry too! F-for being rude."

To her surprise, Maho chuckled. "Don't worry about it."

She felt the need to justify herself. "I just needed some time to understand what was going on in my life."

"So that Homin Koma guy helped you with some kind of epiphany, is that it?"

Kurisu giggled. "Something like that."

"Did you hook up with him?"

" _No!_ " Okabe poked his head through the curtain again. She mimed kicking him. He rolled his eyes and retracted himself.

"It sure sounded like that."

"It did not - I mean, nothing of that sort happened!"

"Well, whatever. But as your senior, I have to tell you that in case you're planning-"

"No, Senpai. Just - no." _Maho and Daru would get along well. I pray that I never have to introduce them to each other. Never._

"Okay. But make sure you go back to your hotel on time. And don't do anything dangerous, like letting him walk you there."

What did Maho take her for? "Of course, Senpai. And don't tell my mother, please?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Anyway." She straightened her tie, touching the pin by accident. If she was going to wear this regularly, she would have to explain it, somehow. Maybe that would be a little easier now. "Senpai. I'll look forward to it. To going to a movie with you. We'll watch whatever you want to watch. And I'll buy you popcorn."

"Eh, it's not like I know what's playing anyway, so you pick. Just nothing too sappy."

"Yes! Yes. I won't disappoint you."

"I have no doubt you will." Maho snorted. "You like romcoms too much to miss the opportunity. But it's fine. I can bear it for one night."

"Okay..."

"Alright then, I have work to do. Goodbye. Safe journey."

She flipped the phone shut and leaned against the development table, feeling like she had run a sprint. All the events of the day had been squeezed into far too little time. At least she was leaving tomorrow, so she would get the weekend to deal with jet lag before getting back to work.

That was right. It was time to leave for her hotel. Before other people also started to get dumb ideas.

She took one last look around the room. The last time she had been here, she hadn't thought that she could possibly come back here, let alone miss this place. All the gadgets (barring one) rested proudly in their places. Knickknacks, old notebooks, dead pens, crumpled papers and chips packets, and cheap toys, the kind you got for free with the chips, sat on the unbroken table.

A mousepad with anime boobs for buttons. Ugh. She took a step away, then stopped. Future Gadget No. 2 caught her eye, and for reasons she didn't quite understand, she slipped it into her pocket.

She moved the curtains out of the way to see the members yawning and relaxing on their respective favourite seats: Okabe on the sofa, Daru at the PC, and Mayuri on the floor next to the table. "I think I should leave now." She smiled at all of them. "It's getting pretty late. Thank you for hosting such a wonderful party."

Mayuri smiled back happily. "Kurisu, when you come back to Japan, you should stay for longer."

"I'll try."

"You know," Okabe said, grinning cheekily, "If you want your flight to be delayed, all you have to do is ask."

"Oh, and how would you do that?" She pulled out her jacket that Okabe was sitting on.

"You are forgetting the powers of our resident Supah Hacka!"

"Okarin! I'm not going to hack into airport just so that she can spend a couple more hours here with you, you disgusting normie."

"You know you want to, Supah Hacka."

"It's Super Hacker!"

"Daga kotowaru." Kurisu cut in. "I'm leaving."

"So cruel." Daru sniffled. "Cutting down all his hopes in a single stroke. So hot."

"Shut up, pervert." She wore her jacket, affixing the buckles messily. "Bye, everyone."

"I'll come with you, Kurisu, I have to go home too." Mayuri got up, stretching.

"That's right, Mayuri, you should leave before the last train. And you can walk Kurisu back to her hotel too." Okabe said.

"Where is it, Kurisu?"

"It's in Ochanomizo. It's beyond the station, though, so you don't have to walk me there. Let's just walk together till the station."

"Okabe, why don't you come along, then? Mayuri asked. "You can walk Kurisu back to her hotel."

"Yeah, Okabe." Daru said. "Go trip that romance flag. She'll invite you up and then you can stay the night."

"In your dreams, Daru." It would be nice if he did come along, though, never minding Maho and Daru. "Come along, Okabe. I have some things to discuss."

He sighed dramatically. "Since all of you are insisting, I suppose I'll have to go."

Mayuri trotted downstairs, Okabe and her following closely behind. They reached the starion soon, and dropped Mayuri off with a wave and a hug. The walk from there to her hotel was supposed to be barely fifteen minutes. Okabe was quiet, and so was she, filled with thoughts of how exactly to convince him to promise that he would try to sleep.

The streets were open, but not empty, at ten thirty. They were now two among tens, rather than among hundreds. Restaurants were beginning to wind up, and the night was now at a pleasant temperature - not too warm, but just enough for her to maybe wish for his arm around her.

His lab coat swished about this way and that as they walked. The traffic was beginning to slow, and as they entered the overpass shortcut near Radikan, she realised that they were all alone.

"Kurisu."

"Huh?" His voice startled her, though she tried not to let it show. '"What is it?"

"You'll be alright, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just... Never mind, I'm speaking nonsense."

"No, no. I was wondering the same thing about you, actually." She forced herself to admit it.

They fell silent again, as they moved off the overbridge and into the street along the park. "Have you ever come to my hotel before?" She tried nervously.

"No. This is the first time."

"Oh. It's strange, I feel like I've walked this way a lot. I must have visited the lab all the time."

"You did. You know, you might have called me jobless, but it's not like you were really busy either."

She huffed. "Of course I was busy. I must have been giving lectures all the time. And I only visited to the lab because I was curious about your time machine. Nothing else."

She could hear the smirk in his voice as he said, "Are you sure that's all you were curious about?"

Her face heated up. She resisted the urge to tell him to shut up. He had got her good, so the only way to get back at him was to get down to his level. "Like you weren't begging me to grace your tiny little lab with my presence."

He snorted. "Oh? Who stayed there all night, faithfully working?"

"You stayed too, though I'm sure you didn't help at all."

"I live there! And I gave very important moral support and guidance, thank you very much."

"I remember nothing of the sort."

He chuckled. "Remember when you told me that you wanted to got to Aomori to see your father? You blackmailed me into promising we'd go together."

"I did what?"

"Well - I did promise." His voice was soft. She spun around to look at him. He was standing still with his hands in his pockets, gaze fixated on the ground. "We never got to go."

"Why not?"

"You know. There was no time..."

"Oh." Now, it was a little easier to understand why he had been so insistent on going there with her, and why he had looked so upset when she had asked. It must have felt like she was throwing everything he had lost in his face.

"I'm sorry, Okabe."

"Don't apologise ."

"It wasn't entirely your fault either, you know. We both agreed to make the Time Leap Machine. Even though I knew the risks, I made such a dangerous invention. I was so reckless."

"Kurisu..."

'"I just wanted to show my father." _I thought he might...be proud of me. I know how foolish that idea was now._

"Kurisu."

"And that's why I have to shoulder part of the blame."

"I told you, you aren't responsible for what he did-"

"No, Okabe. I was. I understand that now. I'm just glad, so glad, that you weren't like him, and you were there for me - wh-when it went too far. I'm equally at fault, so every time you have a nightmare and can't sleep, I won't be able to either, do you understand me? And if you care about your assistant at all, Mr. Mad Scientist, you wouldn't give up on sleeping altogether when that happens, do you understand?"

"Wh-what are you...what?"

She took a deep breath, searching for words. "I'm also worried about you. So I'm trying to remind you that you can rely on me. And that we're in this together. We don't just share this reality, SG and SG', but we're both responsible for creating it. So I feel responsible for you."

"Kurisu, I'm so sorry."

"You said that you love me, right?"

"Yeah, I did. I do. Of course I do." The way his frown eased while saying that gave her a little courage.

"Then try to understand what I'm trying to say. I want you to keep the promise you made to me yesterday. Call me. If you're hurt. E-mail me. If you're afraid, or you just want to tell me something. Not just me, but all the lab members. Especially Mayuri. I'll - I'll try to do the same."

She took trembling steps towards him, feeling out the right way to punctuate her words and drill them into his head. They caught each other just in time, the lab coat sheltering them both. She pressed her nose into his shoulder and drew her arms tightly around his back, wanting to make him remember this moment, whenever he thought he was alone.

They hugged for a long time, longer than she thought it was possible for two humans to hug, and yet, it didn't seem like enough, when he drew back. "Hey."

"Y-yes?"

"I'll do that."

"Don't forget just because you won't see me around any more-"

He kissed her lightly in reply.

"Okay." She murmured. She kissed him again, if only to cover up her embarrassment.

"But you have to promise me something in return, Assistant."

"Not your assistant."

"Promise me that you'll take care of yourself as well."

"I'll try."

"If you don't, I'll know. And I don't care if you're on a different continent. I'll transport myself there and make sure my Assistant is being taken good care of." The intensity of his gaze made her blush, despite his ridiculous words. She decided to indulge him. "Alright, Okabe Rintarou. I won't disappoint you if you don't disappoint me."

They held each other for a moment that was too short despite how gratifying it was, until she separated herself. "We should get going, it's probably almost eleven by now."

"Yes."

It was easy to feel exhilarated, on this warm summer night with Okabe next to her and the lab right behind her, and Maho waiting for her. It was easy to have faith - not that the future would be easy, but that she could overcome it, no matter what it was.

"Kurisu?"

"Yes?"

"I was thinking. About you going to America. I could try to transfer to Victor Chondria next year."

She smiled. It was a nice idea, sure, but he was getting in over his head as usual. "Do you even know what kind of grades it takes to get in?"

"I read up about it, yes. And my grades aren't as bad as you think they are."

"Okabe, I know you're not exactly dumb. But the fact of the matter is that you're too wrapped up in your grand chunnibyou ideas to apply yourself. And even if you do, it's incredibly hard to get in."

"Oh ye of little faith, just wait and watch. Hououin Kyouma does not back away from any challenge!" She snorted. "Sure. Let's think about that if and when you get in."

He went on, about his grand plans and sweet wonderings and delightful teasing, and they walked on, into the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who stuck with me to the end and offered me advice.
> 
> And don't forget to check out the bloopers next week!


	9. The Sheer Amusement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, everyone! Let the lame jokes begin.
> 
> Enjoy.

All stand for the tsundere anthem.

_Oh man! Should I scold him and chase him off?_

_Oh man! Or should I hold him close?_

_Should I let him to do whatever he wants,_

_Or should I give him a tight slap?_

-roughly translated from OFFO, composed by Shankar Ehsaan Loy

* * *

_Chapter One_

Kurisu hated Okabe with all her heart, her body, her soul, and the voltage of Victor Chondria's Tesla Coil.

o.O.o

"It's just my luck," Kurisu admitted to herself. "Everyone I meet is either a complete raving lunatic or an egomaniac." Or, in the case of her father, both.

o.O.o

In the drafts menu of Kurisu's phone, there was a email, waiting to be sent. She couldn't remember writing it, so she figured that she must have written it long ago. Curious, she opened it.

"Contact me if you have any questions. Esp. about time travel."

In the receiver's address, was Ipvpvjo Lzpvnb.

"Who?"

o.O.o

Five minutes passed, then fifteen. His Assistant still had not replied. This was a little strange. Okabe had been sure that this message would pique her curiosity.

This wasn't fair. His Assistant had to reply immediately! Otherwise what good was she?

At about three, the buzz of his phone startled him into the air. The phone went flying under the table, so he got down on his hands and knees and groped around. Lying underneath the table, limbs in disarray, he read:

**I'm sorry, but I don't believe in delusions such as this. You clearly can't show me any proof, and so I have to conclude that you either happened to be in the right place at the right time, or that you are a pervert with some kind of blood fetish. Thank you for saving me, good night, and don't message me any further.**

It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. She was supposed to say, "Yes, you're right, Hououin Kyouma! I believe you because you triggered my memories of other worldlines! Let's throw the world into chaos together! We will rule over the world, you and I!"

And he would say, "I will be the one ruling over the world, but you can be my Assistant." And she would blush and agree.

o.O.o

"These are facts, and they won't change. As I said, it's difficult to prove, but not impossible-"

"How would you prove something like that?" She demanded. "There's no way you could possibly prove that you time travelled! You're delusional! Stark raving nuts!"

He took another step towards her. "The thing I most want at the moment is 'my fork'. I already have 'my spoon'." Were these not your own words, Assistant?"

She dropped down to the floor, and for a moment he was afraid that she had fainted, but he realised that she was shaking violently, as though she had hypothermia. "How...? How did you-? How did you look inside my head?"

He kneeled down, and offered her his labcoat. She pushed it away. He offered it again.

"How did you look inside my head?!"

"I didn't. We agreed that this would be the password to convince you that I had really travelled through time."

"You can't just give the whole thing away like that!" Kurisu snorted. Okabe stood up and shrugged. "But it makes the most sense. Why wouldn't I?"

"But where's the tension? The drama? The rest of this entire fanfiction was rendered redundant and useless!"

"Not everything works like a romcom, perverted genius girl."

* * *

_Chapter 2_

"That's Hououin Kyouma to you, Christina!"

"If you're going to insist on me calling you that ridiculous name, then at least stop calling me Christina!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Some weird bald guy yelled from downstairs.

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

Kurisu pulled out a well-used card from her pocket. It was green with a reverse sign on one side, and UNO on the other.

"Atchaneller."

"DIE, OKABE!"

o.O.o

"Oh, if you're going with someone, it's not that unsafe. But Kurisu, who's the second ticket for?" Mayuri asked in all her innocence.

"You." Kurisu said hurriedly. "I know we've only known each other for one day – but I feel like we've really connected. There's just nobody else in Tokyo I can trust. Please?"

Two years later, they got married. In 2026, they had a child. Fortunately or unfortunately, like the old parable about Einstein and the woman who wanted to marry him, their little girl inherited Kurisu's looks and Mayuri's intelligence.

Her name was Kagari.

* * *

_Chapter 3_

Kurisu seemed reluctant to stand in the Ward Office line alone - what was she so nervous about, it wasn't like these old people were going to suddenly turn into cannibals and eat her up?

Okabe suddenly remembered the time he had stolen a private plane to fly to an allegedly deserted island with Mayuri, only for her to be eaten by cannibals. Convergence sucked.

o.O.o

"As I explained to you before, you may have refused the pin, but the pin will never refuse you." Okabe said.

"Give it to me." said Kurisu.

"What? Why?" She really wanted it? Did she remember? Was this all a wonderful dream?

"When I burn down the Ward Office, I'll be sure to melt the pin too." Kurisu lit a match and soon, the old wood and plaster building was on fire. She threw in the pin.

"Without the pin, my life has no meaning." Okabe declared, and ran in. Kurisu felt vaguely guilty, and ran in after him. Every single person in the office died.

Except Okabe and Kurisu.

Convergence was convenient.

* * *

_Chapter 4_

"Okarin, Mayushii's very disappointed in you."

Well, that was better than her being dead. "Why are you disappointed in me?"

"You aren't going to buy us any souvenirs, are you? I knew it."

o.O.o

"Okarin, Mayushii's very disappointed in you."

Well, that was better than her being dead. "Why are you disappointed in me?"

"If you're not going to sleep, do it for the right reasons!"

Okabe was completely stunned. _I'm going to murder Daru. How did he manage to corrupt her in the one day I wasn't there?_

"Like me! I'm completing all my summer homework!"

o.O.o

It had been Mayuri who none of them were prepared to sacrifice, Kurisu thought in her sleep-deprived haze. She was just a child, a doll, but children could be deadly when they got a knife, look at what Nae had done. If you pushed someone far enough, they could do absolutely anything. Suzuha had travelled back in time to rescue the world from dystopia. Faris and Luka - how had she given up her father's life, how had he give up his chance at a female body? Had they felt trapped, frozen, on the street, lost in the crowd, an imposter, a zombie amongst humans?

"No," Okabe said. "That's just you."

* * *

_Chapter 6_

The way he drawled, "Well, then," Kurisu knew that Okabe knew that she knew. She badly wanted to respond to the sheer amusement in his eyes, but all the acid in her tongue failed her.

_He time travelled. More importantly-_

"You built a time machine."

He twinkled and beamed. _Too smug. Much too smug._

* * *

_Chapter 7_

Unfortunately, Okabe and Kurisu forgot to buy any clothes at the convenience store they visited. All their old clothes were smelly, wet, and wouldn't dry immediately. What to do?

"Okabe, do you have any clean clothes?"

A muffled no came through the bathroom door. Kurisu crossed over and knocked on the door. "Here, take these." A hand emerged and scooped up her offerings, then returned them. "Christina. I cannot wear any of these. These are all women's clothes."

"I'm not letting you wear my father's clothes, so you're going to wear my mother's."

"You know what, I'll wear this one." A hand selected a pair of red shorts with green spaceships on them.

Kurisu snorted. "Those used to be mine."

"Seriously?"

"We bought them at the NASA gift shop when I spilled juice on my dress."

"From seven years ago? Why are they so big? And why do they look like men's boxer shorts?"

"They didn't have my size with rocketships, okay?!"

* * *

_Chapter 8_

Hououin Kyoumb: **I know you took it.**

Assistant: **What are you going to do about it?**

Hououin Kyoumb: **Nothing. Keep it.**

Assistant: **Are you sure? By the way, if you ever go to the airport, you should try out these pizza flavoured chips they're selling. They're not bad. Actually, they're really good. I wish they sold these outside the airport.**

Hououin Kyoumb: **Are you asking me to come see you off?**

Assistant: **You wish.**

Assistant: **I mean, since you're insisting, I wouldn't mind. Since you're jobless anyway.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to one and all, and enjoy your holidays.


End file.
